Gentle Coltrane for Caskett
by Mr.Mellow
Summary: Kate said she feels magic when she hears Coltrane. Here are some more vignettes based on songs from albums from the John Coltrane discography such as "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane." Some spoilers for various episodes noted at the beginning of each vignette.
1. Soul Eyes

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist this song on the album, there are lyrics to the songs.

These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Soul Eyes" by Mal Waldron. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=GoYAGNLqFwg

There is a version with by Mal Waldron and Jeanne Lee, vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=hl7fnSPx87I

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

* * *

_A soul, I'm told_

_Can be both hot and cold_

_But how is one to know_

_Just which way to go?_

* * *

A/N: 4x01 Rise

Rick Castle contemplated the tumbler of scotch he had in his hand. The cut crystal reflected and scattered the light from his desk lamp around on the papers. Colors of the rainbow moved across the papers as Castle shifted the glass in his hands.

"The reviews of 'Heat Rises' are pretty good," Rick thought.

He looked at his computer browser at some of the links his publicist, Paula had sent him. He had another email from his ex-wife and publisher, Gina with more links to reviews. Both were beside themselves because of the publicity.

"It is gratifying that the majority of the reviews are positive," Castle thought.

His mind wasn't on Nikki Heat right now. His mind was on a gorgeous brunette with fiery hazel eyes that sat beside him on some playground swings a few days ago. A woman who implied that she would be ready for something more once she solved her mother's murder. A relationship that he so desperately desired.

But he also thought about the phone call he received. The mysterious caller told him in order to keep her alive, he had to prevent her from investigating her mother's murder.

"I'm damned either way I go," he thought.

He looked at his now empty tumbler. Smiling wistfully, he walked over to the cabinet with the scotch.

Pouring another two fingers, he thought, "There must be a third way."

Pondering the tumbler and then looking out his window to the evening sky illuminating the city. The clouds were reflected in the steel and mirrored windows on the buildings nearby. Oranges, blues, violets and reds splashed across the sky and edifices. Lights were coming on and starting to lighten the darkening streets below. The sun going down meant that 'the city that never sleeps' was getting ready for its fun shift. Daytime meant work time for New Yorkers, nighttime meant party time.

But for Rick, nighttime didn't mean party time anymore, now it only meant he had helped keep Kate alive for another day. He had hope for another day.

Rick looked at his laptop, the cursor pulsing in the open empty document. It was almost taunting him 'write something'.

But now, he had nothing.

He was twisted in knots.

He could almost see a generic little girl with a daisy, pulling petals off saying," loves me, loves me not …" until the flower was denuded of petals. The little girl hoping that the on and off of love is positively, happily predicted by the flower.

He realizes that he is that little girl hoping that his love is requited. Is accepted. Is returned.

The sun finally retreating, allowing the darkness to penetrate. Castle sat in partial darkness, the desk lamp futilely holding back his office's gloom. Beyond the lamp's puny glow, the lights outside cast thin streams illuminating the rest of the loft.

"I did this to both of us, didn't I?" he ruefully thought. "If I hadn't gone to 'Dr. Death' and asked him to look at Kate's mother's murder, she wouldn't have been shot. She wouldn't now be threatened and maybe … just maybe I would have a chance with her."

He pondered for a moment. Then he shook his head.

"Her mother's murder is what defines her, what drives her. And until she finishes the job, solves the case, she won't move on. She'll remain in limbo. And now … now I am stuck in limbo, too."

* * *

_The soul is mirrored in the eyes_

_But how can I be sure_

_When the whole world is filled with such lies?_

* * *

A/N: 4x23 Always

Kate walked out of the twelfth precinct with her duffle of things, her mother's elephants, and the other personal items from her desk. She walked a couple of blocks to the subway station to take the train to her apartment.

More zombie-like than human, she sat in the subway car thinking of where she is in life, the stations passing every couple of minutes until she reached her stop. She walked the short block distance to her apartment and went up the stairs. She was too keyed up to wait for the elevator and needed to burn off the nervous energy she had.

Beckett didn't stay long in the apartment, her mind going too fast to be confined to the four walls. She felt like that woman in the picture in her living room, buffeted by winds she could not control, holding on to her hat, the only thing that she could control.

Her adrenaline finally started to wane, she could think a little more clearly.

Kate walked through the city aimless. Thinking about her mortality. Thinking about how close to death she came. How this was the second time she flirted with death after a big argument with Castle. How Castle kept her grounded.

How he was always able to help her.

He always brought her coffee.

He always …

Always.

Their word that was so full of subtext.

Always.

Their word that meant so much more.

Always.

The word that when he said it, he stopped and looked directly into her eyes.

The word that she said because she was scared to say more.

She knew it meant more from her.

She thought she could see it in his azure blue eyes.

That he meant more.

He loved her.

He said it when she was bleeding out on the green, green grass at the cemetery.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

He told her he kept clues on her mother's murder from her because of it.

"Because I love you! But you know that. You've known that about a year."

But after she essentially rejected his impassioned plea and, more importantly, his love, she wondered if he could forgive her.

Was his love big enough to overcome her shortsighted rejection? His love big enough to overlook, to break through her single-minded focus on her mother's murder.

She found herself at the swings outside that bookstore. The bookstore where she told him to "make it out to Kate" after being away with no contact for three months. Where they talked in more subtext unable to tell the other how they really felt.

She sat down in one swing, holding the chains.

It had started raining during her walk, now it was pouring down. Raining down, washing away … all her sins, perhaps?

She had sinned.

Sinned against Castle. Her partner. Her more than a partner. Her friend. Her one-and-done maybe? Conceivably, her always.

She looked at the empty swing beside her. Where Castle sat. Where he listened. Where he spoke in subtext that he would be patient. Is he patient still?

* * *

_So darling _

_Watch those sighs _

_And even more those eyes_

_And when you see them smile_

_For a long, long while_

_Then you'll know you've found the one_

_Who will always be true_

_I know that's how I found you_

* * *

A/N: 7x06 The Time of Our Lives

After seeing the Justice of the Peace off, Castle noticed his new father-in-law standing by himself and went over.

Shaking Jim Beckett's hand Castle said, "Jim, thank you for coming on such short notice."

"My pleasure, Rick," he responded. "I wouldn't think of being anywhere else."

They both turned toward where the ladies were congregated. The three most important women in Rick's life were together, his mother, his daughter and his wife. He was glad to see them gathered in such a joyful time after the difficult circumstance they had been through from this summer's fiasco. Martha, Alexis and Kate were talking animatedly with big smiles on the three of them, the biggest was on Kate of course.

Smiling at his new wife, he said to his new father-in-law, "I know this was sudden, but the case we just finished made me think. About leaving Kate at the altar, about how I hurt all of us, and how important Kate is to me. I wanted … I wanted to get past all of that. And the best way I knew how was to just do it. Just be where we should have been last summer. Married."

Turning away from the three ladies, Jim put his hand on his son-in-law's shoulder, "Rick, I may not totally understand your other reasons. But I understand the main one. I see how you look at Kate. I've seen that look before … well sorta. The look you have on your face is the look I had when I looked at Johanna. The look of pure, unadulterated ardor."

As if on cue, Kate looked over at the two men standing, but really she only saw one. Her new husband. Her big beaming smile softened. A demure smile crossed her face and her eyes glowed. Jim glanced at Castle and saw the same glowing look in his new son-in-law's eyes returned to his daughter.

"You should go to your bride," Jim said knowingly.

Shaking his head as if waking from a daze, turning to Jim, Castle said, "Sorry, Jim, I didn't mean to be so rude."

"No, no, Rick. I understand perfectly. You're in that newlywed bubble where all manner of things could happen around you and you don't notice."

Taking his arm and pushing him toward Kate, Jim continued, "Please, Rick. She's waiting. Mustn't keep your wife waiting. Don't want to start out on the wrong foot."

Chuckling Rick said, "No, I don't."

Starting to walk to Kate, Rick turned to Jim with a pondering look, "Jim, thank you also for being so understanding about … everything. I don't know if I would be as understanding for Alexis's intended."

"Rick, you're a good father. You would do anything for your daughter even if you may question her intended. And maybe question her judgment," Jim teased.

Rick smiled acknowledging the joke.

Jim continued, "Although I've had more than my share of failings, I'd like to think that I'm a good father, too. I know I'd do anything for Katie."

Rick strode toward his bride pulling her close as he reached her.

"May I have another dance, Mrs. Castle?"

"Another?" Kate responded.

"Yes, it gives me another opportunity to hold you close."

"Well, then, by all means."


	2. My Little Brown Book

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", these vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This is from his compilation album "The Gentile Side of John Coltrane" and originally on "Duke Ellington and John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this version, there are lyrics to the songs.

This song is "My Little Brown Book" by Billy Strayhorn. You can hear the song as played by Duke Ellington and John Coltrane on YouTube.

watch?v=_XcaFsmqKeg

There is an Aretha Franklin version with vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=Yb7jnNA57iM

This is the 5th song on the compilation album. I have previously written about the album's 2nd song, "What's New" and the 4th song, "Nancy (with the Laughing Face)" in my series "More Coltrane for Caskett". I haven't found lyrics to the third song on the album, "Welcome".

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com

* * *

My little brown book

With the silver binding

How it keeps reminding me

Of a memory that's haunting me

* * *

A/N: 2x12 A Rose For Everafter

"He's a good man, Kyra," Rick said to his first true love. "He's an honorable man."

Kyra Blaine looked at Rick Castle with wistful sadness, wondering about what could have been.

"And he loves you," Rick continued.

"I know." Kyra responded softly.

They both knew that that kiss on the rooftop last night was just a harkening back to where they both were long ago. A remembrance of their youth, of their immaturity. Of when she inspired him to write his next best-seller. Of once being a young couple in love.

But now that kiss wouldn't last. It couldn't sustain a relationship anymore.

It was time to finally let the past and each other go.

"And I love him, too," said Kyra.

She paused looking down at Rick's hands.

"That does not mean that I'm not going to think about you from time to time."

"You better," Rick answered.

They both knew that they would always have an affection, a love for one another that no one else would understand. A small part of each other's heart that would remain the other's until the day they died.

Kyra stood, collecting her coat and purse.

"Of all the murders in all the cities at all the weddings, and you walk into mine," Kyra said misquoting her namesake as she looked down at the still seated Rick.

"I'm glad I did," Rick answers.

Wistfully smiling, Kyra leans down and kisses Rick on his cheek.

"Thank you, Rick."

Putting her hand on his shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze with the unsaid "good-bye", she then turns and walks to Detective Beckett's desk outside the conference room.

Rick remained seated at the table, twirling the Flip camera with the exculpatory evidence of Kyra's fiancé, thinking about the past times with Kyra. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Kyra walking up to Beckett and saying something he couldn't hear. Then she turned and walked to the elevator leaving a pensive author still twirling the camera.

This was the second time Kyra walked out of his life.

Rick sat there thinking about the bittersweet memory of that last dance in Grand Central Station. And how now, she not only reminded him of their good memories, now Kyra gave him closure.

* * *

In some quiet nook

I go through its pages

And peruse this ageless tale

Of the love that failed

To ever become true

* * *

A/N: After 2x24 A Deadly Game

Rick Castle sat in his office in front of his laptop. He could look out the window and see the beach from his Hamptons house. The distraction of the surf and the sun and the beach called to him, but Gina wanted a new chapter today before she would let him out to play. He had procrastinated for long enough. He needed to put something into the open file.

They had worked on refining the outline for the second Nikki Heat book, "Naked Heat", the previous evening. He had felt the juices flowing for the creation, the writing. Gina and Rick had bandied different vignettes that could be sprinkled through the novel. But now, after a couple of more pleasurable rounds with Gina and then sleeping on it, the thread, the thoughts, the ideas left him.

Rick stared at the blinking cursor on the open document. No words poured forth from his fingers.

The cursor continued blinking, taunting him.

"Type something," the silent cursor mocked.

But nothing came forth.

Today, like the past two days since they arrived here at the house in the Hamptons, while there was light, Gina planned on working down by the pool. Here she found a way to combine business with pleasure.

Castle could hear her coming as the pricy flip-flops slapped her heels. She waltzed through the office with a skimpy bikini and a sheer wrap like a blonde goddess, teasing Rick with her sensuality.

"Uh uh uh," she said to Rick as he tried to grab at her to pull her into his lap. "I want a chapter by the end of the day. No playing until then."

His eyes downcast, Rick had a nearly pouting look on his face.

Gina kissed him and gently patted his chest. "I promise we'll play later," Gina followed seeing his disappointment.

"Rick, look at me," she said with an almost sorrowful look.

Rick raised his head, looking directly into Gina's eyes.

"I'm looking forward to playing with you," she said giving him a sultry look. "Later."

Rick smiled back and then looked down on his laptop. He started typing some gibberish to appear to be working, placating Gina.

She turned, her long blonde hair and her sheer wrap billowing behind her as she walked toward the door to the pool and beach beyond. In one hand was a beach bag with a towel peeking out and her cell phone, her other, a laptop bag.

"Even on vacation, she works," Rick thought. "Nose to the grindstone, I guess. But that is what makes her so good. And, at least now, she isn't all work. She's mixing business with pleasure," he thought smiling. "And last night definitely was a pleasure."

Turning away from the laptop, he pondered where he was emotionally.

"Being back with Gina is comfortable," Castle thought. "Our phone call the other day helped open up the lines again. Not like Beckett. She was closed off to me from the beginning. Hated me, didn't want me interfering with her investigations, her life."

He paused in contemplation, tapping his chin. "We're trying to do this again. At least we both know what we're getting into. I hope we can avoid our mistakes from last time."

Castle glanced around the room. To his right was the picture window looking out to the porch, the grassy backyard and beyond was the beach. Through the window he could see Gina walking down the pathway to the pool; her blonde hair billowing behind her. In front of him was a sitting area and beyond that was the big screen TV that he watched some of the pros and played video games. To his left was the bookcase, actually a wall full of bookcase with a rolling library ladder. In front of the bookcase was an easel with Nikki Heat cover art selections for "Naked Heat."

In front of him was his desk. Different from the one in the loft, this desk was somehow softer, calmer, keeping with the décor. Vacation homes at the beach shouldn't have very utilitarian looking furniture, his decorator had told him. Something more organic, more subtle, less overwhelmingly masculine like his desk in the loft.

He trusted his decorator and she had made an excellent selection. The desk was lighter, more airy than the loft's massive desk.

Though keeping with the décor, the desk didn't do anything about that taunting cursor on the laptop in the middle of it. The laptop cursor that continued to blink at him.

He punched at the backspace key so much and so hard that he thought he would almost break it. Soon he again had a blank file.

He hunched forward in his chair running his hands through his hair. He was massaging his scalp as if that would bring forth the words that he was missing. The words that would push Nikki and Rook's story forward. The works that would give the red herrings and the clues to finish and solve the case. The words that would make Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook more of a couple.

Standing up abruptly, sending his desk chair rolling away, he paced away from that awful, jeering cursor. He wandered the room looking at the various knick-knacks scattered on tables around the room. Finally he stood directly in front of the easel staring at the silhouette of Nikki Heat.

Looking at the books, he scanned for something to that would catch his eye. Then he saw an inspiration.

"Maybe something from 'The Bard' will spur something," Rick thought.

He picks up his copy of 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare' and opens it to a random page.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

"No," Rick thought. "Too trite, too often used."

He opens it again to a random page.

From the east to western Ind,

No jewel is like Rosalind

Her worth, being mounted on the wind,

Through all the world bears Rosalind.

All the pictures fairest lin'd

Are but black to Rosalind.

Let no face be kept in mind

But the fair of Rosalind.

"Now that sounds like a lover's missive," Rick thought. "Luckily, 'As You Like It' is not a tragedy like 'Romeo and Juliet'. Though at this juncture, I think Orlando has not won Rosalind's heart yet."

He paused thinking about the last time he saw 'As You Like It' performed. He recalled the actress who played Rosalind could have been Nikki Heat and the actor playing Orlando could have been Jameson Rook.

"Hmm," he thought. "Maybe there is something there I can use for their love story."

* * *

On this page is the date

Of that fateful night at eight

When we found we were no longer in love

After that there's nothing more

Just a dark and futile door

That shuts out the stars above

* * *

A/N 4x23 Always

Rick wanted to slam the door to Kate's apartment but he controlled his anger and just quietly closed it behind him. Not wanting to wait for the elevator, he quickly went to the stairs. Hastily down the flights of stairs to the lobby, he opened the door to the spring afternoon.

"I've grown to hate Kate's apartment," Rick thought walking away from Kate's apartment building. "Our most difficult times, our biggest fights always seem to happen there."

Rick walked to the corner and then hailed a cab. After a moment, a cab stopped in front of him. He got in and gave the loft's address. Without a backward glance he thought he probably would never see Kate or that apartment again.

"Come to think of it, I have hated that apartment from the beginning." Rick thought. "After her other apartment blew up, she stayed at the loft for about a week, I think. I remember it felt like she was rejecting my hospitality, rejecting me when she suddenly found this apartment and moved out."

He thought of some of the key things that happened there. The argument from a year ago. Just before she was shot.

"Alright, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss, and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it. So, no, I got no clue what we are. I know I don't want to see you throw your life away."

"Yeah, well, last time I checked, it was my life, not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years, I have been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough."

"You know what? This isn't about your mother's case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing so long, you're afraid to find out who you are without it."

"You don't know me, Castle. You think you do, but you don't."

"I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there, the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy. But you're afraid."

"You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out."

Looking out the cab window, watching the city pass, he ponders where he is in life. He was tired of the playboy image that Gina and Paula foisted on him to sell books. He was tired of it when a beautiful NYPD detective with the gorgeous eyes crashed his Derrick Storm book launch party four years ago. She changed his life. He didn't want to go back to that playboy way. Slowly but surely, Kate had made him want to be a better man, worthy of the extraordinary woman she is.

His imaginings of being a husband and father again were now over. Now, there is no way that Beckett, after this fight, will let him near her. And Beckett has ruined him for any other woman.

He had this dream of seeing Beckett in a white dress walking down an aisle like Jenny was only a few months ago.

He recalled what she said as they entered the cathedral on his arm.

"Well, who knows, Castle? Maybe third time's a charm."

Like maybe in the future he and she could be standing there like Kevin and Jenny were then, in front of an altar reciting vows to each other.

He dreamed of starting a family with her, making Alexis a big sister. But now, all that, that vision lays in ruins. The ruins that he had hoped would be her walls only ended up being his dreams.

Then he remembers the last words he thinks he will ever say to her.

"You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not gonna stick around and watch you. So this is, uh…over. I'm done."

Choking back a sob, inhaling deeply he thinks, "Beckett has rejected me at every turn. She rejected me at the beginning. She rejected me in minor ways that whole first year you were shadowing her. If she hadn't suddenly moved out after apartment blew up I wouldn't done that actress on the rebound. I wouldn't have been played by Ellie Monroe. I wouldn't have dreamed of bringing Ellie home if Beckett was still in the guest bedroom."

Getting angry, he thought, "She rejected your hospitality so she could date Demming. Date anybody but Castle."

Castle paused in his thoughts, seeing a couple, the man with his arm around the woman. Convinced that he would never see that with Beckett, he continued his thoughts.

"Then she rejected my invitation to the Hamptons. So I rebound with Gina."

Pausing, he leans his head back against the headrest.

"While she isn't a cheater, she could have at least acknowledged what I was offering in LA. She could have said something about that kiss to distract the guard. About us almost freezing to death in each other's arms."

"She has rejected me now," he sadly concludes.

He is getting angrier as he thinks of the times Beckett has rejected him as a paramour.

"But no, I'm just side show entertainment for her. She said, 'You make my job a little more fun,' '… the school's funniest kid …'" Rick thinks sarcastically. "I may occasionally help her solve murders, but that and the comic relief are the only things I mean to her."

He pauses with a realization, "That's why I hate her apartment. It's a physical representation of all of Beckett's rejection of me."

He balls his hands into a fist and pounds on his leg.

"Damn," he thinks. "Now I understand exactly how Rick Blaine felt in 'Casablanca'."

He pictures that famous scene of Rick Blaine and Sam. The searchlights coming in through the windows of Rick's Café Américain. A bottle of whiskey mostly gone. A full ashtray with a lit cigarette.

Rick pounding the table with his fist.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world … she walks into mine."

"Ilsa broke him. Just like Kate has broken me," he thought acerbically. "I now have something in common with my namesake, the women we love have destroyed us."

Finally, he remembers he needs to be home for Alexis. Writing that valedictory speech has got her tied in knots. He tempers his emotions. Getting control. Steeling himself. He is glad traffic is bad and the cab ride is not swift to give him time to calm himself and regain his composure.

After clearing his mind by watching the passing buildings and people, he starts thinking again calmly but sadly.

"I have failed in my mission to keep Kate alive," he thought gloomily. "Derrick Storm … hell, Rick Blaine would probably mock me about now. Not completing my mission."

His heart breaks with the knowledge that the next phone call he gets from Ryan or Esposito will probably be "Beckett is dead."

"I need to ignore calls from the 12th until after Alexis' graduation," he decides. "Get her through the ceremony and then … maybe then I'll be ready to face what happens."

Looking at the glow from the setting sun reflected off of the buildings, he thinks, "It's obvious. Her mother's murder is more important than anything or anyone. And her walls I thought were coming down are as strong as ever. The love I thought I saw in her eyes was just my imagination."

* * *

My little brown book

I inscribed your heart vows

But since we're apart

Now this and that last sweet kiss

Is all that's left of you

Is all that's left of you

* * *

A/N: 4x21 Headhunters

"You're upset," said Dr. Carter Burke to the agitated woman standing in front of him.

He perused Kate Beckett for signs that she was relapsing, but her tension was not related to her PTSD.  
"No. Yes. Okay? Fine. Yes. I thought that the two of us were actually getting closer together and now it seems like he's just pulling away."  
Pacing back and forth, Kate is desperately trying to understand what is happening with Castle.  
"Have you asked him why?" asked Burke probing Beckett, hoping to help her come to grips with the situation.  
"Yes. And he said, "Oh, everything is fine," she responds sarcastically.  
Burke smiles at Beckett's mocking imitation.  
"What makes you think it isn't?" Burke asks.  
"Because he's acting like a complete jackass!" Beckett answers agitated. "He shows up at the precinct with these bimbos hanging on his arm, and now he's running around with another cop!"  
"Is this other cop a woman?" Burke continues.  
"No! No. What? Why would you even ask that?" Beckett responds.  
Burke responds with a sardonic grin. "A typical woman would only be jealous of another woman," Burke thinks. "But Kate Beckett is not a typical woman, is she?"

While persistently pacing around the room Beckett continues, "That's not even the point. The point is I don't understand why he's acting like this. I mean, what did I do?"  
Taking another tack, Dr. Burke asks, "Well, maybe from his point of view, the question is, 'What didn't you do?'"  
Stopping her pacing dead Kate looks at Dr. Burke and asks uncomprehendingly, "Wait, what? W-what do you mean?"

Burke resumes, "When you were shot, Castle said that he loved you. How long ago was that?"  
"Seven months ago. But I wasn't ready to hear that then …"  
Pressing on Burke probes, "What do you think he's telling you with his behavior?"  
"That…maybe he's not there anymore, that maybe he's not ready?" She responds.

Beckett finally comes to a recognition of what has happened between her and Castle. She sighs resigned, stopping her pacing around the room she sits on the arm of her chair.  
"What if I waited too long?" She sadly, rhetorically asks.  
"You weren't waiting, Kate," says Burke. "You were healing."  
"Yeah, but then in the meantime, he's moved on."  
"Or he's protecting himself by not taking more emotional risks," Burke says trying to look at the more positive side.  
"So then, what do I do?"  
"What do you want to do?"

* * *

Walking into her apartment after her session with Dr. Burke, Kate ponders all what was said. Especially the main question he asked her.

"What do you want to do?"

Going to her bedroom, throwing her keys on the nightstand, she sees a book. One of his books. One by her favorite author. A book by the man who has followed her for four years. The man who told her he loved her.

She still hears him now, even though she was in such pain at the time laying on that green, green grass. She cannot forget, it was branded into her psyche.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

She sobs as she plops down sitting on her bed.

She picks up the book on her nightstand and opens it to the dedication.

"To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the twelfth"

"I have waited too long," she moaned. "Because of my mother's murder and my healing, I made him wait too long."

Putting her hand over her mouth, she starts weeping at the loss. The loss of the man who at one time wholeheartedly loved her.

"My healing … hah … my healing," she thinks. "If I had called him while I was healing and said I needed him, he would come. He would come to dad's cabin. I know now that he would have helped me heal. My walls kept him away."

Kate's tears fall, staining the dedication page in "Heat Wave" where he signed underneath.

He wrote:

Kate,

I meant it.

You are extraordinary.

Rick

Just like he meant what he said in the cemetery seven months ago. She cried more as she realized that he had probably loved her from the time before the first book.

She had kept him at arm's length for four years. Protecting her heart behind her walls.

"Great, Kate, only now when he is pulling away, do you realize how much he means to you. How much you want him. How much you need him," she sobbed. "How much … how much you … you lo … lo … him."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading!


	3. In a Sentimental Mood

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", these vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This is from his compilation album "The Gentile Side of John Coltrane". This song is originally from the album "Duke Ellington and John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this song, there are lyrics to the songs.

This song is "In A Sentimental Mood" by Duke Ellington. You can hear the song as played by the John Coltrane and Duke Ellington on YouTube.

watch?v=sR13ECD71xU

There is a version with the great Ella Fitzgerald vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=1gOij0El_IY

This is the 11th song on the compilation album/CD. I have previously written about the 7th song, "Lush Life" and the 9th song, "My One and Only Love", in my fanfiction "Coltrane from Rick to Kate." I haven't found lyrics to the 6th song, "Wise One", the 8th song, "Alabama", or the 10th song, "After the Rain" which are Coltrane originals.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

_In a sentimental mood  
__I can__ see the stars come through my room  
While your loving __attitude__  
Is like a flame that lights the gloom_

* * *

A/N: 5x01 After the Storm

Kate told Rick that even though she was on suspension, she was still going to appointments with her therapist. She still felt she needed to go though she was paying for them out of her own pocket.

"I still need to talk some things through, but I think I am about where I want to be."

"Kate. I'm glad you did the work. You are so strong now. I am so in awe of you."

She leaned in and kissed him. Unlike previous times when Kate kissed him, Rick did not try to heighten the kiss.

Kate looked at him questioningly.

"Kate, I … uhm," Rick stammered.

"What, Castle?" Kate said in a teasing tone. "Did I come on too strong?"

"Well, Kate, uhm"

"Spit it out, Castle." Kate said exasperated.

"Could I come with you to your next appointment? I would like to meet your therapist."

"Castle."

"No, uh no, I don't want to sit in. I just want to meet him," Castle countered.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. Castle, you can come," Kate answered. "I don't understand why though. Why do you want to meet Dr. Burke?"

"Well, I …"

"Castle."

"It's kinda personal."

"Rick, we have seen each other naked. We have been having sex. If we are going to be lovers, or more. I think I'd like to be more, by the way. Do you think secrets are a good idea?" Kate asked.

"No, Kate, I don't," Rick responded. "Our secrets that we revealed over a week ago almost broke us irreparably. So no, I don't think secrets between lovers is33 a good idea."

Beckett looked at Castle as if to say "I'm waiting."

"Kate, I'll tell you after the appointment, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay, Castle, if you want to come you can. I won't object. And if you don't want to tell me why right now, that is okay, too."

"Thanks. When?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay," Castle responded. "I've got to go to Black Pawn for a while today. But I'll clear everything so I can go with you tomorrow."

* * *

Castle fidgeted as he rode in the cab with Beckett. Beside him was a satchel that he held tightly, keeping it away from Beckett so that she couldn't see what was in it. She looked over at her partner, her lover, her 'one and done' perhaps. She then looked down on their entwined hands, feeling the tingle of the new loving relationship they had. He didn't look back at her. He was looking everywhere but at her. But he didn't pull away when she sought his hand. In fact, he held her hand firmly.

He remained silent while the cab made its way to Dr. Burke's office. Kate felt no need to break the silence. She was deep in thought about the major changes that had come over her life in the past several weeks.

She came very close to death again.

The person who shot her at Montgomery's funeral was discovered and now dead.

She found out who killed her mother.

She concluded what she wanted to do.

She wanted Castle.

She went to him and he forgave her for discarding his love for her mother's murder.

They were lovers now, reveling in the newness of their relationship.

The pair, lost in thought, hands still entwined, did not realize that they had arrived until the cabbie grunted. Castle paid the driver and then escorted Beckett to the office building lobby. Silently, they went into Burke's empty waiting room and sat down next to each other still holding on to each other's hands as if the other would disappear if they let go. Dr. Burke emerged shortly after and went over to Kate. The pair stood up.

"Hello, Kate," Burke said shaking her hand. "It is good to see you."

"Thank you doctor," Kate responded. "You, too."

She paused looking over at Castle, preparing to introduce him.

"Rick Castle," Castle said putting out his hand. "It's good to meet you sir."

Burke shook Rick's hand, "It's good to finally meet you, too. Kate has told me a lot about you."

"Not all bad, I hope," Castle said jokingly.

Burke chuckled, "No, not all bad."

There was a moment of awkward silence while Castle opened the satchel and handed Burke a book.

"Sorry," Castle said. "I was taught that when someone does something incredible for you, it should be acknowledged. I couldn't think of anything else on short notice so … uh … here, this is an advance copy of 'Frozen Heat'."

Burke looked at him questioningly, wondering what incredible thing he did for this man he had never met before. Then it dawned on him and a smile came to his face.

"You're welcome, Rick."

"I'll be going now," Rick said.

He kissed Kate and then said, "Dinner later? Call me."

"I will, Castle."

As Castle left, Burke escorted Beckett into his office.

"Obviously, you have resolved some things with Mr. Castle." Burke said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

* * *

Dr. Burke completed his notes on the latest session with Kate. He cringed at her description of the battle she had with her adversary on the roof of the hotel. She described the fallout from that battle and her subsequent realization that she wanted Castle more than solving her mother's murder. He was satisfied with her progress and felt that she had achieved the goals she had laid out when they started their post-psych eval sessions. They discussed what was next for her. He told her that while she could schedule an appointment at any time, he felt there was not a continued need for semi-regular meetings.

Finally putting down his pen and closing the file folder to put it into his cabinet, he noticed the gift book that Castle left for him. 'Frozen Heat' was at the top of the cover with 'Richard Castle' at the bottom. On the cover he saw a silhouette of a woman with a gun.

Burke opened the book and went to the dedication page.

To all the remarkable,

maddening, challenging,

frustrating people who inspire us

to do great things

Burke chuckled at the words there thinking that Castle obviously meant Beckett with this dedication. Below the dedication was a hand written note.

Dr. Burke,

Words cannot express how grateful

I am for all the help you have given us.

All I can say is

Thank you

Rick Castle

* * *

_On the wings of every kiss  
Drifts a melody so strange and sweet  
In this sentimental bliss  
You make my paradise complete  
_

* * *

A/N: 5x02 Cloudy With a Chance of Murder

After completion of her administrative leave, Detective Kate Beckett prepares for her first day back on the job as part of NYPD. In her bedroom sits Rick Castle, her new boyfriend now that Beckett has finally realized her feelings for the author. She steps in front of the mirror in a flowery, semi-sheer blouse and looks herself over while Castle hands her a cup of coffee.

"Castle, what do you think of this one?" Kate asks.

Looking her over Rick says, "Mmm. Sexy."

"Sexy? What do you mean by sexy?"

"I mean… Well, I … I mean sexy. Yeah, sexy. What's wrong with sexy?" Castle responded incredulously.

"Oh, god, Castle. This is my first day back at work. I'm supposed to look normal."

"No one is going to be able to tell that we're together by how you are dressed," Castle says trying to be helpful.

Beckett opens her armoire to change her shirt, "Oh, no? I only work with a roomful of detectives. It's their job."

Beckett takes off her first blouse and pulls out a plain white collared shirt. Putting it on and closing it without buttoning the blouse, she asks, "What about this one?"

Shaking his head, Castle says, "No."

Kate sighs in frustration and turns back to her closet to find another blouse. Smiling, eyeing his stunning, half naked, girlfriend, Castle waits and watches.

Finally realizing Castle's game, Beckett pauses and turns back around. Glaring at Castle, she says, "You just want me to take my shirt off again, don't you?"

Trying for an innocent incredulous look, "What?"

While buttoning up her shirt, Beckett says, "Stop it. I told you, the NYPD has a strict policy about coworkers … dating."

"Yes, but since I'm not getting paid, technically we're not coworkers," Castle helpfully responds.

"Oh, really? And you think that Captain Gates is gonna see it that way? If anyone finds out, and she gets wind of it—"

Castle interrupts, "No one is going to find out. I haven't even told my mother or Alexis."

"Yeah, that's because they're in Europe celebrating her graduation."

"Yes, true. But I haven't told them long distance. Look, no one is going to find out."

Beckett's cell beeps with an incoming text.

"But just to be safe, you might want to change out of those pants," Rick suggests as he pulls Kate close.

Kate checks her phone to see what the text was. "Oh, there's a murder uptown."

"Damn," Castle thinks. "No way are we going to have more playtime."

"And looks like the pants stay on," Castle says sadly.

As she puts her arms around Castle's shoulders and he folds his hands behind her back, Beckett says, "Castle, remember, act normal. And when we're in public, you're single and I'm single. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Thanks."

Leaning in, she kisses Rick.

"Wow," she says happily as she grabs her jacket and walks to the door.

"So that's a no to carpooling then?" Castle asks.

She turns to him giving him a Beckett glare before she leaves the room.

"I'll take a cab."

* * *

_Rose petals seem to fall  
It's all I could dream to call you mine  
My heart's a lighter thing  
Since you made this night a thing divine_

* * *

A/N: After 5:02 Cloudy With a Chance of Murder

It was girl's night out for Kate and Lanie. While she didn't want to leave Rick alone, he said that he would be at home, writing notes on the recently closed case, waiting for her.

Lanie suggested that they meet somewhere other than 'The Old Haunt' thinking that it would be less likely Ryan, Esposito or some other member of the 12th would run into them. So here Kate was, still in her work clothes, sitting in a booth waiting for Lanie.

A couple of guys tried to pick her up, but she gently told them all that she was meeting someone.

Finally, Lanie showed up and sat down at the table.

"Sorry I'm late, Kate," said Lanie apologetically. "I helped Perlmutter on a body and it was …"

Kate held up her hand as if "say no more."

"It's okay Lanie. Believe me, I understand"

Kate had ordered a drink for Lanie when she texted she was on her way. The red wine in their glasses glistened in the dim lights of the tavern.

"Cheers," Kate said raising her glass and taking a sip.

After sipping, Lanie put her glass down and said, "Okay, spill."

"What?"

"You may be putting on a show for the boys but Kate, tell me, did you finally come to your senses and got your freak on with 'writer boy'? Hmm?"

"What ARE you talking about Lanie?" Kate asked as she hid her smile behind her wine glass.

"Kate Beckett! I see that smile. You did, didn't you? You did the deed?" Lanie cried.

Kate put her glass down and just smiled at Lanie.

"You did! I want details! Well maybe not all the gory details, but details none the less."

"Okay, okay, Lanie," Kate chuckled. "Let me get some more liquid encouragement."

Kate took a large sip of her wine, then said, "Right before Esposito and I were suspended, Rick and I had a big fight."

"I remember," Lanie helpfully added.

"We fought about several things, one of which was he knew I remembered."

"Oh my, Kate."

"That is why he was acting weird the last month or so. He overheard me while I was interrogating a suspect during the Boylan Plaza bombing case."

"What did he hear?"

"He heard me say that I remembered every minute of my shooting. When he told me he loved me. He thought I didn't feel the same," Kate said sadly.

"Oh, sweetie," Lanie said as she touched her friend's arm.

"He was keeping a secret from me, too. He was in contact with an old friend of Captain Montgomery's. Montgomery sent this friend a file on my mother's murder. Apparently all the incriminating evidence against the kingpin was in that file. This friend made a deal but for the deal to work, to keep me safe, Castle had to keep me away from my mother's case."

"And you got mad at him for hiding this?" Lanie asked knowing the answer.

Kate nodded. "I was furious. I asked him how he could do this, keep this from me. That's when I found out he knew I remembered. He said he did it because he loved me and that I knew that he loved me, that I heard him."

Kate took another sip of wine, then said, "The people behind my mother's murder were the ones behind Orlando Costas' murder, too. They were trying to get Montgomery's files. Castle tried to stop me from going after them but I went headlong into battle. He said he couldn't stay and watch, so he left. I guess he thought I was rejecting his love … rejecting him in favor of my mother's murder."

"Weren't …"

They stopped talking when the waitress came by. Once she was out of earshot getting refills for them, they continued.

"Weren't you?"

"Looking back, I can see it now. But at the time, I didn't see it until …"

"Until what, Kate?"

"Did … did Espo tell you what happened that day?"

"No, I … I haven't talked with him much lately. Pretty much since we broke up," Lanie added unhappily.

Kate nodded. "We found out where he was so Espo and I went after the guy who shot me. We didn't tell Gates and we didn't have backup. He got the jump on Espo and me. I followed him to the roof. I fought him, but he was ex-special forces. He tossed me around like a rag doll."

Lanie gasped.

"I went to tackle him but he grabbed me and threw me. I ended up hanging by my fingers on the edge of the building. I would have died if Ryan and some uniforms hadn't pulled me to safety."

"Oh my."

"While I was hanging there, all I could think about was Castle. Not my mother's murder. Not the guy who shot me and threw me off the roof. Nothing but Castle."

"That was a 'shock to the system', wasn't it?" Lanie asked.

Kate smiled, "My dad says my mom used to say that 'sometimes you get a wakeup call gently and sometimes you get a two-by-four right between the eyes'."

Lanie smiled back at her friend.

Before Kate could continue, the waitress brought their second round of wine.

"Here's to friends coming to their senses," Lanie toasted. "And two-by-fours."

"Thanks, Lanie," Kate smiled as she took a sip of wine.

"Sooo?"

"Ok, well, I was distraught. I lost my job and I lost Castle. I went to those swings where last year I essentially asked him to wait for me. I sat on one swing staring at the one beside me while the rain was coming down. It was pouring."

"I think I remember that night. Was that the night Alexis graduated?"

Kate nodded. "She was giving a valedictory speech. Castle was … is so proud of her."

Kate paused taking another sip of wine.

"I sat there getting soaked, wondering what I should do… what I could say to Castle. I resolved to go to Castle's loft and apologize. I hoped he would forgive me. I went to his door dripping. You should have seen him, Lanie. He was so angry at me."

Lanie took a sip, then asked, "And then?"

"I apologized. I explained that I just wanted him."

Kate paused taking another sip of wine.

"Well, go on," Lanie urged.

"He accepted my apology," Kate said, hiding her smile behind her glass.

"Kate Beckett! You CAN'T leave me hanging."

"Okay. Okay. We started making out against his door. Then I dragged him to his bedroom."

"I'm glad for you, Kate," Lanie smiled. "So, from the smile on your face, there have been repeat performances?"

"Three rounds that first night," Kate grinned. "And lots more since then."

"You do have a glow, Kate," Lanie smiled back at her friend. "I told you so in the morgue."

"It's been very nice, Lanie. Oh, by the way Lanie, you need to call him 'writer man' from now on," Kate beamed.

"Kate Beckett!"

* * *

_In a sentimental mood  
I'm within a world so heavenly  
For I never dreamt that you'd be _

_Loving sentimental me_

* * *

A/N: 7x06: Time of Our Lives

Hand-in-hand, Rick and Kate walked their family members to the waiting limousine everyone still in a glow from the beautiful marriage ceremony. Martha and Alexis on one side of the car with Kate while Rick and Jim were on the other.

Alexis hugged Kate and said, "Take care of my dad."

"I will, always."

Rick shook Jim's hand saying, "Thanks again for coming. And thank you for being so understanding."

"You're welcome, Rick. Anything for Katie," Jim responded.

Kate hugged Martha saying, "We'll see you tomorrow at the loft."

"Kate, I cannot imagine a better woman for my son than you. I know his heart is safe with you."

"Thank you, Martha."

Their mind link working, Rick and Kate switched sides of the car.

As Rick walked to the other side, Alexis hugged her dad, "You be good."

"Who's the parent here?" Rick teased.

Still embracing, Alexis looked up at her dad and teased, "I am."

Rick said smiling, "I love you, Pumpkin."

"I love you, too, dad."

He released Alexis as she entered the limo.

Looking back up at his mother, he said, "Thanks for helping set this up. This made the both of us very happy."

"Sure thing, kiddo," Martha replied.

Silently they hugged and then she sat in the limo beside Alexis.

"See you tomorrow," Rick said closing the limo door.

Kate hugged her dad on the other side of the car.

"Katie, I know she is happy for you. She would be so proud. Just like I am," said Jim.

"I felt mom's presence, dad. I think she would be happy for me, too. I know I am so happy."

"You're positively glowing, Katie. The last time I remember seeing someone glowing as much as you was when Johanna was walking down the aisle toward me."

"Thanks, dad. That means a lot to me."

Releasing each other, Jim and Kate silently looked at each other. Jim leaned in, kissing Kate on the cheek. He turned and then entered the limo, the driver shutting the door.

Alexis and Martha turned in the back seat and waved at the couple through the back window.

The newlyweds stood arm-in-arm as they waved to the town car taking Jim, Alexis and Martha back to the city.

Turning to reenter the house, Castle stopped Kate with his hand. Kate looked at him questioningly. Rick opened the door and then picked up Kate bridal style. He entered the foyer and kicked the door closed.

Kate leaned up, pulled his head to her with both her hands and kissed him before saying, "Babe, please put me down. I don't want you to hurt your back on your wedding night. I have other plans for you tonight that require a fully functioning back."

"Hmm," Rick said pondering as he put Kate back down on the floor. Standing together, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another steamy kiss.

Breaking apart to breathe, Rick and Kate pressed their foreheads together. Panting slightly, they stood there serenely in each other's embrace. The quiet of the house broken only by their breaths. They turned to go up the stairs and then Kate's stomach growled loudly.

Kate put her hand to her mouth to hide her smile. "Sorry," she said grinning. "I guess I need something to eat before we ravish each other."

Rick removed his tuxedo jacket as he entered into the kitchen. In no time he whipped up a repast for them both to tide them over until morning.

* * *

After consummating their marriage, they lay in bed, the glow from the fireplace melding with their post-coital afterglow. Kate lay her head on Castle's right shoulder, Kate's right hand tracing lazy patterns on his chest.

"I can hear you thinking, Kate," Rick said smiling.

Snuggling into Rick's side, her hand pulling Rick into a hug, she says, "I can't believe how happy I feel right now. I feel that I could almost float away, I feel so light."

Kissing the top of her head, inhaling the cherry scent he has grown to love, he quietly says, "I feel it, too."

They lay in silence for a moment, Rick's hand gently caressing Kate's naked back.

"Mmm," Kate purrs. "That feels good."

"I love touching you, Kate. I can feel an almost electric tingle when our skin touches."

"Mmhmm, me, too."

"Part of me wonders what our old selves would think if they saw us now. You know, when you crashed my "Storm Fall" book party."

"They would see two very happy people, not hiding behind our walls."

"I suppose you're right, I was hidden behind my wall, too. I was playing at being an arrogant playboy when you met me there."

"A man-child, emphasis on the child," Kate teasingly added.

Rick chuckles, "I suppose you're right."

"Suppose?"

"Okay, you're right. But what changed your mind about me?"

"I saw the man behind the playboy façade. How good a father and son you are. As much as you say Alexis is the parent, you had to be a pretty good father to raise such a young woman," Kate says lovingly.

"I'm glad you saw through the façade," Rick said as he kissed the top of Kate's head. "I have been dreaming about being here with you as my wife for a long time."

Pulling herself up to face Rick, Kate softly kisses him.

"Me, too. I love you, Rick."

"I love you, too, Kate."

She kisses him again and says, "Your wife is wondering if her husband is ready for round two?"

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading!


	4. I Want to Talk About You

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his compilation album "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this song from the album, there are lyrics to the songs.

These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I Want to Talk About You" by Billy Eckstine. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=G4cQkkObYDY

There is a version with Billy Eckstine vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=96DAcgmStS8

This is the last song on the compilation album/CD (#13). I haven't found lyrics to the 12th song on the album, "Dear Lord" which is a Coltrane original.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

* * *

_Don't tell me about a night in June_

_Or a shady lane beneath the velvet moon_

_Don't tell me, 'cause I wanna talk about you._

* * *

A/N: 5x01 After the Storm

"Kate!" Rick said. "I found it! Look at this!"

"What Castle? What did you find that possibly could be so important you yelled across my apartment, disturbing my neighbors?"

"This," said Castle as he pointed to his laptop. On the screen was a picture of a beautiful beach cabana with white diaphanous curtains waving in a gentle breeze. Two chaise lounges were sitting in the light brown sand. Between them was a small table with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne with two flute glasses. Beyond was the bluest ocean that Kate had ever seen. The sky had a few gentle puffy white clouds. The idyllic scene brought the scent of coconut sun tan lotion to Kate's mind.

"Can't you see us there? Relaxing, resting, leaving all the murders and mayhem we deal with behind us?"

"Castle, it is lovely, but I can't afford this, as much as I would like to. I have enough to get me through my suspension, but I can't drop 10 or 20 grand on airfare and lodging. I'm on a budget," Kate said resignedly.

"How about my treat?" Castle said. "I can afford it."

"Yes, I know you can. But, since NYPD has a strict policy against co-workers dating, you giving me a gift of this trip would have me up on an ethics inquiry at a minimum."

"Why?"

"Since we are 'officially' not dating, that trip would be considered a gift or gratuity. Any gift or gratuity of over a threshold is illegal for me to accept. In other words, it looks like a bribe, Castle."

"Oh," said Castle. "I'd never thought of that."

"Well, I have to Castle," Kate replied. "But it is sweet that you want to take me on an exotic vacation."

"I just figured getting out of town would be good for the both of us. We could get away from the stench of Bracken and all the other stuff going on right now. We could be just us, Rick and Kate, exploring a new phase of our relationship."

"New phase? Is that what the cool kids are calling it now?" Kate teased.

"Well, the way I see it, we've been dating for a couple of years now." Castle said somewhat smugly. "We're just taking the next step."

"Dating? A couple of years? Castle, we only started up a few nights ago. Since when have we been out on a date?" Kate said indignantly.

"Let me see … I remember going to dinner together at Remy's several times. And out for drinks many times. Oh, yeah, going to see "Forbidden Planet" at the Angelica. Going to that strip club where you wore that sheer dress. Ooh, that time we went dancing and you wore that sinfully short navy excuse of a dress." Castle paused and smiled thinking about that dress and how great Kate's legs looked. Every time she would push the Ferrari's clutch or brake, her dress would ride up high on her thighs.

"Castle!"

Shaking his head to clear the thought of Kate's lovely legs, Rick continued, "Hell, we started dating about four years ago. Remember, we went to the Metropolitan American Dance Theater Gala?"

"Castle, most of those were undercover operations. The others were just co-workers seeing each other after work."

"Uhuh. Co-workers? Huh, I don't recall, were Ryan and Esposito with us?" Castle questioned. "Wasn't it mostly just the two of us? Weren't you wearing a dress to many of them?"

Castle started counting on his fingers.

"Let me see. Seeing each other outside of work." He puts down one finger.

"Just the two of us." He puts down a second finger.

"Both of us dressed up." He puts down a third finger.

"Many were dinners together." He puts down a fourth finger.

"Or doing something enjoyable together … like dancing." He puts down his last finger.

"They're dates, Kate," Rick concluded.

"They weren't dates, Castle." Beckett rejoined.

"We didn't talk 'shop' all the time. We talked about Alexis. You told me about your family. We talked about our life outside of work. We talked about our hopes and dreams. We commiserated on trials in our lives. We were getting to know each other. Isn't that what dates are for, Beckett? Getting to know each other in an enjoyable situation?"

"Well. I guess so."

"So we have been dating for four years and now we've gotten intimate. 'Gone to the next phase' of our relationship."

"Arggh," Kate says shaking her head and turning away.

* * *

_Don't mention that waterfall_

_Or that shady nook where crickets softly call_

_Don't tell me, 'cause I wanna talk about you._

* * *

A/N: 5x21 The Squab and the Quail

Rick had been pondering the aftermath of the case of Erik Vaughn. He had a lot to think about.

He recalled his conversation with Martha.

_"Well … not totally committed." _

"_What do you mean?"_

_Martha held up her left hand. "Well, there isn't a ring on her finger, is there? Technically she's not really committed at all."_

He thought about what that meant. Of course, he knew it meant an engagement, marriage, family, the whole nine yards.

He had reservations. He had doubts.

Kate allowed Erik Vaughn to kiss her.

"Yeah," he thought. "Not exactly like finding Meredith in bed screwing her director while being married to me."

He still felt a little tinge of betrayal because of that kiss. And a little jealousy. Maybe a whole lot of jealousy.

"Mother is right," he resignedly thought. "I haven't put a ring on that finger like that Beyoncé song says. If I like it, I better put a ring on it."

He thought about his other failed marriage. It looked so good "on paper."

A marriage of a high powered publisher and a best-selling author, what could possibly go wrong? But it did and the ashes of that fiasco still linger in his psyche.

He told Beckett that it didn't matter they didn't make sense on paper.

He smiled as he thought of ESPN's Chris Berman. Many times on the sports highlight show, Berman would say something about one of the teams being superior to the other "on paper." Then Berman would follow with, "But, that's why they play the game!"

"Yeah," he thought. "That's why you live life, risk being hurt. Because that's why 'play the game' of life."

He thought some more about what Erik Vaughn said as he left the precinct.

_"You know … that's an extraordinary woman you have there."_

_ "I know."_

_ "Do you?"_

Castle knew she was extraordinary a long time ago. The first Nikki Heat book dedication declared that he thought Beckett was extraordinary. He knew she was extraordinary when he met her at that Derrick Storm book party almost 5 years ago. Looking back at the past several days, Rick could see that maybe Kate thought that Castle didn't feel she was extraordinary anymore. Maybe Beckett had reservations, too.

He decided that being a wordsmith and writing something would be too easy, too pedestrian. He needed to show Kate how much she meant to him.

* * *

Kate had been staring at the same page in her book for the past half hour, not making it past the first paragraph on the page. Her thoughts were miles away. Her relationship with Castle appeared to be at a plateau. He wasn't interested in 'extracurricular activities' the other night. He was more interested in playing a video game with his online friend Patel.

"In his defense," Kate thought. "I did hit him pretty cold. He was lost in his game to the point where he tunes everything out. He gets that way when he's writing, too."

Then she thought about Erik Vaughn. How he came on to her the way Castle did at the beginning. Of course, she was flattered by the attention, but it didn't change her feelings for Castle.

"It's just he hasn't really said much of anything about our relationship since that murdered priest case," Kate thought. "And then the things his ex-wife said, how Castle seems so open but is really closed off. How he doesn't talk about things."

She thought about the discussion with Erik in the hotel suite.

_"Is it serious?" He followed._

_Kate paused. "Yes. Yeah, you could say it is serious."_

"_But the truth is, you don't really know. Otherwise, you wouldn't have hesitated."_

"_No, it's just, oh, we've never really talked about it. That's all."_

"_Why not?" Eric pressed._

_Kate shook her head. "Just haven't."_

"_Then he's a fool." _

"_No, it's… it's just, it's complicated." Kate answered. _

_Eric continued to press. "Kate, there's nothing complicated about meeting a woman like you and knowing what to do."_

Kate pondered where she was and where she was going. Where their relationship was going. She liked the idea of a future with Castle but she wasn't sure he was.

Castle's feelings seemed to be a contradiction. He stayed with Kate when she stood on the bomb. He could have died, left Alexis fatherless and left Martha without her only child. But on this case, he acted like a petulant child. He was so jealous of Erik.

"He didn't trust me, did he?" Kate thought.

* * *

"What is it Castle?" asked Beckett as she followed Castle into the study. "I was really comfortable on that couch."

In front of Rick, there was a TV tray table with two lit candles, a long stemmed rose, a set of clippers and incongruously, a camo game controller.

Rick holds up his hand to stop Kate's questioning. "There's something I need to do. Something you need to see."

Rick picks up the clippers and the cord to the game controller. He proceeds to cut the cord.

"Wait … no, Ca … I didn't say I never want you to play your game again."

"No, don't worry, I have more cords. This is just symbolic," says Rick waving it away.

After putting down the clippers, he continues, "But, you're right. I've been taking you for granted. But no longer, tonight … it's all about me."

Beckett looks at him questioningly, "Shouldn't it be about me?"

"Nope. Tonight it's all about me … giving you a romantic full body massage," Rick says as he clicks his remote and a sensual electric guitar music starts to play.

Rick walks over to a dumbfounded Kate and kisses her.

"Castle," Kate whispered.

"Yeah."

"Where are we going?"

"To the bedroom," Rick answers as he turns and walks through the door. "Come on. You're going to love this."

* * *

_The moon and the stars, the objects on mars_

_Are things that we've talked of before_

_But your love for me was the question_

_Your answer throws back heaven's door, so_

* * *

A/N 6:01 Valkyrie

Kate had woken up with a start. She had heard a noise that disturbed her.

"It must have been Castle," she thought.

Kate glanced toward her nightstand. The pre-dawn glow of the sun softly, lazily lit the bedroom. Sleepily reaching for her phone with her left hand, she tapped the start button to see the time. The glow from the phone bathed her hand with enough light to see things around her. Then she noticed something different on her hand.

She held up her left hand to check to make sure that she wasn't still dreaming. Then she realized that she was staring at her left hand. More specifically, staring at the new addition to her hand on her left hand ring finger. The diamond ring sparkled in the light, the adjacent filigree adding to the aura around the centerpiece diamond.

"What a change in my life from 24 hours ago," she reflected. "I thought that Castle was through with me. I never expected this."

She started to think about the evening before. Walking toward the swings that they had so much history with. Where she asked him to wait for her. Where she thought about how she messed up their future while getting drenched in the rain. And how she felt she had messed up again so bad that she had broken them. Each time, Castle surpassed her expectations.

_Beckett walked from her car into the park. She sat in the swing beside Castle sitting the opposite way from him. A metaphor for where she felt they were. Going in opposite directions._

_Barely looking at Castle, Kate started, "I'm sorry … I shouldn't have kept secrets."_

_ Not looking back at Beckett, with a serious tone Castle responded, "It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch."_

_ "Castle , I …"_

_ Castle interrupted, "Please let me finish. … I've been doin' a lot of thinking about us, about our relationship. What we have. Where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more."_

_ Beckett could barely choke out the words, "… I agree." _

_ "Here it comes," she thought sadly. "He's breaking up with me."_

_ "So whatever happens, whatever you decide …"_

_Rick quickly stands up as if to leave and then promptly goes down on one knee between the swings._

_Facing Beckett, holding up a ring, Castle asks, "Katherine Houghton Beckett … will you marry me?"_

_ Kate stood up in shock, "Oh my god. Oh my god, you're proposing."_

_ Rick stood up too, "Okay, you're surprised."_

_ "Of course I'm surprised. I thought you were breaking up with me."_

_ Confused, Rick asks, "By offering you a ring?"_

_ "You just, you were so serious."_

_ "Yeah. Of course I'm serious. This is the most serious thing I've ever done."_

_ Kate grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss._

_ "So that's a 'yes'?" smiling, Rick asked._

_ "No, wait."_

_ "No?"_

_ "No, no, no. Not no."_

_ "So yes?"_

_ "Uh."_

_ "Not yes?"_

_ "No, not not yes. I … uh."_

_ "You do know how this works, right?" Rick asked._

_ "There's something I have to tell you. I got the job."_

_ "In D.C.?"_

_ "Castle, I love you. But this is my shot. If I don't do this, I'll always regret it. Look, if this changes anything for you. If this changes the way that you feel …"_

_ Rick interrupted, "Kate, I'm not proposing to you to keep you here … or because I think I'm going to lose you. I'm proposing because I can't imagine my life without you. If that means that when things get difficult we have to figure them out, I'm willing to figure them out. Assuming you're willing to figure them out with me."_

_ Kate nodded and smiled, "Well in that case, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, yes, yes, I will marry you."_

_ Kate sighed as Rick slipped the ring on her finger._

_ "It's big," Kate said._

_ "You just have remarkably tiny fingers."_

_ Kate linked both of her hands in both of his saying, "We're going to be able to make this work, right?"_

_ "We're gonna be great. D.C. is gonna be great!" _

Touching her lips, she almost could still feel the kiss they had by their swings, sealing their engagement. The rest of her sated, tingling body could still feel the post engagement celebration they had afterward in bed.

She turned her head in her pillow, gazing at the broad bare back and neck of the man who proposed the evening before. She saw the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. Every so often Castle took a deep breath and let it out with a small snore.

"My fiancée," she mused. "Who would have thought? Lanie will be so surprised and excited. Heck, I'm excited."

She shook her head. "Oh my God, now I'm sounding like a teenage girl excited about going to prom with the handsome quarterback. This is so much more than that."

She turned her head again to look at Castle. Sliding closer to him, she nuzzled his neck breathing in his musky cologne scent that she adored. Wrapping her arm around his chest, she spooned in behind him.

"This wonderful, caring man who has waited for me, forgiven me, loved me, has now asked me to be his wife and if I would take him to be my husband."

She put her ear to his back to listen to the rise and fall of his breath.

Satisfied, she kissed his back and then gently rolled away from him to let him rest.

As she lay in the pre-dawn light, she thought about all the things that needed to be done.

"Packing, finding a place in D.C., getting a car," she thought.

Then, holding her hand up, looking at the ring again, she was lost in thought about their future together.

"Kate, is something wrong?" asked Rick still laying on his side.

"No … no, nothing," Kate said. "Sorry I woke you."

"That's okay. Just so you know, even when I'm asleep, my body reacts to you, Kate."

"Mhmm," Kate responded.

Rick rolled over, facing her in the bed, "Especially when you kiss me," he said as he kissed her back.

"Oh, is that right?" Kate teased.

"Yes, it is. And for disturbing me and waking me up I think I deserve something in return. Hmm, what do I want," tapping his lips, Castle suggestively smiled.

"I wonder," Kate responded rolling her eyes.

"I think I deserve some more post engagement celebration."

"You do, do you?"

"Yes, I do."

* * *

_Tell me, your love will be sincere,_

_Then my darling, you needn't ever fear_

_I love you and I wanna talk about you._

* * *

A/N 7:06 Time of Our Lives

Beckett lay on Castle's chest drawing a gentle pattern with her fingers. Castle matched her finger patterns with some of his own he was drawing on her back. Their post-coital glow cocooned them from the rest of the world.

Kate snuggled into Castle and purred.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" Kate lazily responded.

"You know, I thought about this since the first time we kissed."

"What Castle, when I was all wet at your door? You're not talking about sex, are you? We had sex that same night. Or maybe you're thinking about us getting married?"

"Well, sex too, but no, being in a relationship, getting married," Castle answered.

"Mhmm," Kate purred.

"But Kate, that wasn't the first time we kissed."

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, it was long before that," Castle continued. "About a year and a half before."

At first Beckett was confused and then she smiled knowingly and said, "The guard."

"Yeah. The guard."

"But that was long before we got together," Kate said questioningly. She raised her head off of Castle's chest, looking in his eyes.

"Yeah, you were with doctor motorcycle boy at the time."

"How? What made you think we would get together?"

"You moaned when we kissed. And we could have kissed just once but you came in for seconds," Castle matter-of-factly said.

"But …" Beckett sputtered.

"No but, Kate. The way you kissed me, I could feel what you felt. That was no ordinary, stunt kiss. It meant something."

"It did?"

"Yes, it did. You may not have realized it. Or maybe you didn't want to realize it, but I felt it. I think you felt it, too."

"Felt what, Castle?"

"Felt that we should be together. That being with Josh was wrong," Castle answered.

"You felt all that from a 10 second kiss? Maybe you should write romance novels like Rook," Kate teased.

"Kate, you and I both know that Josh was just a safe choice, a nowhere relationship. You kicked me out of your apartment when I told you that."

"Yeah, I did," Kate sheepishly agreed.

"Remembering that kiss gave me hope. Hope that someday we would be more than partners, friends. Hope that someday we would be lovers."

"I'm glad it gave you some hope," Kate said with her eyes glowing at her new husband.

"Look where we are now," Castle said smiling. "We're here, in bed, in the Hamptons, after consummating our marriage, in our post-conjugal bliss."

"Yeah, we are."

"And from where I'm laying," Castle continued, "it's amazing. Extraordinary."

"It's extraordinary for me, too, Castle."

"It all started with that one kiss."

* * *

Thanks for reading.

Those of you that have taken time to review, thank you for your kind reviews.


	5. Naima

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Giant Steps". There is not a vocalist on this album. I have found multiple versions of this song with a vocalist. This is just one of them.

These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Naima" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=QTMqes6HDqU

The vocal version I used as inspiration is by Mark Murphy and it is on YouTube also.

watch?v=p-NSsYk54TY

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

_Deep as the night_

_Spirit of starlight_

_Inspiration of great beauty_

_And love at first sight_

* * *

A/N: 1X01 Flowers for Your Grave (and maybe a small spoiler for "Heat Wave")

While Harrison Tisdale is being lead off in handcuffs by some uniformed policemen, Rick Castle approaches Detective Kate Beckett clearing his throat to get her attention.

Beckett turns away from the departing suspect to her erstwhile partner.

"Well, guess this is it," she says.

"It doesn't have to be. We could go to dinner, debrief each other," Rick Castle suggestively responds.

"Yeah right," Beckett thinks. "Debrief, my ass."

"Why, Castle? So I can be just another one of your conquests?" Beckett asks.

Castle smiles and replies, "Or I could be one of yours."

"Not a chance in hell, Castle," Beckett thinks. "Never, in fact."

Beckett puts out her hand to shake Castle's and says, "It was nice to meet you, Castle."

Shaking her hand, he retorts, "It's too bad. It would've been great."

Biting her lip, Beckett leans in and whispers in his ear, "You have no idea."

Nonplussed, Castle stands as Beckett turns and walks toward the uniforms holding Tisdale. She walks with a little extra shimmy in her step because she had the last word with Castle.

As she walks away, Castle, noticing the fine derriere, smiles, turns and walks away.

"Neither do you, detective. Neither do you," Castle thinks as he has a sudden fit of inspiration and he goes home to his laptop.

* * *

"Got to get this idea down," Rick thinks. "I can see the perfect first scene, Gina will probably edit it later."

He pauses thinking, "What am I going to call her? Hmm, as an homage to Sam Spade, I'll call her Samantha. Now something that is similar to murder. Hmm. 'Slay' is similar to murder. Call her 'Samantha Slayer'. Sounds good."

Castle starts to type.

_Detective Samantha Slayer pulls up to the curb in her cruiser. Before she gets out of the car she pauses to say a little prayer for the victim and their loved ones. The detective gets out of her car and approaches the crime scene saw horse barriers keeping the crowd away from the murder scene. She flashes her badge to the uniform keeping the crowd of onlookers out. The uniform lets her through to start her investigation. Detective Slayer starts by taking a wide look at the scene, what windows overlook the locale, hiding places that the perpetrator could lurk before striking his victim, lighting, anything else that appears out of the ordinary or could give a clue to the murderer. She starts to prowl around the CSU personnel and then notices the uniform checking her out rather than doing what they are supposed to do._

_ "Hey," Slayer says._

_ "Yes detective."_

_ "I'll make you a deal, I'll watch my ass. You watch the crowd."_

"There, I got it," Castle thinks. "I can almost see her in my mind's eye. A tough but savvy female police detective."

He pauses then he smiles.

"With a nice ass. Like Detective Beckett."

For the next couple of hours, Castle is "in the zone" writing about this new character. Writing, re-writing and editing scenes he wants to get down. He was using the 'backspace' key almost as much as the rest of the keyboard combined. He completes a few scenes and now thinks about plotting the story structure, making his outline for the majority of the book.

He looks at his big monitor. He starts putting in vital information about the murder victim. Where the murder was committed. Friends, family, where they worked, anything else that could be of interest. He plots out the family and friends around the victim.

He continues filling in data on the murder. Off in a corner of the murder board, he puts his 'red herrings'. After a while, he starts to slow. His momentum wanes.

"I need to do more research," Castle thinks. "I need to get it right. I need to get more time with Detective Beckett."

He pauses, then thinks, "She'll never agree to have me as a tag along. She was glad to be rid of me. How will I be able to shadow her to get my realism?"

Then it dawns on him.

"Bob! I'll call Bob."

He looks at his watch, "2:20 am, probably not a good time to call the mayor. I'll call him in the morning for a favor. Let me do research for my new series of novels. Detective Beckett won't know what hit her."

* * *

A/N: Later in Season 1, before 1x04 Hell Hath No Fury

Rick Castle sat at his desk looking at Gina's editing of the first draft of "Heat Wave". He was disappointed.

"It looks like she bled all over it," Rick thought. "I don't know if there is a page not totally marked up by her editorial direction."

On his desk was a bottle of Irish whiskey more than half gone that he used as is his inspiration and somewhat motivator for editing his "Derrick Storm" novels. In his mind Scotch was a more contemplative spirit, Irish whiskey a more active one. He always felt that a little fortification was necessary to endure Gina's ruthless red marks on the document but he couldn't be too introspective, thus the Irish whiskey. Castle had started this method in response to Gina's previous editorial destruction on an early Derrick Storm book. He didn't drink Irish whiskey often and his mother never touched the stuff, thus the half gone bottle was the remnants from "Storm Fall".

He looked at the marks on the first page. There was hardly any line not reworded or redlined with "rewrite" on it.

"She even hated the line, "I'll watch my ass, you watch the crowd,"" Castle thought. "I thought that established the character well. A privately feeling, publicly smart-ass police detective."

He started editing the file accepting some of Gina's changes, not changing others and a few reworded sentences here and there on top of what was there.

"At least Black Pawn isn't demanding return of their advance for the next novel," Castle ruefully thought. "There is a manuscript that Gina ripped to shreds."

As he scanned the pages for Gina's comments he came to the scene that he enjoyed writing the most. In the margin Gina wrote "tone it down just a little bit. This isn't D. H. Lawrence."

"Hah!" Castle thought. "D. H. Lawrence! Double hah! I wasn't that graphic. Not like the porn sites."

He continued to write and rewrite to Gina's varied and various comments. One stood out, "Change the names of the Detective and her sidekick. Sam and Dave just doesn't work for me. Even if it is really Samantha, it's not that different from Sam Spade."

He paused and thought, "She's right. I need to come up with a new name for this detective and her sidekick."

Sitting back in his chair, he glanced around his office hoping for inspiration. The shelves of books surrounding him did not speak to him. Through the open bookcases, he could see the piano and the vase on it. He looked to the couches and the stylized Brooklyn Bridge on the sofa table. He was drawing a blank.

Rick thought, "Maybe, to subtly annoy Detective Beckett, I should give the sidekick a name related to mine. Hmm."

Over in the corner was a chess set. And then the lightbulb went off.

"Rook, I'll call him Rook. Another name for a Rook is Castle. That will do it. Now a first name."

He further scanned the room. Pondering. Pondering. He lifted his glass to take another sip of whiskey. He looked in the tumbler finding it empty. He set it down to refill from the bottle, noting the distinctive green colored Irish whiskey bottle, he thought, "Jameson, that's what I'll call him. Jameson."

He started up a search on his laptop for girl names.

"I need something strong, regal maybe. Hmm. Here's one site."

Castle selected the "Powerful names" link, the perused the list of girl names.

Castle chuckled, "Bella is on this list. I wonder if that is why it was picked for the "Twilight" series."

He continued down the list.

"Dominique … no, that is too much. I need something less kinky. If I used that, Gina would flip."

He resumed going down the list noting Alexis' middle name was on the list. He remembered other women he had met with the names on the list. Some were powerful, some were not.

"Meredith and Gina are not on this list. Of course, Meredith is a flighty person. Gina is a strong personality, though."

He finally came to the name, Nicole.

"I don't know any Nicole's. I wonder what that means."

He searched the site for the name meanings.

"Nicole means "Victory of the People". Hmm … Nicole. Nicole. Nope, doesn't work for me. Wait a minute … Nikki, short for Nicole. Yeah. That works!"

He pondered further as he tapped a finger to his lips.

"Last name … Detective Beckett is pretty hot. Hmm … what can I call my hot detective? Synonyms for hot."

He pulled down the list from his word processing program and looked at the thesaurus list.

Warm

Burning

Scorching

Boiling

Blistering

Sizzling

Searing

Broiling

Fiery

Heated

Spicy

Passionate

Fierce

"Detective Beckett is definitely passionate and fierce. So which of these goes with Nikki? Nikki Burn? Nah, sounds like a firefighter. I don't like the other past participle ones either. Wait a minute, not heated, heat. I'll call her Nikki Heat."

* * *

A/N 1x07 Home is Where the Heart Stops

Rick Castle was nervous.

Really nervous.

First, he is taking Detective Beckett out on a date. He keeps reminding himself this is an "undercover" operation. But it sure feels like a date. He's as nervous as a teenaged boy taking out the head cheerleader. His palms are sweaty. He can feel the moisture around his neck, too.

Yeah, he finagled a pair of tickets to the Metropolitan American Dance Theater fundraising gala. It only cost him a signed copy of "Storm Fall" and, to him, an insignificant donation.

And one other thing.

The second thing he is nervous about. Actually, the thing he is most nervous about.

He sent over a dress.

And a small cheeky note.

He hoped she would wear the dress and not throw it in his face. After he pulled her chain at the gun range and responded "not yet" to the "are you?" question, she may not be in a forgiving mood. But he hoped she would forgive him.

Before he had it delivered, he had them cut the tags off the dress so Beckett wouldn't be able to tell who made the dress and how much he spent on it.

Castle wanted to look his best on this "not a date" date. He went to his hairstylist to look like the page 6 playboy he acted like. The note was just another piece of the façade. The page 6 playboy façade.

But part of him knew that he didn't drop all this money on some bimbo. No, he was doing this because this detective, this woman of substance, could use his help. Because of his fame and he wasn't a cop, he could do things she couldn't do. He wanted to help. He needed to be useful. He wants to be more than that page 6 playboy.

He was standing in front of his mirror lost in thought holding the ends of his bow tie.

"My dad, nervous for a date," Alexis said.

"It's not a date, it's an undercover operation," Rick responded trying to remind himself.

"Uh, huh."

"Yeah, right," Rick thought reminding himself. "Not a date. An undercover operation. Yeah, right."

He was so nervous about this "not a date", he couldn't seem to tie his tie.

"Could you?" Rick asked Alexis.

She took his tie and made the perfect bow for him.

Shortly after Alexis finishes tying his bow tie for Rick, they both hear the doorbell.

They start toward the door and hear Martha open the door with a gasp.

Martha says, "Stunning. Simply stunning. Come in, come in. Oh! Hang on. Hang on."

She walks away as if on a mission.

As they near the door, Alexis sees Kate and says, "You look incredible."

"Really?"

"Really," Castle adds. "You clean up nice, Detective Beckett."

"More than nice," Castle thinks. "Even stunning doesn't do it."

"Thank you, Castle."

Martha comes back to the door holding a beautiful diamond and ruby necklace. As she holds it up and drapes it around Beckett's neck, Martha says, "I was nominated for a, uh, Tony once, and..."

"Oh, no, Martha, I couldn't …"

"Yes, you can. Let me... Oh! It's brilliant. So, where are you guys headed tonight?"

Castle's waves at Kate so she doesn't tell Martha.

"Uh... Uh... Uh, we're going to the, uh, Waldorf."

"Uh-huh."

* * *

Sitting in the back of the town car, Castle glanced over at the lovely creature beside him. He was getting nervous again. He again felt like he was going to the prom with the head cheerleader or the homecoming queen. This nerdy guy who wrote books for a living was going out with a substantial woman.

Part of him was proud, though. He would have the most beautiful, intelligent woman on his arm. No one else could compare to this great beauty beside him.

He was almost giddy with excitement because of this "not a date" date.

"Castle!" Beckett said exasperatedly.

"Huh? What?"

"That is the fourth or fifth time you have been looking at me and then looking away. What is with you?"

"Well … I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For putting up with me. My crazy theories. My schemes. Like this one."

"If this catches the killer, putting up with you for one night isn't too much to ask," Beckett teased.

"One night?"

"Castle, I think one night is all you can handle."

* * *

_Queen of the ages_

_She transcends history's pages_

_From beginning to the end_

_What a woman she has been_

* * *

A/N: 2x24 A Deadly Game

Kate Beckett stood there dumbfounded.

Rick Castle just waltzed out of the precinct with his ex-wife and publisher, Gina. They were going to spend the summer in the Hamptons while he worked on his next "Nikki Heat" novel.

Beckett went to her desk and sat down with a thud. Logging into her computer, she tried to distract herself from the intense sadness she was feeling. She steeled herself to outwardly show that she was unaffected by Castle's leaving.

"Beckett," said Captain Montgomery. "Why don't you go home? Paperwork is done. The ADA won't be working on the case until next week at the earliest. Take a few days off. You probably could use it."

"Captain."

"Go on. Get outta here," Montgomery responded.

Beckett looked at him with a mixture of a glare and sadness.

"Kate, that's an order. Or do I need to drag you outta here?" Montgomery teased.

"Yes sir." Beckett said standing up, grabbing her purse and jacket.

As she walked to the elevator, Lanie came up beside her friend.

"How about a drink, Kate?"

"Okay."

* * *

After picking up their drinks from the bar, Kate and Lanie found an empty table. They sat in silence for a while, the noise from the conversations throughout the bar washing over them with a cacophony of random words. Kate stared at her drink watching the condensation become droplets drizzling down to the napkin on the table. Lanie sat in silence watching her friend. Kate lifted her head to look at Lanie. Kate sighed and then started to tell Lanie her sad story.

"Lanie, my heart fell to my feet when I heard Gina's voice."

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry."

"Castle asked me to go with him to the Hamptons a few days ago."

Lanie's expression changed to anger.

Kate held up her hand to say stop, "Before you get all mad at him, I turned him down. Then later on he overheard Tom asking me to go away for the weekend."

"Oh."

Kate continued, "I told him that I didn't want it to be awkward between us since I was with Demming. Then he told me that this would be his last case. He was going off to write for the summer. Looking back at it, the way he said "last case" it makes me think that it was more than leaving for the summer. He's leaving permanently."

"Oh sweetie," said Lanie as she rubbed Kate's arm to comfort her.

"Then I broke up with Tom."

"You did? Why?"

"Because it didn't feel right. The relationship felt forced. Uneasy. We didn't click like Castle and I do."

"Mmhmm."

"When we're solving murders," Kate quickly added.

"Mmhmm."

Kate looked back down at her hands surrounding her drink. She picked it up and drank a bit more.

"Lanie, I should go home. I'm tired and hungry. I'll probably just order some takeout and get comfy at home."

"Kate," Lanie said reaching out for her friend again.

"Thanks for the company, Lanie. I needed this."

Kate stood up grabbing her coat.

"Bye, Lanie."

"Bye, Kate. Let me know if you need anything," Lanie said knowing that hard-as-nails Beckett wasn't going to ask for anything.

"Ok. I will," Kate said knowing she wouldn't ask.

* * *

Holding in her emotions, Kate hailed a cab to take her back to her apartment. She only spoke her address and then sat in silence in the back of the cab. The lights of the city passed, illuminating the cab in dreary colors and stark blacks and whites. Her hands were in her lap in supplication. She looked at the lines on her palm.

"Castle would have some theory about these lines," Kate thought. "Long life? Happy marriage? Unlikely."

She now understood the despair Rick Blaine had with that three quarters empty bourbon bottle on that lonely table in "Rick's Café Americain". She could almost see the scene in her mind, the searchlights, the darkened café, the bistro table, and Sam trying to get Rick to leave.

She can hear him say, "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

Paying the cabbie, Beckett walks the short distance to her building. She checks her mail and then goes to her apartment. Closing the door, she throws her coat on the couch and then plops down. Her head in her hands, she starts to sob.

Her sobbing stops for a moment when her stomach growls. She has a watery chuckle and then gets up to call the local Chinese takeout for a delivery. She realizes that she sounds like Sandra Bullock in that movie with Hugh Grant. Continually calling for Chinese for one.

As she walks around her living room, she stares at the large painting on her wall. The wind buffeting a woman like she is being buffeted by her emotions. She puts her hand to her mouth to hold back another sob. She is engulfed by her regret.

Pacing the room she turns and sees it. Her copy of "Heat Wave." She opens the book to see Castle's personal dedication to her. She turns the page and there is the dedication for the world to see:

"To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the 12th."

* * *

A/N: Sometime early in season 3

Kate exited the elevator in her apartment building to see a box by her front door.

"Suspicious," she thought. "I haven't ordered anything online for a while."

After her last apartment was blown up and Castle came to her rescue, she has been wary of anything out of the ordinary. Her recent annual retraining on personal security had emphasized the need for watching for strange packages.

As a precaution, she drew her gun and scanned the hallway for anything else. Finding nothing obvious, she slowly approached the package leaning beside her door. Still scanning the hallway, she glanced at the package. In big letters it said, "To Kate From Rick."

As she picked up her phone to send a text to Castle her phone dinged with a text from him. "I just sent over a copy of Naked Heat. Don't call the bomb squad. "

Putting her gun away, she shook her head, smiling and picked up the package.

Setting the package on her kitchen table, she takes care of her coat, holster, gun and badge. She returns to the table and opens the package.

"Naked Heat" in big bold letters is at the top of the book jacket with "Richard Castle" at the bottom. Opening the book, she sees the personal dedication Rick put in the book.

"Thanks for letting me win the bet. Rick."

Beckett turns the next page seeing the published dedication.

"To the real Nikki Heat, with gratitude."

* * *

_Exotic rich and rare_

_None other to compare_

_Niama, Niama, Niama_

* * *

A/N 4x09 Killshot

Kate picked herself off of the floor. Around her was almost total darkness lit only by the thin crescent moon in one of the windows, but she could make out the large room she was in and a hallway off to one side. She looked up and saw the faint outline of a magnificent chandelier. She thought she recognized the chandelier. It looked vaguely similar to the one from "Phantom of the Opera" she saw on Broadway previously.

She shook her head thinking that was odd. Nothing around her made any sense. She didn't remember how she got to this place. But she felt she had to figure where she was before she could determine where she should go.

She could make out paintings on the walls of the large room. It seemed like this room was a ballroom of some type and she was in the middle of it. The paintings were spaced between columns that supported the edge of the ballroom. In the center of the ballroom was a cathedral ceiling with a number of dormer windows around the top.

Further examination of the room and paintings did little to help her determine where she was.

She walked toward the hallway and found it as dimly lit as the ballroom. She could hear indistinct voices coming from the other end of the hallway. Finally she reached a door and opened it. The indistinct voices immediately stopped.

She found herself in a mirrored room. Her reflections bounced around the room reflecting her at various angles and distances. Except for her reflections, the room was black. She scanned around to see if there was any indication where she was. Then she saw an image of Castle in the reflected distance.

"That's what makes you extraordinary, you never give up."

Then there was another Castle with "Heat Wave" in his hand.

"I meant it. You are extraordinary."

And another Castle.

"Extraordinary."

Another.

"Extraordinary."

She started to shrink down to her knees. Standing beside Castle was her mother.

"Extraordinary." Castle and Johanna said in unison.

She made herself into a small ball on the floor of the mirrored room.

"Extraordinary." Castle and Johanna repeated.

Beckett could feel them approach, her mother being the closest. Johanna reached out to touch her daughter. Beckett looked up at her mother's hand. It went from a loving, gentle, feminine one to a boney, skeletal ominous hand as if the grim reaper was reaching out to her.

Skittering away, Kate sobbed, "I'm not extraordinary!"

"Extraordinary." Castle and Johanna repeated.

The ominous disembodied hand floated closer to Kate.

"No!" She yelled. "No!"

She awoke with a start. Her heart rapidly beating. The sheets sticking to her from her sweat.

Beckett kicked the bedcovers off and picked up her phone.

"3:16," she thought. "Just enough time to try to go back to sleep. As if I could after that nightmare."

* * *

"So, how do you feel now that Lee Travis is dead?" asked Dr. Burke.

"I thought that taking him down would resolve things, but it's still there."

"Because you haven't fully dealt with what happened to you."

Kate responded, "No, I felt it before the shooting. I think it's always been there, deep inside since that night."

"The night your mom was killed."

"Mm-hmm. I've let it define me, drive me. It's made me who I am, but now…"

"But now?" Burke asked.

"I want to be more…than who I am. But I don't know if I know how to do that without letting my mom down."

Burke kindly responded. "She's dead, Kate. You can't let her down. The only person you can let down is yourself. Her death is a part of you, and you're gonna have to make peace with that. Just like you're gonna have to make peace with the scars from your shooting. But it doesn't have to limit you."

"How am I supposed to let go?"

"I can help you. But the question is, are you ready?"

"Yeah, I think I am."

* * *

A/N: 5x08 After Hours

Even though she is a police detective and carried a gun, Kate's father insisted that he escort her back to her apartment. After the night they had had, he asserted it was a "father's prerogative" to make sure that his daughter was safely back at her apartment especially in the wee morning hours when they left the precinct.

Similarly, ever the gentleman, Rick insisted and Jim concurred that he should escort his mother back to the loft. So that is how Kate found herself alone at her apartment. It was too late (or more aptly too early) to just run over to the loft after her father had made a big show of taking her home. And since their relationship was still new, Kate wasn't totally comfortable with having Martha upstairs at the loft while she slept in Rick's bed.

She was truly glad that case was over quickly and Captain Gates had given them the day off to rest up since they had worked around the clock. But even with that, she wanted to be with Castle.

Kate wasn't normally a clingy, fawning girlfriend. In fact, she despised that when she saw other women doing it. But now, after the night they had, finding out that they were with the assassin the whole time and they could have been his next target, she wanted to hold Rick tightly.

But there she was, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her longing to hold Castle and be held was strong.

She looked at her phone for the time.

"5:33," she thought. "Normally, I would be close to getting up but now I'm going to bed. An empty bed."

Kate picked up her gun and badge and put it away in her nightstand. She went back to her bathroom to remove the remnants of last night's makeup. Removing her clothes was next, putting them all in the hamper. She pulled on a t-shirt she had "borrowed" from Rick a week or so ago. After doing her last ablutions, Kate crawled into bed.

Kate sighed loudly.

"Oh, bed feels so good right now," Kate thought.

She rolled over to turn off the light on the nightstand when her phone rang.

On it was "Castle".

"Hey," Beckett answered.

"I hope I haven't woken you," Rick responded. "I wanted to talk with you before you went to sleep."

"You're more than welcome to come over to snuggle and keep me warm, Castle," Kate teased.

"I'd love to, Beckett, but after last night's events, mother is being a mother now and, after a short beauty rest as she calls it, she wants to make me breakfast. Of course that means she is ordering something delivered. And for some reason, mother called Alexis and so she is coming over at about 7:30. So as much as I would love to escape being mothered by two upset redheads and be with you …"

"I understand, they need you right now. Maybe we can 'need' each other later?"

"Oh yeah. I 'need' you, Kate. But right now, I guess I'll have to wait."

"Not that I don't want to talk with you, but right now, I'm tired Castle."

"Right," Rick answered. "I first wanted to make sure you got home okay."

"Rick, my dad was with me and I have a gun," Kate teased.

"Forgive me. I didn't see my girlfriend safely home and my 'gentleman' card needs to be punched with at least checking on you."

"Okay. I'm fine. I'm in bed. Consider your card punched."

"Thanks. I feel better know. My 'gentlemen' card is taken care of."

"Was there something else?"

"Okay, understand what I'm going to say hasn't been well thought out, so what I say is meant in the most honest and bestest way."

"Bestest?"

"I'm a writer, I make up words."

"Okay, continue."

"Well, when you talked about us being in 'different worlds' and how you think you're this 'simple cop' and I am some 'famous' writer, it made me think."

"Uh huh."

"Kate, you do so much more for the world than this simple scribe does. You bring closure to people who have lost loved ones. You bring justice to those who were murdered and their murderers. And you do this while putting up with me. You are amazing, Kate. I am in awe of you."  
"Castle, I don't know what to say."

"Kate, just so you know what you've done for me, I need to tell you a story."

"A story?"

"A story. Once upon a time …"

"Really, Castle? 'Once upon a time'? Isn't that a little beneath you?"

"No it isn't and you're interrupting."

"Sorry."

"Once upon a time there was a ruggedly handsome writer, a simple scribe really."

"You're not a simple scribe, Castle."

"Thank you but you're interrupting."

"Sorry."

"Once upon a time there was a ruggedly handsome writer, who had just killed off his main character in his successful series of books. His money ticket. And he did it because he was bored. He was bored with the character. He was bored with the parties. He was bored with being a playboy. He was bored. He wouldn't have been bored if he had someone to love, to be his companion, his soul mate. But he didn't have anyone to love because he had been hurt in love several times. So he played the playboy to keep a distance, to have a wall keeping his heart safe. And to top it off, he had writer's block. He didn't have anything to say. He couldn't come up with a new character to base a new set of novels on. Even though he loved to write, he was meant to write, he was starting to think the words would never come back, that he wasn't ever going to write again."

"Did he? Did he write again?"

Rick continued, "I'll get to that. He lived with his daughter and his mother. His mother came to live with him because she had been hurt in love, too. He loves his mother and daughter and they try to be supportive. But with all that love from his family, there he is, bored. He's at the book launch party for his last novel, he thinks for a while, maybe forever. He had been moping around his loft for 6 weeks waiting for inspiration to strike. But it didn't. No inspiration. No words came."

"And?"

"And he was at his book launch party talking with his fiercely smart daughter, who was studying by-the-way, and in comes this breath of fresh air, this light, this inspiration. This amazing, extraordinary female police detective walks in, or maybe more aptly, crashes his book launch party to arrest him on suspicion of murder. Murders that copy scenes from his books."

"I wonder who that is," Kate teased.

"After arresting him and interrogating him, she bewitches him. He didn't know she was a witch but she was a witch none the less. She was a good witch, like Glenda the Good Witch of the North from 'The Wizard of Oz' or Hermione, Harry's pal. But she bewitches him, she gives him a gift."

"A gift. What gift? Rick, I don't remember a gift."

"You're interrupting again."

"Sorry."

"She gave him a gift just the same, Beckett. This witch, this enchantress gave him his words back. She gave him his life's work. She gave him closure in a way because now he could write again. This enchantress gave him a gift more precious than diamonds, more valuable than gold, Kate."

"Castle."

"No, it's true, Kate. I know it sounds really corny. A poor imitation of a fairy tale but … but that night, after we finished the Tisdale case, you enchanted me, you gave me a gift."

"Castle, I …"

"I went on a writing jag. I was a demon. The words came out so fast that my typing almost couldn't keep up. And the words kept coming and coming. Mother said she couldn't remember the last time I was writing so fast and furious and for so long at one sitting. I think I was in there for about 7 hours before I came up to breathe. It was like a light switch turned on and all this just poured out of me."

Castle paused.

"It's because of you, Kate," Rick added. "So when you think I tower over you in stature, you have this 'I'm this famous writer and you're just a cop' thing, you've got it wrong. I feel like I'm in the presence of greatness when I'm with you. Do … do you remember what I said to you in L.A.?"

"Sorta."

"I said something to the effect that I am still amazed by the depths of your strength and heart. And hotness."

Castle paused then said, "And if I could capture just a little bit of that in Nikki, the books would never leave the best seller list. So you are not "just a cop", Kate. You are so much more."

"Castle …"

"And Kate, the only reason I have these best sellers lately is because of you. I am just this vessel that you pour these words into. You make it happen. You, Kate. You."

"Castle," Kate softly said.

"You coming into my life was like a blindfold had been removed, a fog had lifted from my life. You made my life into vivid colors from black and white, just like 'The Wizard of Oz'."

Castle paused and then continued, "And Kate that is part of why I love you. You gave me my life back and so much more. You have enhanced my life so much I cannot express it in words, but you have."

"Castle, I don't know what to say."

"That's okay that you don't know what to say. But here is what you don't say ever again. You don't say, 'I'm this famous writer and you're just a cop.' Deal?"

"Okay, Castle. You have a deal."

"Thanks, Kate. I just wanted to tell you that while it was fresh on my mind. And I'm sorry I kept you up to tell you this."

"It's okay, Castle. I sorta wanted to hear your voice anyway before I went to sleep. So thanks for calling. I'll see you later today?"

"Of course. Dinner? My treat."

"It's a date," Kate says, yawning.

"Good. Well you sound tired so I'll let you go. Good night, Kate."

"Nite, Castle."

* * *

A/N: Sorry it has taken so long to update. In some sense, this song was harder than some of the others. Partially because the lyrics are few and the appropriate scenes are so many so it was hard to edit it down. As you can see, I really didn't edit it down. I also felt this song expressed a contrast with how Castle saw Beckett and how she saw herself. I hope I captured that.

Anyway, thanks for reading.


	6. I Hear a Rhapsody

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Lush Life". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I Hear a Rhapsody" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=vhT3ljuYZc4

This song is by George Fragos, Dick Gasparre and Jack Baker. A version of it being sung by Frank Sinatra is also on YouTube.

watch?v=YU4a0Axzb-Q

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

_When you're near the murmuring of the breeze_

_Becomes a symphony, a rhapsody_

* * *

A/N: 2X06 Vampire Weekend

Beckett has been working the case for clues to the murder of Matthew "Crow" Freeman. After talking with Ryan and Esposito, she goes in search of her shadow, Castle. She finds him in the conference room reading some comic book or something. She thinks he is being lazy with his feet up on the conference room table. Sitting on the table in the conference room, she shoves Castle's feet off.

"Hot on the case, Castle?"

Looking up at his partner, he says, "On the case of a good read. It's actually not bad."

Holding up Crow's graphic novel, showing her the outside cover.

Beckett shows Castle a mugshot picture. "Esposito found Morgan Lockerby."

Grabbing the picture, Castle responds by turning to a page in Crow's novel. "You mean 'Morlock,'" he says.

Castle flips to the page in the graphic novel and shows Beckett the comparison between the two pictures. Beckett leans in to compare the photo and the drawing, noting the uncanny match between Morgan Lockerby and Matthew's drawing of 'Morlock.'"

Moving closer to the pictures, Castle notices a pleasant scent wafting around him now, not the typical precinct odor of burned coffee and sweaty suspects.

Castle turns his head just as Beckett says, "Vixen was right."

Castle breathes in, confirming the source of the enthralling aroma, then he says, "You smell like cherries."

Beckett turns her head to look at him and finds that they're very close, so close that if they were any closer, they would be kissing. As it dawns on Beckett how close she is to Castle, Ryan and Esposito enter.

Not noticing the two, Ryan walks into the conference room and says, "Hey, we got a hit on the..."

Ryan stops mid-sentence finally noting the pair.

Esposito also seeing the extreme closeness of Beckett and Castle asks, "Are we interrupting something?"

Beckett stands up quickly.

Simultaneously Castle says, "Yes." And Beckett says, "No."

Not believing either one, Ryan answers, "O-kay."

Flustered, Beckett tries to get the questions on the case and off of Castle and her.

"Wh- what'd you get a hit on?"

Ryan answers as he hands the file to Beckett, "The, uh, prints from the stake in Crow's heart. Your girl Vixen was right."

Beckett opens the file and shakes her head then says, "Morgan Lockerby."

* * *

_And when I hear you call so softly to me_

_I don't hear a call at all, I hear a rhapsody_

* * *

A/N Sometime after 2x05 When the Bough Breaks

Rick Castle was at the driving range getting warmed up before his round of golf with the mayor and Judge Markaway. He felt good about his ball striking and he looked forward to a good round.

"Ricky, Ricky! It's great to see you," said the mayor as he approached Castle on the practice range.

Shaking hands, Castle said, "Thanks, Bob!"

"Is Markaway here yet?"

"Here he comes," Rick said pointing to the approaching judge.

"Hey guys, are you ready to lose?" Judge Markaway said smiling at the pair.

"Barely even got here and already trash talking," Bob said to Castle as he shook the judge's hand.

"We'll see who is losing when we get to 18," Castle teased the judge as they shook hands.

The mayor and judge took positions on the driving range next to Castle and started to warm up.

After completing a few swings, Judge Markaway asked, "How are Martha and Alexis?"

"Martha's still searching for a part and an audience but she is happy and well. Alexis is working hard in school. Honestly, I don't know where she gets it from. But she is doing well. She's a sophomore in high school now."

"They grow up fast, don't they," the mayor said. "It seems only yesterday I saw her coming out of elementary school."

"Yeah, they do," Castle responded. "How's your family, Judge?"

"Doing well, the kids are in school draining my bank account. College is so expensive these days!" He answered. "I'm just looking forward to when the kids get 'off the payroll' and the wife and I can start travelling."

"Me, too," Rick agreed.

"Hey Ricky, that was an interesting call I got from your agent the other day."

"Yeah?"

Looking over at the judge, the mayor continues, "Get this Judge, I get a call from Ricky's agent. Not Ricky, the agent. First, she tells me that his new novel is hitting the best seller list after one day. And she proceeds to tell me that Ricky's publisher, what is the name?"

"Black Pawn," Castle answers.

"Yeah, Black Pawn wants Rick to make three more Nikki Heat books."

"Nikki Heat?" Judge Markaway asks. "What happened to Derrick Storm?"

"Short story, I killed him off," Rick answered.

The mayor continues, "Yeah, Nikki Heat. Anyway, she's the new main character in, well it looks like, a series of novels about a NYPD homicide detective."

"Oh," the judge responds. "Is she based on that detective I saw you with at the courthouse a year ago?"

"Yeah."

"I bet she loves the name," the judge teased.

"Yeah, right," Castle sarcastically responds.

"What was that detective's name?" The judge continued.

"Kate Beckett."

"Oh yes, I remember her now. You sure can pick em, can't you Rick?"

"Hey, she calls me regularly," Castle rebutted.

"Because she has to."

"Well, yeah," Castle sheepishly answered.

"Yeah," said the mayor. "I met her at a charity fund raiser last spring. She came with Castle here. Get this, Rick stumbles on to the most beautiful female detective in the NYPD and then decides he just has to be her shadow for a new series of novels."

"Ricky," the judge added. "If she knows anything about you, she would be rid of you in 10 seconds if it wasn't for the mayor, right?"

"I'd like to think I've helped the 12th solve some murders that they may not have done so quickly."

"Keep thinking that, Ricky," the mayor teased. "But in all seriousness, I'm sure the commissioner would tell me if you were causing trouble."

"Trouble? Castle causing trouble? Perish the thought," the judge teased.

"Hey, I've been a good boy lately. No late night drunken escapades in a long while. Heck, I'm getting too old for that."

"Yeah, but Rick, you and beautiful women tend to be a sometimes explosive mix," the mayor added.

"Rick, I thought you said having two ex-wives was trouble enough. Is she going to be number three?" Markaway teased.

"No, no, no," Rick denied.

"But she is easy on the eyes, isn't she?"

"That she is," Rick answered. "That she is."

* * *

_And when your sparkling eyes are smiling at me_

_Then soft through the starlit skies, I hear a rhapsody_

* * *

A/N Sometime mid-Season 2

The ding of the elevator and the opening of the doors indicate to Castle that he has arrived on the homicide floor. He steps off carrying two cups of coffee and a bag holding a pastry.

He scans the floor for his target. He finally sees her from the rear, her straightened hair covering her lovely neck. Over the past year or so, her outfits and her hair are less severe. They've become more feminine, a contrast to the testosterone filled atmosphere of the floor.

She's seated, her head bent over the files spread on her desk. He isn't sure now but he may feel his heart beat just a little faster. But he can tell, he cares for this extraordinary woman.

Ryan and Esposito are looking away from him because they are busy at Ryan's desk looking at some case related information.

He silently walks over to her desk.

He places one cup of coffee and the pastry bag on her desk away from the paperwork she is pouring over.

She looks over at him as he sits in his chair.

She smiles at him with the whole of her being. He can tell, even her eyes are smiling. He almost feels like his day is complete. He has brightened her day.

"Thanks, Castle."

"You're welcome. There's a bear claw in the bag for you, too. I figured you may need some fortification for the day filled with paperwork."

Beckett opens the bag finding the bear claw with a piece of waxed paper around it. She pulls it out seeing the glistening sugar on the flaky pastry.

"Hmm," she moans as she takes her first bite. "Oh my god, Castle, where did you get this heavenly bear claw?"

"Just a place I found in the village. You like?"

She smiles at him again. Her eyes gleaming in appreciation for his thoughtful gift.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a slow realization is percolating. He takes care of her, he brings things for her, he helps her solve her cases in unconventional ways that the police and her training cannot.

He has stayed. Much longer than she had originally hoped. But now, after the things they have been through together, she is not as anxious to see him leave. He has become a part of the precinct, part of the team.

Yeah, sometimes he can still be that 'nine year-old on a sugar rush', but there are times of seriousness that he has. He sees her reverence for the victims and their families and he follows her lead.

The bottom line is … he cares.

And maybe, his caring is not only for the victims. Maybe, just maybe, his caring is for her, too.

Finishing the bear claw and licking her fingers for the sweet remnants, she then throws the detritus into the trash can beside her desk.

He had been watching her for a few bites and then sat back, turning away from her, scanning the whiteboard on the case they were finishing up. While he wrote some case notes for possible input into the next 'Nikki Heat' novel, he listened to Beckett's devouring of his edible gift. He took pride in hearing Beckett's sensuous moans as she consumed the pleasing baked good. He avoided looking back at her after she had told him "staring is creepy" a while back.

Glancing over at her partner, Beckett said, "Castle, that was wonderful. Thank you."

"My pleasure, detective."

"I didn't realize how hungry I was."

"You did practically inhale that," Castle teased.

"Yes, I did," Beckett responded smiling.

They looked into each other's smiling eyes a little longer than was necessary for erstwhile co-workers, no sound being made. The precinct almost disappeared from their vision.

"Beckett, do you have Lanie's autopsy report?" said Ryan, breaking the spell between Beckett and Castle.

Momentarily dazed, Beckett turned to her desk, searching for the report.

Seeing it before she does, Castle reaches for it and says, "Here it is."

Handing it to Beckett, their hands briefly touch. A small, barely perceptible jolt courses through both their bodies at the momentary contact.

"Thank you, Castle. Here, Ryan."

"Thanks."

The team continued their tasks in silence. Beckett scrutinizing the evidence and case paperwork. Ryan and Esposito ensconced in their corner, making notes on each of the crime scene photos. Castle, continued making notes, broad brushstrokes of the case and the smells and sounds of the precinct.

Castle paused smiling, thinking about how Beckett had continued to smile at him from his small gift. He also thought about his nice shiver when their hands touched. He recalled the last time he felt that. It was long ago with Kyra, he wistfully remembered. In his notes, Castle added, "Add to bucket list – Be with Kate."

* * *

_My days are so blue when you're away_

_My heart longs for you, so won't you stay?_

_My darling hold me tight and whisper to me_

_Then soft through a starry night I'll hear a rhapsody_

* * *

A/N: Late Season 7, After 7x15 Reckoning

Rick Castle entered the hall outside the loft and could hear the muffled sounds of music. He had spent all day in meetings at Black Pawn with Gina and Paula planning the next book tour. Kate couldn't get any time off to go with him since she had used all her vacation in his search the previous summer and she was saving up vacation for their delayed South Seas honeymoon.

He almost dreaded coming home. As much as he liked meeting with the fans, this book tour would be his first since they got married. He didn't like the idea of leaving his new bride in the loft all alone. Yes, she is a kick-ass police detective but still his upbringing didn't like leaving her alone for a long period of time.

Castle is "old school" and a gentlemen. While it wasn't terribly modern and Beckett would probably roll her eyes at him (at a minimum), Rick believed that he was the "protector" or "guarantor" of the women in his life. They were his responsibility. He felt he had to come to them, to drop everything when they called, irrespective of whatever he was doing or where he was.

His protective nature, his feeling of being the guarantor is why he invited his mother to live with them.

It is why he always checked under Alexis's bed for monsters.

It is why he went to Paris.

It is why he kept his secret from Kate after she was shot.

It is why he dropped $100,000 without batting an eye to smoke out Kate's mother's killer.

It is why he tried to jump in front of the bullet for her.

It is why he followed Beckett to save Ryan and Espo and then beat the crap out of Hal Lockwood.

It is why he thrashed Jerry Tyson to find Kate.

It is why he told her at the swings "whatever you decide …" when he proposed.

He was glad she decided to become his wife at those swings.

But here he is, at the door to the loft, dreading telling Kate that he was going to be gone for four weeks on a book tour crisscrossing the country and Europe.

He stood at the door listening to the music. He recognized the vinyl album he got for Kate recently. Ever since she told him how she felt when she heard Coltrane, he went out of his way to find Coltrane on vinyl. He felt that was the only way to listen to the music. Reverently. The music should be heard the way the artists intended with the tools they had back when it was made.

He listened at the door for a moment more, anticipating what he may find behind the door. Finally, gathering up his courage to disappoint his new wife, he opened the door with a smile.

In the living room, with her back turned was Kate, dancing by herself to the grovin' beat of Coltrane and his sidemen. The sweet sound of the tenor sax carried throughout the loft. A two glasses of wine were on the table beside her.

Castle was happy to see Kate being so free and happy. The time while she was Kelly Nieman's and Jerry Tyson's captive had taken a lot out of both of them. Only now, a couple of weeks later, have the after effects been muted enough to feel like their darkness will finally pass.

Castle watched his Beckett's lithe body sway to the music, she had her head up as if gazing at the ceiling. The way she moved, Rick could tell that her eyes were closed focusing solely on her body moving to the smooth jazz music. Her gorgeous chestnut hair on her back moved back and forth, providing a counter beat to her movements.

She reached down, opening her eyes to look for her glass of wine. Bringing it to her lips, she took a sensual sip of the rosy liquid. All the while, Kate's back to him, she didn't take apparent notice of Castle watching her.

As he watched the mesmerizing sight of his new bride swaying to the music, he could almost picture a different scene. Kate still dancing to the music, but now she was holding a baby. Gently caressing the baby's hair and swaying to the music. Kate cooing into the baby's ear, the baby relaxing on its mother's chest.

And then, the picture changed to a young boy, still holding on to his mother enjoying the closeness, swaying to the music.

Then a young man in a tuxedo, dancing with his mother. Dimly in the background Rick could make out a young woman in a white dress.

Finally, he saw Kate, her hair graying holding another baby, swaying to the music with her son and daughter-in-law watching.

Beckett finally turned and saw her husband.

"Hey babe."

Castle smiled at Beckett.

Kate approached Rick, wrapped her arms around her husband and kissed him.

"Ya know, Castle, staring is still creepy."

Kissing Kate back, he then responded, "When you said, 'I do', that gave me a free pass to stare at you as much as I want."

Beckett giggled, "I guess I did give that free pass, didn't I? But that means I can, too."

"How can you resist staring at this ruggedly handsome face?"

Beckett huffs, rolls her eyes and walks back to where the two wine glasses are. She hands one to Castle and says, "Here's to the end of a long day."

"Amen. And thanks," Castle said as he raised his glass in a silent toast.

After taking a sip, Kate asked, "So how was your meeting with Gina? She still cajoling you into a tour?"

"Well, yes and no," Castle answered as he sat down on the couch.

"Well?" Kate asked sitting down beside him.

"She's sorta quit bothering me about a tour… She reminded me that Black Pawn requires a certain number of appearances as part of their contract. So …"

"So?" Kate asked.

"So, since I haven't been on a summer tour in two years, and I reminded her I was missing last summer, she said I had to go on a four week tour this summer."

Kate sat up straight, "FOUR WEEKS!?"

Castle shrugged, "Yeah, especially since the relaunch of Derrick Storm didn't get any tour publicity last year, Black Pawn will be combining them. 'Derrick and Nikki together on tour for the first time' is what Gina wants."

Hanging her head, Kate continued, "Four weeks?"

"Yeah, some here in the U.S. and Canada and some in Europe."

"Where?"

"Toronto, Vancouver, L.A., Boston. Miami, I think."

"And in Europe?"

"Mostly in Great Britain. But they're making me do Paris. They aren't keeping me there long, only a day or two."

"I'm sorry, Castle."

"Yeah, Paris is beautiful. At one time I hoped to take you there. It will still be a while before I feel comfortable enough to go back there for any length of time."

"I understand. Does Alexis know you're going?"

"No, not yet. I'll tell her later."

"When do you leave?"

"In six weeks. The planning and logistics have to be worked out, but it should be starting at the end of May. It will be done before we go on our overdue honeymoon."

"That's good. I don't want to go on a honeymoon alone," Kate gently teased.

"Yeah, me neither."

Castle pulled Kate into his lap and hugged her tightly.

"God, I'm going to miss you, Kate."

Kissing him, Kate responded, "I'm going to miss you, too."

* * *

A/N: I want to thank those reviewers who have kindly commented on my story. Thanks especially to GeekMom and TORONTOSUN for their kind words.


	7. Like Someone In Love

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Lush Life". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Like Someone in Love" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=e5AKTTZT7hg

This song is by Jimmy Van Heusen and Johnny Burke. A version of it being sung by Sophie Milman is also on YouTube.

watch?v=Wck2vqw0Uc8

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

_Lately _

_I find myself out gazin' at stars,_

_Hearing guitars,_

_Like someone in love _

* * *

A/N: 1x02 Nanny Mc Dead

Kate Beckett was nursing her beer at a table in the bar that she often frequented. She was waiting for her best friend, the medical examiner, Dr. Lanie Parrish to join her for drinks after a successful conclusion to a murder case.

Beckett looked around the bar noticing the people in pairs and larger groups.

"That couple over there, she is so expressive with her hands," Kate thought. "The way she contorts her fingers to explain something to that guy. With his back to me I cannot tell if he is truly interested or feigning interest in order to be polite, or get laid."

Over at another table were a group of guys in suits, ties loosened, beers in hand, reveling in their camaraderie.

"There is one over there," Kate thought. "Drinking a dark beer. Perhaps a Guinness. Probably a free spirit underneath his suit of 'armor'. Probably has a tattoo of a skull and crossbones. Either that or he has always been an outsider, on the periphery to the in-crowd. He likes to watch the in-crowd though. He may laugh at them in his private moments."

Kate smiled thinking about how the dark beer drinker may be amused. Wild parties, or maybe excruciatingly boring parties with co-workers and the boss. Office politics. Who's doing whom, who wants to do whom and never will. Like a certain author who will never 'do' her.

Continuing to scan the inhabitants of the bar, she doesn't quite notice that her friend has arrived.

"Kate," said Lanie. "Are you here?"

"Oh … oh, hi Lanie. I was lost in thought."

"Thinking about someone? A certain author that you have acquired?"

"What? No. NO!"

"Mmhmm."

"I was not thinking about Richard Castle, Lanie. I was observing the crowd figuring out their story."

"Mmhmm. You coulda fooled me. You were just sitting there with a blank look and a 'Mona Lisa' smile on your face. I figured you were thinking about your favorite author."

"Lanie!"

"Well, you tell me."

"Castle called his 'friend'," Beckett said using air quotes, "the mayor, to shadow me. He wants to write a series of books based on a 'tough but savvy' female police detective. Since he's killed off his current character, Derrick Storm."

"So your favorite author is writing a new book series based on you," Lanie stated.

"Yes? No, wait, favorite author?"

"Don't deny it, Kate Beckett. I've been to your place. You must have 20 different books by Richard Castle in the bookcases there."

"Yeah, well …"

"Don't you 'yeah, well' me, Kate. I know you," Lanie interrupted, pointing her finger at Kate. "So your favorite author, who this hot, cute guy by the way, is writing not just a book, but a series of books based on you, and you're not giddy with excitement? Please."

"Lanie! He is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush. He is incapable of taking anything seriously. I told him that his role was 'accompany and observe not participate and annoy' and he does just that, participates and annoys."

"Mmhmm."

"Lanie, he almost got someone killed. I was trying to talk to the suspect in our last murder, the nanny, into giving herself up. She was holed up in the laundry room holding a knife, cutting herself on her leg threatening to kill herself and Castle just waltzes in behind me."

"Did he do anything else while he was in there?"

"No. He just listened to me talk to the suspect."

"So he did nothing else to disrupt the situation?"

"No. Just listened. He commented afterward about how I talked the nanny out of killing herself."

"So, this guy, who doesn't take anything seriously, came in to a tense encounter and treated it seriously?"

"Well when you put it that way…"

"And why did he come in? Did anyone else come in?"

"No."

"So, he could've just as easily stayed outside the room and just listened through the door."

"Castle was just coming in to get the story."

"Kate, he followed you into a life-threatening situation. Do you think he maybe thought he was your partner? Or protecting you?"

"Partner? Protecting me? Are you kidding? I'm the one who carries the gun. And he isn't a cop. He can't be a partner. Castle's just some author trying to get the story. Anyway, soon he'll have enough for his pulp fiction and be gone."

* * *

_Sometimes _

_The things I do astound me,_

_Mostly _

_Whenever you're around me _

* * *

A/N A month or so after 2:01 Deep in Death

It was the time of the month for Rick Castle's regular author buddies poker game. Around the table are Cannell, Connelly and Castle, the three 'C's.

"Where's Patterson?" Connelly asks.

Cannell chimes in, "Oh probably off taking a couple of hours to spit out his latest. He's probably got a goal of 20 novels in a year with 10 on the best-seller list at the same time."

"Yeah, he's probably replenishing his millions so he can buy another small country," Castle adds.

The three chuckle at the expense of their friend.

"So, Ricky. How did your foray into the Triad-run games in Chinatown go?" Cannell asks as the dealer distributes the first round of cards.

"Well, as you can see, I'm still in one piece. Although it was touch-and-go there for a while," Castle responds picking up his cards.

"What, did you piss off your muse?" Connelly rags.

"Bet's to you Cannell," Castle starts. "Yes and no."

"Yes that you pissed her off, no she hasn't shot you," Cannell teases as he throws in a chip.

"Call."

Castle sheepishly answers as he throws in a chip, "Call. Yes, I pissed her off. But it had nothing to do with the case."

"Well, what happened at the triad?"

"We were looking for a tattooed Russian who may have been the murderer on this case Beckett and I were working. He was supposed to be at the games," Castle continued.

"There were a few tattooed Russians there, weren't there, Ricky?"

"Yeah, I figured there would be one or two. How many Russians do you expect in Chinatown?"

The dealer turns over the next card. Cannell knocks.

"Well?"

"There was a table of Russians playing no limit poker at one table. So I joined them."

"I take it that wasn't the plan."

"Not exactly. Beckett thought … we all thought there would be only a few there. Two or three at the most. I was only to ID the Russian and get out. Well I couldn't ID the Russian since there were so many of them."

Connelly looks at his cards and throws them in.

"It's to you Castle."

Castle throws in a chip. "So I go to the table and say I'm a writer trying to get a local flavor."

"I'd bet. They took you for a bunch, huh?"

"Actually, no. I won a big pot."

"What happened?"

"Well I not too subtly tell the table of Russians about the murder. I explain that it's an idea for a story. But the murderer will know it is real."

Connelly looks at Castle funny.

"Hey, I was trying to make him show his hand."

"Speaking of showing your hand, call."

Castle thinks for a moment and then puts down his cards.

"Kings and deuces."

"Beats me."

As Castle takes the pot, he continues, "I get up to cash in and the murderer sticks a gun in my back taking me into the kitchen in the rear. He threatens to shoot me when the cavalry comes in in the form of Beckett in a short skirt."

"I'd bet that was a surprise."

"Yeah. To the murderer, too. She knocks out the suspect and drags him off to the precinct to charge him with murder."

"While she saves your life in her spare time."

"Yeah. She did."

"So you pissed her off on something outside of the case?" Connelly asks.

"Yeah. I crossed a line in her personal life. Everything was in motion before I hinted I did it and she told me to leave it alone. By that time, I couldn't stop it. Then I found something that I was compelled to tell her. That really pissed her off. So much so that she told me I had to leave."

"What was it?"

"Sorry, guys. I'm not going to reveal a confidence."

"What, Castle, are you becoming a priest?" Connelly teases.

"Ricky? A priest? Are you kidding? He can't go two minutes without chasing some skirt. Hey, that reminds me. I haven't seen much of you on page 6 lately. Are you coming down with something?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Maybe you should advertise that you are working with the NYPD. Some chicks dig the police."

"No! Absolutely not! I will not try to make myself look good by advertising I'm working with them. They are some of the finest people I have ever met, present company excepted."

"Right you are."

"They don't need me sullying their reputation," Castle depreciates.

Connelly chuckles, "But now you're not following that detective around anymore? She sent you away?"

"No. She let me stay."

"What did you do? Put the fear of God in her? Sic the mayor on her?"

"No. I apologized to her for crossing the line."

Cannell reaches up, puts the inside of his wrist to Castle's forehead as if to measure his temperature and says, "Are you sure you're alright? You don't have a fever?"

Castle chuckles pushing Cannell's arm away.

"Yes. I'm alright. I don't have a fever."

Connelly says, "Castle, I am, for one, astounded at what you did. You went into the triad searching for a murderer, went to great lengths to find him, have him pull a gun on you and you came out alive. And then you apologized to that detective."

Cannell adds, "Ricky, you must think she is pretty special. I don't know what astounds me more, the triad search or the apology."

As he picks up his cards for the next round, Castle thinks, "Well that makes three of us."

"Castle apologizing? Did you grovel? Did you have to wear sackcloth and ashes? Or worse yet, a dress?"

"A little groveling, but I deserved it," Castle smiled.

"Well will wonders never cease? It's amazing Ricky, I think you're growing up," Cannell teased.

Connelly adds, "Well, it's about time."

* * *

_Lately _

_I seem to walk, as though I had wings,_

_Bump into things,_

_Like someone in love _

* * *

A/N: 2x06 Vampire Weekend

Rick Castle loves Halloween almost as much as he loves Christmas. He feels his inner child is released by this holiday. He could be anything he wanted to be. Science fiction characters like Darth Vader or Captain Mal Reynolds. He could be a person from history, say Julius Cesare or George Washington. He could don their persona, their psyche for a few hours to 'try it on for size' to see if some facet of that character could be a part of his next book.

So every year he had a Halloween party for his friends. This year, he invited his friends from the precinct.

After all his planning and arraignments, Castle's Halloween party is now in full swing. All different types of characters from horror to fantasy are arrayed around the loft. Rick Castle himself is dressed up as his namesake, Edgar Allen Poe. Surveying the loft, Castle sees Lanie, dressed in a skin tight cat suit, as she's about to take a sip of the bubbly punch.

"Careful. That is a potion of my own concoction. Drink it, and who knows who or what you might become. Also, you might wonder what happened to your pants."

Lanie responds, "Ooh. Sounds like my kind of party."

Ryan dressed as a bloody doctor says, "You throw a great shindig for a 19th-century poet, Mr. Poe."

"Well, I've always told him, 'Darling, if you're gonna do something, do it big or don't do it at all,'" says Martha dressed as Cruella De Vil.

"Is that why you chose that hat?" Castle teases his mother.

Castle surveys the room while petting his stuffed crow. Castle sees another of the team he is part of, Detective Esposito.

Castle wonders, "Will Lanie and him finally get their signals straight?"

Esposito didn't stretch far for his Halloween costume, he's a soldier in desert camo gear.

Seeing Castle, Esposito asks, "Hey, Castle. You looking for Beckett?"

"No. Why?"

Ryan chimes in, "She said she wasn't sure she'd make it. She had some paperwork to finish up, but it's still early."

"Mmm."

Just then Castle hears a voice behind him, "Hey, Poe, looking for me?"

Castle turns to see Beckett walking in wearing one of her many long coats, this time a black trench coat. As she nears Castle the precinct gang gathers around the pair.

A let down Castle says, "You're you."

"You sound so disappointed, Castle," Beckett says.

"I said costumes are mandatory. I mean, dress up. You know? Be a little scary."

"Yeah, well, I was going for sexy.

She puts her hand in her trench coat belt and Castle looks her over eagerly. He almost hopes she is wearing something sexy to flash him. She pulls the coat open and an alien worm pops out. They all jump.

Beckett says, "Now we're even."

Castle holds out his stuffed crow to Beckett and says, "I'm giving you the bird."

Lanie cackles at the amusing sight as the rest of the gang turns away.

While Castle walks away to check on his other guests, Beckett grabs Lanie by the arm and drags her to a corner of the room. Looking around to make sure that no one they know can overhear Kate starts.

"Lanie, do you know what Castle did?"

"What, did Castle screw something up again? Make cheap innuendos? Make up terrible CIA or alien references in a case?"

"No, not this time."

"Well what then?"

"Have you seen his new book?"

"No, I don't have it on pre-order like you do."

Kate gives Lanie a dirty look.

"Well, it's true Kate. Haven't you pre-ordered almost every book he ever wrote?"

"Well, I guess so."

"You guess so? Kate, you used to comment to me about the books almost before I could read the reviews."

"Okay, okay, I preordered most of his books. But don't you dare tell him that. Castle's head would get so big, there wouldn't be room for it on the homicide floor."

"I won't tell Writer Boy your secret. So what did he do?"

"You know the series he's writing now?"

"Uhuh."

"There was a book release party last week."

"Yeah, Espo told me."

"I wish you could've been there. You would've been as surprised as I was."

"By what? What did Castle do?"

"He dedicated 'Heat Wave' to me," Kate sheepishly answered.

"HE. DID. WHAT?!" Lanie exclaimed.

Everyone in the vicinity turned and stared at Lanie after her outburst.

"He did. He dedicated 'Heat Wave' to me. 'To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the twelfth' is what he wrote."

"He called you extraordinary? For all the world to see? Kate, you need to get your freak on with Writer Boy soon. That dedication is serious, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"You suppose so?"

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is."

* * *

_Each time I look at you,_

_I'm limp as a glove,_

_An' feelin' like someone in love _

* * *

A/N 3x13 Knockdown

Richard Castle came home very late, or early depending on how you looked at it. He enters the loft with Detective Beckett escorting him in.

"Beckett, you didn't have to see me in. I'm a big boy. I can handle myself."

"Castle, it's the least I can do after you hurt your hand pounding Hal Lockwood. The doctor said to put some ice on it to keep the swelling down. Let me make you an ice pack."

As the pair walks up to the kitchen counter, they both notice two unhappy redheads glaring at them.

Noting the bandaged hand Martha exclaims, "Oh Richard what did you do?"

Simultaneously, Alexis cries, "Dad, what happened to your hand?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine" said Castle holding up his good hand. "There's nothing to worry about. I just won't be working on my novel for the next couple of weeks."

Unappeased, the two redheads continued their questioning.

"Did you pull him out of a bar fight, Detective Beckett?" asked Alexis.

"Katherine, please tell us that he didn't have some altercation with a young lady's beau."

"No. Actually he probably saved Ryan's, Esposito's, and my life tonight."

"Oh my," gasped Martha.

"Ryan and Esposito were kidnaped by this gang and were being water boarded. We managed to sneak in and take out the henchmen."

Beckett continued, "Castle jumped the leader of the gang and thumped him. Unfortunately, his hand is going to be out of commission for a little while. Anyway, do you have an ice pack for his hand?"

"Of course, of course," Martha said going off in search of an ice pack.

"So is everyone okay?" asked Alexis.

"Yes, Ryan and Esposito have mild hypothermia but are otherwise okay," Beckett responded glancing in Castle's direction indicating he shouldn't add anything to the story.

"Richard we were worried sick about you. You didn't call to let us know you'd be so late," said a very concerned Martha.

"Dad, you could have called. I was about to call Detective Beckett to see if she had heard from you."

"Sorry, sorry, ladies. It was a very fast moving case and I didn't have time to stop to call or text. I realize with 20/20 hindsight I should have let you know what was happening."

Looking from one of his ladies to the other he softly said, "Forgive me?"

Martha and Alexis hugged Castle and he bowed his head between them, grateful to have such a loving family. And wishing the other female in the room was also part of this family.

"But she's not," Castle thought. "And never will be. She has this colossal doctor as her boyfriend, why would she want with this writer?"

Feeling like she's intruding, Beckett says, "I'll just let myself out."

"Katherine, please don't think you have to leave."

"Yes, Detective Beckett, please let us fix you some coffee or something," said Alexis.

"Alexis, maybe we should let Detective Beckett go home now. She's had a tough day and probably could use some rest," said Castle hoping to head off any more questioning by the two upset redheads. Castle didn't need a discussion with Martha and Alexis about the ruse to fool the guard.

No, he didn't want to talk about it with them, and if he was being honest, with Beckett either.

Rick looked into Kate's eyes and felt that twinge again. The twinge he had really only felt a long time ago. He remembered that he felt that twinge when Kyra left. That bittersweet feeling of lost love.

He had known for a long time that he was in love with Kate. And tonight's ruse kiss with a couple of hours distance made him despair even more that he would never get to experience Kate as a lover. Never be able to love Kate.

That kiss gave him a taste of missed opportunities. A taste of an unattainable future. A taste of Kate completely in his life that never will be achieved.

Giving a somewhat half-hearted yawn, Beckett said, "I am a little tired. It's late and my adrenaline from all the excitement has worn off."

"Thank you, Detective Beckett for bringing dad home."

"Yes, thank you, Katherine."

Castle walked Beckett to the door.

Opening the door, Castle said, "Good night, Detective."

"Night, Castle."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and thanks for your kind reviews.


	8. While My Lady Sleeps

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Coltrane". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "While My Lady Sleeps" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=GF3sXmsCyEI

This song is by Gus Kahn and Bronislau Kaper. A version of it being sung by Chet Baker is also on YouTube.

watch?v=S_MAhH8trWs

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

_The Moon will rise but all in vain_

_For there's no use in shining_

_While my lady sleeps_

* * *

A/N: 1x03 Hedge Fund Homeboys

Rick Castle couldn't sleep. His mind was replaying the video of Donny's shooting. And then the smug, arrogant face of that cold, ruthless murdering kid, Brandon.

On the way down to DC with Alexis and her group, Castle looked at all the kids and wondered if the headmaster at Redding Prep was right. Rick could hear him saying over and over, "… all these kids are icebergs. We only see the tip."

Castle wondered what dark secrets lurked in the teens he saw on the trip down, what bergs lie below the surface. He thought about dark secrets a lot of the time because that was his job. He looked at the psyche to explore murders. His dark secrets lurked within every mystery novel he wrote.

But he kept coming back to that haughty kid, Brandon. Treating Beckett like some common wench, not the extraordinary detective he is coming to know.

As he sat up in bed he thought, "I hope Detective Beckett doesn't see me as arrogant or egotistical. Or that page 6 playboy that I'm not. Alexis and Mother know I'm not what is portrayed in the newspaper."

He paused and then thought, "I'm sorta like those kids. I'm an iceberg. There is more to me than what everyone sees."

He continued his musing, "Like Brandon, though, Beckett has a dark secret. Why she wears that men's watch on her wrist. It obviously drives her."

He looked at his cell, seeing the time, '1:27' it said.

"I wonder if the loss still keeps her up at night or if she is able to sleep now," Rick thought.

He got up to look through the window. He watched the lights of the city as they added the glow of life in the nation's capital. The city, while busy at night, paled in comparison to New York. The moon was rising over the city, adding its faint glow to the lighting.

Castle let go of the curtain and turned back to the bed. He walked to the adjoining room to check on Alexis. He knew that she thought he was being a little silly worrying about her. Her friends are good kids and he knew them all. But he wanted to check on her anyway.

He looked down on his sleeping daughter and smiled. Remembering back when she was little and he checked every night under her bed for monsters.

"It's a parent's prerogative to check on their children no matter how old they are," Rick thought. "Alexis, I will worry about you until the day I die."

He then thought that in a sense, by watching over her, by looking in on her, he was looking for new monsters to keep them from his daughter.

He turned back into his suite and lay down in his bed. After his musing through the night he felt better and could possibly fall asleep.

He stopped, "There's probably more to Beckett than what is on the surface, too. Like, why does she wear that men's watch? Is that who died? Someone important to her. Her father, perhaps?"

He fluffed his pillow on the bed behind him, "That watch shows the pain she carries inside. The pain of that death. I wonder if there is some way for me to help relieve that pain."

As he turned over to turn off the light he thought, "I hope, someday soon, Beckett will tell me the story behind that watch."

* * *

_The breeze will sing a sad refrain_

_Because her heart is pining_

_While my lady sleeps_

* * *

A/N: 1X10 A Death in the Family

"Damn that Richard Castle!" Kate yelled to no one in particular as she slammed her book down on the coffee table.

She couldn't sleep. Kate was keyed up from what Castle had done. She just couldn't believe that he did that.

"He said he did it for me," Kate thought. "But he really did it for him. For more backstory for Nikki Heat."

She sat in her now silent apartment thinking about meeting Lanie for drinks earlier that evening after she left the hospital.

"_Lanie," Kate started. "This has been a terrible week for me. This case we finished was really bad personally. Will was ambushed because of me. And then Castle dredged up my mother's case."_

"_Oh, sweetie," Lanie answered, "I'm sorry. What happened?"_

"_I found out that the doctor that was murdered was doing some plastic surgery on a person that the Fed's had in witness protection."_

"_How did you find out he was in witness protection?"_

"_We followed a lead on a surgery that the doctor performed that was 'off the books'. His entire staff didn't know about it."_

"_No records?"_

"_None."_

"_Then how did you find it?"_

"_Castle suggested we check the billing of the surgery."_

"_Castle?"_

"_Yeah, Castle." Kate said derisively. _

_She paused, fortifying herself with a sip of wine._

_Kate continued, "That's when we found the Fed's paid for the surgery."_

"_How was Will involved?"_

"_I went to him to get the info after 'Hard Candy' wouldn't tell us anything."_

"_Hard Candy?"_

"_Yeah, that's her nickname. Assistant US Attorney Candace Robinson. Tough lady."_

"_Oh."_

"_So Will arranges a meet with the patient. Castle and I talk with him."_

_After taking another sip of wine and choking back a sob, Kate continues. "On the way back to the safe house, they were ambushed and Will takes the brunt of it."_

"_Oh, sweetie. Is Will okay?"_

"_Yeah, he'll pull through."_

"_That's good, isn't it?"_

"_Yeah, I guess. But I feel responsible."_

"_You got the guy, though. You solved the case."_

"_Girl."_

"_Girl?"_

"_Yeah, the hitman was actually a woman."_

"_I could do without that kind of woman's empowerment."_

"_Yeah, me too."_

"_What happened with Castle?"_

_Fortifying herself with another sip of wine, Kate answered, "The other day he asked about my mother's case. And I told him not to touch it. If he did, we were over … as partners."_

"_So what did he do?"_

"_He ignored my wishes and looked into the case."_

"_Well, what did he find?"_

"_NO! I will not talk about it. He went ahead and did what I specifically asked him not to do. Isn't that enough?"_

"_I suppose it is."_

"_There's no 'suppose' about it."_

"_What did you do then?"_

"_I told him to leave and never come back. Mayor or no mayor, he isn't going to be following me around anymore."_

* * *

_Starlight and moonlight and amorous melody wasted_

_What can they mean when I'm yearning for kisses never_

_tasted?_

* * *

A/N: 3x12 Poof, You're Dead

There were 2 fingers of Scotch in the tumbler on Rick Castle's desk. A bottle of the rest stood guard beside it. Also on his desk in a vase he placed Beckett's magic trick flowers she'd given him to cheer him up.

Rick stood looking out the window at the lights of the city. The weather men were predicting snow for the evening with some icy rain in the morning. Right now the slowly falling snow gave an eerie glow around the lights illuminating the street below.

If he would have thought about it, he would have been glad he didn't have to commute in the nasty weather. But he wasn't thinking about it. He was thinking about the remains of his love life.

Over the summer he felt the beginnings of rekindled passion for Gina, his ex-wife and publisher. But now he felt he had been fooling himself the entire time.

He wanted it to feel extraordinary and he only got ordinary with Gina. He truly tried to feel extraordinary with Gina. There were hints of it while they were in their bubble in The Hamptons.

But when they got back to the city, they fought.

They fought about the Taylor Swift tickets for Alexis. They fought about Nikki Heat. They fought about their relationship. All they did now was fight.

He walked over to his desk to take a sip. He tasted the smooth beginning and the burn finish as it went down.

"No," he thought. "I wasn't in love with Gina, I was just in 'love' with the idea of love. The idea we could give it a second chance. That it would feel extraordinary. It wasn't real. It wasn't lasting. It couldn't be sustained. It wasn't 'one and done' as Beckett calls it."

He had really tried. For six months he tried. Really. But now it seems like a wasted effort. He couldn't deny what he has long had an inkling.

Rick Castle loves Kate Beckett.

And he can't have her.

"She's with doctor motorcycle boy now," Rick thought. "He's a lucky S.O.B. having that extraordinary woman in his life."

He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop to start writing on the next Nikki Heat novel. He wrote of Rook's heartache at seeing Nikki with another man.

_Rook watched as Nikki Heat walked away with her new beau. His heart just went through his feet and the color drained from his face. _

_He had lost that extraordinary woman to another. _

"_Right now, I feel like I will never find another woman. I will never love like that again," Rook thought._

_He turned because he couldn't watch her walk away anymore. He thought about what he would do now. _

"_Well," he thought. "I suppose I could be like Humphrey Bogart when asked about losing Ingrid Bergman at the end of 'Casablanca'. 'Nothin' a bourbon and soda couldn't fix.'"_

Castle looked at the text he just typed out.

"That is a pile of dreck," he thought. "Gina would have a field day with that stinking pile of excrement."

He sat still in his chair turning away from his laptop.

He picked up his phone and turned on his radio app to hear some music. He had last listened to some 80's music station and right now he could hear Rick Springfield.

_And she's watching him with those eyes_

_And she's loving him with that body, I just know it_

_Yeah 'n' he's holding her in his arms late, late at night_

"Oh god," he thought as he quickly turned off the radio. "I don't need that image in my mind now."

Turning back, elbows on his desk, running his hands through his hair, he thought, "If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny that I fell deeply in love with two women with the same initials. Kyra Blaine, Kate Beckett. Maybe that's my thing, I can only fall in love with women with the initials, 'K' and 'B'."

He thought about it a little and then laughed.

"Rick Castle is brought to you by the letters 'K' and 'B'. Yeah, I am a child so maybe my life is a children's television show. Need to leave out the sex, though."

Rick started looking at famous women with the same initials.

"Kim Basinger, too old for me but she was gorgeous in 'L.A. Confidential'. Karen Black, way too old for me. Huh. Maybe I'm safe for now."

He continues looking and then finds Kristen Bell.

"Oooh, cute. And she is about the same age as Beckett. I'd better watch out if I ever meet her."

He looked away from the computer with a sad, almost watery smile. He took another sip of his Scotch to ponder things.

"I guess I'll continue to follow her until she tells me to stop or she marries Josh. Perhaps we'll still be friends."

He paused pondering what he would do with Heat and Rook. Thinking about them and the loving that his characters have and the lack of that he has. He thinks about how they touch and kiss. Then everything changes and he sees not Heat and Rook but Beckett and him.

Shaking his head sadly to remove the pleasantly depressing image, he thinks, "Well, that's never going to happen between Beckett and me."

Finishing off his tumbler of Scotch, he moves to the bedroom.

"I'll give them a happy ending. I'll continue for a book or two more. I've got more than enough research for a couple more books. Then I'll see if I can come up with something else. Maybe resurrect Derrick."

* * *

_The night may hold a million dreams_

_But when her eyes discover, Just a lonely lover_

_She will hurry on, with a sigh to the dawn_

_While the willow tree weeps, and my lady sleeps._

* * *

A/N 3x22 To Love and Die in LA

As they were getting off of the plane, Castle asked Beckett, "Share a cab?"

"Huh?" Kate responded not paying attention.

"If Josh isn't coming to pick you up, of course."

"No. He's got an early shift tomorrow," she said. Then looking at her watch, "Today, in fact."

"Oh," Castle responded.

There was an awkward silence between them for a moment, then Castle broke the silence.

"The offer stands, I'll see you home, Beckett."

"Sure."

Prepared for a small argument about her being a cop, he was pleasantly surprised that she agreed so easily. A small smile came over Castle's face before he could hide it from Beckett. Then he re-established his friend mask for Beckett. He knew he shouldn't show that she meant more to him than a close friend. That he would like to be her lover.

Castle thought, "Rick, get a hold of yourself. Just because you had a very intimate discussion in LA doesn't mean she wants you. And even if she did, she's not a cheater. She would break up with Josh before she started with you."

As they got to the baggage claim there was a driver holding a placard that said "Kate Beckett".

"Castle," Beckett hissed. "What did you do?"

"Well, to put the paparazzi off, I used your name to order the car. I didn't think that you would like your picture getting off a plane with me plastered on page 6."

Sheepishly he added, "I hope you don't mind."

"Were you going to let me take it by myself if I didn't agree to share earlier?"

"Yes. But I hoped you'd share it with me."

"Castle," Kate said almost angrily then kindly. "Thanks, I wasn't looking forward to getting a cab at this hour. There's probably a long line at the taxi stand."

"By the looks of it, there's no 'probably' about it. It looks like there's about 75 people out there in line," Castle said peering through the windows seeing the line extend around the corner of the building.

Castle and Beckett collected their luggage and went to the town car.

Driving into the city from the airport they sat in silence for a while. Then Beckett spoke.

"Castle, I really do appreciate your help on getting Royce's killer. I don't think I could have done it without you."

Beckett looked over at Castle and smiled.

"No problem."

"And I will pay you back."

"Negative, ghostwriter. It's a small price to pay for getting your TO's killer."

Beckett gave him that patented 'Beckett glare'.

Castle, not being intimidated at all, teased, "Anyway, I'll just take it out of your portion of the Nikki Heat royalties."

"Castle, I'm not taking any royalties from you."

"Why not?"

"Because, you're the writer, I'm the cop."

"Beckett, I call you 'ghostwriter' for a reason. At the risk of repeating myself, you're the inspiration for Nikki Heat."

"I know that, but that doesn't mean I get any royalties. I'm not taking your money, Castle, and that's final."

"Alright, but can I use some to help solve cases?"

"Well, you know very well I can't say no. And you'll do whatever you want anyway. So, okay."

"Okay. Then the money I spent in LA was used to solve a case."

They sat in silence again as the town car made its way through the tunnel to Manhattan. Both of them looking away from each other and lost in thought.

They both knew that Castle would follow Beckett to the ends of the earth for whatever reason she chose, all she had to do was say the word. He would do most anything, spend all his wealth, and has almost given his life to see her through to the end.

Castle knew he was in love with Beckett, but seeing she was still with Josh, he didn't act on those feelings.

Beckett wasn't sure about how she felt about Castle, but she knew that she wasn't in love with Josh. In some respects, she was just using him. He was a placeholder. An excuse. An impediment. Anything to keep her walls secure.

To prevent anyone from seeing that she was a failure. Her most important case and she couldn't solve it.

Finally, they arrived at her apartment.

As she got out of the car, she put her hand on Castle's chest and said, "Thanks, Castle. For seeing me through this case. You don't need to walk me up to my apartment. And I'm tired and not interested in company tonight."

"This morning."

"This morning?"

"Yeah, this morning. It's after midnight, Beckett."

"So it is Mr. Precise," Kate said smiling.

"I'll see you later, Beckett. Sleep well."

"Thanks."

Castle watched as the driver got her bags out of the trunk and set them by the door to her building. She took them from there.

As the driver got back in, Castle said, "Wait a moment before we go."

Castle looked up to Beckett's floor waiting for a light to turn on. Finally, after a few minutes, the light to her living room turned on illuminating the window.

"Ok, we can go now."

"Good night, Kate," Castle thought. "Sleep well. I love you."

* * *

A/N: Thank you for your kind reviews. And thanks for reading!


	9. Then I'll Be Tired of You

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Stardust". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Then I'll be Tired of You" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=KpcZkBfBqDA

This song is by Yip Harburg and Arthur Schwartz. A version of it being sung by Dinah Shore is also on YouTube.

watch?v=k0ES0AF7e8E

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

All mistakes are mine. I have no beta.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

_You look at me and wonder, you look at me and doubt,_

_Darling your eyes are asking, "Will the flame burn out?"_

* * *

A/N: 4x21 Headhunters

Kate Beckett sat alone in her apartment staring off into space, not looking at anything in particular just lost in thought.

She can hear Lanie's voice in her mind saying "_How long can you circle before the fuel runs out?"_

"I now know he isn't that page 6 playboy up until recently. But something changed. It's been that way ever since Hunt from Scotland Yard was here. Maybe even before." Beckett thought.

She paused and then thought, "I know he cares for me. But does he still love me? Has the love he declared when I was shot died?"

She put her hand to her mouth and sobbed quietly. She knew that she had strong feelings for Castle for a long time. Even longer than she cared to admit. But now, she thought, maybe she was too late.

She went to her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her mascara had run, her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks blotchy from crying. She washed her face to calm herself and then thought about what where Castle and she were.

She thought, "Let's weigh the evidence. You're a detective, detect."

She looks over at her bookshelves. On them, prominently, are the three books Castle has written about her. He also replaced all of his books that were destroyed in her old apartment.

She turns again and chuckles. There on her desk is the crow Castle gave her from the first Halloween party she went to at the loft. Beside the crow is the signed 'Temptation Lane' cast photo that he gave to her even though she was with Josh at the time.

She thinks about the flowers he would bring by on those days she was down. It was almost like he knew that she needed cheering up.

And the daily coffees. He always brought her coffee. "Grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla" and sometimes he brought a bear claw, too. He bought the precinct that expensive coffee maker so that while he was gone, good coffee was still available instead of that 'monkey peed in battery acid' coffee.

"He was so supportive during that sniper case after I came back from medical," she thought.

"He has done so much for me over the past four years," she thought. "And what have I given him in return? A vague 'wait for me' when we were on the swings last fall."

She paused looking around.

"I still have some work to do. I'm still so broken. But I've got to give him something more than that. I've got to tell him that I'm working to be better. Working to be something more than this broken woman. That Dr. Burke has helped me to mend myself so that I am truly ready for a relationship with Castle. That I won't destroy us. That we won't 'crash and burn'. That we can be great. That we can have a great love story together."

She got up to make herself some hot chocolate.

Filling her cup with water and then putting it in the microwave, she thought, "I hope I'm not too late."

* * *

_Well, no one is sure of sun shine, no one is sure of dawn,_

_But I am sure my love will live on and on._

* * *

A/N: 5x21 Still

Castle and Beckett hurriedly exit the building arm in arm. She stops him when they're a safe distance from the building.

"Wait, Castle. Listen. Thank you for staying with me."

"Always."

She smiles at 'their' word and leans in to kiss him. Before she can, there's the beep of a siren. Ryan and Esposito pull up in their car. Gates is with them. Ryan runs to Castle and hugs him while Esposito hugs Beckett.

"Perfect timing," Castle says to Ryan.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Did she see?" Beckett asks.

As Captain Gates approaches she addresses Beckett, "Glad to see you, Detective. Even you, Mr. Castle. I have to say, I don't know too many men who would have done what you did."

Beckett responds, "Neither do I."

Castle smiles at her. She looks away before she can smile back.

Looking at the two of them Captain Gates says, "Oh, for heaven sake, Detective. Just kiss the man."

Everyone looks startled.

"Sir, you know?" Beckett asks.

Gates responds, "What? Do you think I'm an idiot? I needed to maintain plausible deniability, which I can continue, as long as you two both act professionally at the precinct."

Castle jumps in, "I know I can, but Captain, she has a long history of coming on to me at work –"

Beckett rolls her eyes as she interrupts him. "I don't think it will be a problem, sir."

"Good. Meanwhile, as long as we're on neutral ground here, I'd say uh, he deserves it. Wouldn't you?"

Beckett smiles, "Yes sir, I would."

Castle shrugs his shoulders preening a bit. The team walks away to leave them alone. Beckett puts her hands around his neck. She's just about to kiss him when she pulls back.

"You know Castle, when I was standing up there I kept thinking about all the times we've kissed. And I was trying to decide on the best one."

Castle smilingly asks, "And what do you think?"

"I think we're just getting started."

She kisses him again and then they walk over to Esposito's car to talk with the rest of the team.

Seeing Beckett leaning somewhat on Castle, Captain Gates yells, "Paramedic! Please come over here."

As the paramedic approaches, Gates turns to the pair and says, "Detective Beckett go with the paramedic now. Ryan, you go with Beckett and get her statement while she's being checked over."

"Yes, sir," Ryan answers.

"Yes, sir," Beckett says as she slowly walks with the paramedic. The adrenaline wearing off and the pain of standing still for so long starting to affect her legs.

Gates continues, "Mr. Castle, I want you to see Detective Beckett home. She shouldn't be driving after that trauma."

"Yes, sir."

"Detective Beckett."

Beckett turns to her Captain.

"I do not want to see you or Mr. Castle in the precinct for the next two days, understood?"

"Understood, sir. And thank you."

"You're welcome. Don't worry about your vehicle. Detective Ryan will bring your car back to the precinct."

Beckett nodded.

"Press relations will handle the media for now. And given the high profile of this incident," Gates says pointing at the several TV trucks at the end of the street. "I suggest you contact your family. They are probably quite worried by now. Now go. Both of you."

"Yes, sir."

After being checked out by the paramedic and given home treatment instructions, Beckett is released to go home.

"Can I take you to the loft? I'll make you a warm bath to rest. There's lasagna prepared in the fridge. All I have to do is throw it in the oven."

"Thank you, Castle. That would be nice."

Castle hails a cab and Beckett stiffly enters the car.

Beckett leans in to Castle and starts to sob. The traumatic day, standing on a bomb for that long has finally taken its toll on her.

Castle knowing his partner, his lover, well is silent letting her free the emotions of the day. He holds her and gently caresses her hair to calm both of them. He breathes in the scent of cherries from her hair.

He is glad that she doesn't feel she has to be the 'steely Detective Beckett' in private moments with him. That she can be altogether human knowing he will not judge her. It only makes her more extraordinary in his eyes.

After crying it out, Beckett sits up and turns to look at Castle.

Wiping her eyes with her hand, Kate says, "Castle, I think I ruined your shirt."

"I can get another shirt. Don't worry about it. A small price to pay knowing that you're alright."

Still red eyed and teary, Beckett wipes her face some more smearing her mascara.

Castle hands a handkerchief to her to wipe her eyes.

Beckett continues, "Castle, you didn't stay away like I asked you to."

"Beckett, you asked me to leave. Which I did by the way. But you didn't ask me to stay away. I will not agree to that if I can do something to help you."

She looks down at her hands. Castle puts his hand on her chin to get her to look at him.

Castle asks, "You remember Scott Dunn?"

Beckett nods.

"And we weren't even together then. You think if I would stay with you then, I could do any less now?"

"No, I guess not. But, I still don't like you putting yourself in harm's way for me."

"Beckett, you have to send me away and tell me never to come back. Tell me … tell me you never want to see me again. But, please, please don't do that. That truly will be the worst day of my life."

"Okay. I won't."

* * *

_I'll be tired of you when stars are tired of gleaming_

_When I am tired of dreaming, then I'll be tired of you._

_This I know is true, when winds are tired of blowing,_

_When grass is tired of growing, then I'll be tired of you._

* * *

A/N 6x18 Night of the Ninja

Beckett and Castle are standing in the living room of the loft. An angry Beckett paces while a chastened Castle stands in the middle of the room.

"You didn't call because you were in a private room making out with a geisha?"

"Okay, we were not making out. She was kissing me. And for the record, she wasn't a geisha. She was a hostess."

"The difference being?" Beckett angrily asks.

Sheepishly Castle responds, "Okay, point taken. But I was undercover and I did get us a lead."

"Oh, you know what I would have appreciated? A phone call about this lead, somewhere around 10 o'clock. Because," she says mockingly, "that's what partners are for."

"Right. And I was about to make that phone call and that's when the ninjas attacked."

"You've got an excuse for everything, don't you?"

Castle pauses, then says, "Okay, I'm getting the feeling that this is about more than me not calling."

She scowls and turns and drops to the couch, her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands.

"What – was it that bad? Did she go on about camel treks and yacht races? Did you have a fight with the goddess?"

"No. Worse," Beckett mumbles into her hands, then she looks up. "Carly was boing."

"Boring?"

"Yeah. All she did was complain about her husband, saying now that she was married there's no romance in her life. It's just an endless routine of sameness."

"So … your fabulous friend –"

"Is not so fabulous anymore.

Castle walks over to the couch and sits next to her. Then he says, "Ah."

Beckett turns to face him then says, "I mean, that's not going to happen to us, is it? You've done this before. Marriage isn't going to change us, right? We're not going to become one of those couples that go to the same two restaurants and only have sex on national holidays?"

He scoffs thinking, "Yeah, right. At 60 I will still be unable to keep my hands off of you."

"No, I'm serious. 'Cause that place that you were at tonight, it was filled with married men that are bored with their wives," she says as she lovingly wraps her arms around his neck. "I don't ever want to be bored with you and I don't want you to be bored with me, either."

Rick responds, "Okay. Well then, let's … um … let's put it into our vows. A promise to each other that even though we're married it doesn't mean there is no more romance. And we will never, ever, be boring. Deal?"

Beckett smiles, "Okay, deal."

Castle kisses her to seal the deal, then he asks, "Does this mean you forgive me for not calling?"

Sassily she answers, "Uh uh. Not yet."

"Oh," Castle says as he realizes the game Beckett is playing. He leans in to kiss her again and asks "How about now?"

"Hmm …," pretending to think. "… getting there."

"This is torture."

He kisses her again. This time she falls into it and playfully kisses him back.

* * *

_Beyond the years, _

_'Til day is night, 'til wrong is right,_

_'Til birds refuse to sing,_

_Beyond the years, the echo of my only love _

_Will still be whispering, whispering._

_And if my throbbing heart should ever start repeating _

_That it is tired of beating, then I'll be tired of you._

* * *

A/N Season 32?

Everyone has gathered at the Castle's Hampton's house for a combination celebration. This year, both his birthday and Easter fall on the same day.

It is a beautiful early spring day. A bright sun is shining, there are a few puffy clouds in the sky. The day is almost unseasonably warm for the first of April. The trees are starting to bud and the hints of green are taking hold. The whole of nature is waking from its long winter's nap.

The gang from their time at the 12th is here. Kevin and Jenny and their children and grandchildren are there for the Easter egg hunt. Alexis and her husband with their kids are there, too. Lanie is there with her family and Javi with his. A brood of children, and grandchildren are there on the lawn celebrating the start of spring.

Castle, a little tired from chasing his first grandchild, sits in an Adirondack chair beside his wife of over 25 years.

He looks over at Kate. Her hair is short, styled like the way it was when they first met. Instead of the chestnut color, it is now given over to mostly gray. Her face, still radiant after all these years, has aged gracefully. Her eyes still have the gorgeous fire that he knew when she took him into interrogation that March, seeming both ages ago and only yesterday.

"My sugar rush nine-year-old has been playing with my 10 year-old grandchild, huh?" Kate asks.

A little breathless, Castle nods his head.

"Rick," Kate teases. "You may be nine in your head but your body reminds you you're not."

"I … am … nine … years … old," Rick answers indignantly emphasizing the 'nine' and taking breaths between each word.

Kate glares at him.

Getting his breath back Rick continues, "Sixty. Nine."

Kate giggles at the small pun.

Rick reaches over, takes her hand, brings it to his mouth and kisses it.

"I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too, Rick."

"This is such a wonderful birthday day. Family, good friends, good food, great weather. What man could ask for anything more?"

Castle looked over a Beckett and wiggled his eyebrows. Beckett laughed and then gently slapped his chest.

"You're incorrigible."

Castle smiled and then turned to watch the rest of the gang playing on the grass.

"Is this as good as the 'Rear Window' surprise party? You never did get me back," Kate teased.

"Oh, yes I did."

"You did? How?"

"For the next several years, you kept looking around for hints of a surprise. A booby trap of some sort. A clue for some nefarious plan of mine. You would get so worked up in the weeks leading up to your birthday, you would be a wreck. You would breathe a sigh of relief when a normal, somewhat quiet birthday celebration was held."

Still holding her hand, he kissed it again.

"And after a year or two of this, I realized that planning an over the top birthday would upset you rather than please you. Mainly because you would be upset at all the money I would spend. Second, your worrying about the plans was in its own way a way of getting you back."

Rick looked over at his wife and smiled. Kate glared and then her expression softened and she gleamed back at him.

"I think the only really surprise birthday party was that one that was at "The Old Haunt". But that was BK, so we could party. After the kids came, I knew that a quiet family party was the best party. Better than anything I could scheme. So that's why I never tried to really get you back."

"Yeah, before kids we did have some adult fun. But with kids it was still fun, too," Kate said turning to look at all the children on the lawn.

Kate saw Javi chasing after assorted children with his target having happy screams. When Javi picked his target up and swung her around the happy screams intensified. Javi kissed the girl on her cheek and released her and then she became 'it' in the kid's game of tag.

Raising his hands and saying "Uncle Javi is tired. I'm out." Esposito walked over to the pair.

"Happy birthday, bro. Sixty-nine, huh? Who woudda thought? After all your escapades, you managed to survive," Esposito teased. "All that is probably thanks to Beckett here."

"Thanks, Javier. I'm glad you and your family could come out here. I know it is a bit of a trek from the city."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, Castle. And the kids love coming out to see their Uncle Rick and Auntie Kate."

"They have grown so much, haven't they?"

"Yeah, and yours, too. How old is she now?"

"She's twenty. And looks just like her mother, thank God," said Rick smiling at his wife.

"Yeah, ruggedly handsome doesn't really work for a girl, does it?" Esposito teased.

Rick chuckled, "No, it doesn't."

"Uncle Javi! Uncle Javi! Come and play with us!"

Esposito turned to the Castles and said, "I think that is my cue."

Beckett answered, "Have fun, Espo."

Kevin Ryan walks up giving a high five to Esposito as he passes.

"Happy Birthday, Castle. Great day."

"Thanks Kevin."

"How do you guys do it?"

"Hmm?" Kate responded.

"I mean, look at you two. You both, minus the gray hair, look like you could go into the academy tomorrow. You guys look great!"

"Thanks," said Kate.

"Me, I've got the middle age spread," Ryan says rubbing is stomach. "But you guys look like you have just come from modeling something for a fashion spread."

Beckett chuckles, "Matilda King hasn't been at 'Modern Fashion' for years. But thanks."

"Kate keeps me young and feeds me a bunch of unknown green stuff that she claims is good for me." Putting his hand to the side of his mouth to hide, Castle says, "But it really tastes like crap."

Teasingly slapping Castle's chest, Kate continues, "And we go to the gym for a couple of hours, three times a week. That's what keeps it off. We make it a family affair some nights where we bring the kids, too. Can't have them glued to the video games after school."

"Kevin, can you go get your son before he hurts himself?" Jenny yells at Kevin.

"Ah, Jenny calls and I must obey," Ryan says. "I think 'obey' was her favorite word from the marriage vows."

Castle chuckles, "Good thing 'obey' wasn't in ours."

Kate playfully slaps Rick in the chest. "Hey! Ryan you saw that! You can arrest Beckett for spouse abuse, can't you?"

Pointing toward the playing kids Ryan says, "I think I need to go get my son."

"Good plan, Kevin," Kate said smiling.

Rick and Kate watch as Kevin walks away searching for his son. Rick leans over and kisses his wife. She looks at him as if to say 'what was that for?'

"I love you, Kate. I can't thank you enough for taking the chance and marrying me."

"I love you, too, Rick. And you're welcome but it was an easy choice for me. You made it easy and always interesting. Never boring."

Rick kissed her and responded, "No. Never boring."

* * *

A/N: Easter falls on April 1, 2040 when Rick Castle will be 69.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your kind reviews.


	10. You Leave Me Breathless

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane". These vignettes (close to canon, I hope) come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "You Leave Me Breathless". This is from his album "John Coltrane with the Red Garland Trio". You can hear the song as played by the John Coltrane on YouTube.

watch?v=NydFmbg2vNQ

This song is by Ralph Freed and Friedrich Hollaender. A version of it being sung by Nancy Wilson is also on YouTube.

watch?v=Zny8bXhyMNk

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended. Any correlation with real events or any person whether living or dead is purely coincidental.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

_You leave me breathless_

_You heavenly thing_

_You look so wonderful_

_You're like a breath of spring_

* * *

A/N: 3x10 Last Call

Leaving the precinct with the bottle of Beau James's St. Miriam's Scotch in his hand, Castle led the five of them to the curb to hail some taxis. Their rendition of Bill Joel's 'Piano Man' finished as they reached the curb.

Somehow, it ended up that Captain Montgomery, Esposito and Ryan ended up in one cab and Castle and Beckett ended in another.

Waving at Brian and Eddie, Castle escorted the team to his booth in the back. Annie brought over 5 glasses and then Rick opened the bottle with a flair.

"A little over the top, Castle," teased Beckett.

"The son of Martha Rodgers must do something for such a momentous occasion," Castle responded pompously.

Castle poured 1 finger in each of the glasses and handed them to each of the company of friends.

"To Donnie's courage of convictions and to Lou for being a father figure who encouraged those to be better than they are."

"To Donnie and Lou," they all repeated.

They each took a sip of the valuable liquor. Castle closed his eyes as he took his sip. He could almost taste the oak casks and the raw barley. Then he felt the burn of the alcohol in the back of his throat. Then a smooth finish to his palate.

Castle made some soothing noises to the sip of Scotch.

The quintet talked for a while, relating 'war' stories for Castle's benefit. Captain Montgomery also talked about his kids. Castle told them about Alexis's latest exploits.

Taking more sips of the Scotch, the friends all hummed their enjoyment.

Breaking the reverie, Esposito asked, "Castle, did you really buy the bar?"

"Yeah. It seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't want TJ McChucklenuts to take over this great establishment."

"Great establishment?" Beckett chortled.

"Yes," Castle said stretching out the word.

"Castle, please. Even for you, that is a little much," Beckett teased.

"Yeah, Castle," Ryan continued. "Why buy a bar? And why this bar?"

"Castle's picture is on the wall. His ego won't let a picture of him being thrown away," Beckett answered for Castle.

Ryan and Esposito chuckled at Beckett's dig.

"No oo," Castle responded extending out the 'o'. "This place speaks to me. Its history as a bordello and then a speakeasy almost emanates from the walls. It tells the stories of all the people who walked through those doors so many years ago. I can almost hear the speakeasy crowd murmur and the '20s music. Can you hear it? The cash register ringing keeping track of the till. Lovers having quiet tête-à-têtes purring sweet nothings in each other's ears while the world passed by on the streets above. The nefarious schemes planned between and amongst the gangsters who frequented here. The gangster's moll in elegant furs who knew how to keep her man on his toes by giving him a single glance. The people who celebrated the end of World War II. I see and hear them all here."

"And that is why you're a writer, Castle," Beckett said. "You see things and then paint a story around it."

"Paint a story? Beckett, I'm surprised. You working a metaphor."

"I can surprise you anytime, Castle, if you'd only pay attention."

"Whoa," the boys said staring dumbfounded at Beckett.

"On that note, Castle, thank you for hosting this and giving us a taste of this Scotch," Montgomery said as he stood up and made his way to leave.

"My pleasure, Captain. Say hi to Evelyn for me," Rick responded.

"If I'm going to see Jenny at all tonight, I need to leave," Ryan said. "Thanks for the drink, Castle."

"I need to leave, too," Esposito followed.

"Thanks for coming guys. I'll see you back at the precinct."

Castle watched as the compatriots left and then turned to find Beckett looking like she was in no hurry to leave. Beckett watched Castle, looking for what she thought she saw.

"Not meeting Josh?"

"No, since I was working this case and didn't know when we would finish, Josh and I didn't make plans."

"Oh?"

"Gina?"

"Off at a publishing conference," Castle said sadly.

Being attuned to some of Castle's feelings, Kate continued, "Things going, okay?"

"Things were going great for a while last summer, but then we fell, again, into the pattern that we had at the end of our marriage. Dancing around each other's buttons, trying to resist pushing them and then stumbling and arguing about something anyway. Stuff we both knew going in but didn't let it stop us."

Beckett reached across the table and held Rick's hands. "I'm sure you'll work it out. Your previous history with Gina doesn't make it doomed to failure. You know where the relationship mine fields are. You just work around them so you don't hurt each other. If you truly care for one another, you'll find a way."

Castle looked up from their joined hands and gave Kate a sad smile. "Thanks, Beckett. A friend's advice is always helpful."

"Thanks, Castle. I am proud to call you 'friend', too."

Castle smiled back at Beckett.

Getting up, Beckett said, "It's been a long day, Castle. I think I'll go home."

"Please, let me call a car for you."

"No thanks, Castle. I can handle it."

"Beckett, I insist. Let me call my car service. They can be here in a jiffy."

"'A jiffy', Castle? I've never heard you use that expression. Where did that come from?"

"Hanging around too long with the backstage crew. You heard the most colorful language from the crew when they didn't know a kid was around. When they did, they went overboard on being polite. Thus 'a jiffy', Beckett."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Castle called and then turned to Beckett, "They should be here very soon. A car just dropped someone off not two blocks from here."

"Are you thinking of making any changes, Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"To this place? Any changes?"

"No, not really. I haven't really thought about it."

"No new lighting? No different decorations?"

"Beckett, I'm not that metrosexual."

"Says the man who went nuts over shaving crème last year."

"Okay, I am a little but not enough to try to change the bar. I think it's homey.

"Homey?"

"Homey, Beckett. Like a nice place to visit. Or 'Where everyone knows your name.'"

As he finished speaking, Castle received a text.

"Beckett, the car is here."

He stood up and helped her with her jacket.

"Thanks for the drink, Castle. I'll call you when we have a case."

"Okay, Beckett. Good night."

"Nite."

Castle watched Beckett walk away and up the stairs to the street. Since she wouldn't see him, he gave himself permission to stare at her as she walked away. He held his breath as the lovely visage finally disappeared from view.

It was just like earlier in the week, before they entered 'The Old Haunt' the first time, she popped that extra button.

He held his breath then, too.

Rick Castle looked around his new purchase. 'The Old Haunt' was now his after his business manager had worked it out with Donnie's executor. He probably paid too much for the property, but it had some sentimental value to him so it was worth it.

His first book, written in this place, within these walls.

Not only did 'The Old Haunt' give him inspiration for his first book and a wealth of new stories, but it now figured in his psyche, in his places of honor.

This was a place where Kate Beckett took his breath away.

Twice.

* * *

_You leave me speechless_

_I'm just like the birds_

_I'm filled with melody_

_But at a loss for words_

* * *

A/N: 3x14 Lucky Stiff

Castle was going to die. He really thought he was going to die. He tried, he really tried but he was going to die. He tried as much as possible not to look at Beckett. Beckett in that sinfully short, tight mini skirt. That skirt that showed her mile long, gorgeous legs. Those legs in the killer heels.

Yeah, Castle was trying to be cool. Yeah, Joe Cool.

On the inside the teenage boy in Castle was going "whoop, whoop, ther it is. Yeah, baby!"

Castle was convinced that he was going to die. Beckett was going to kill him.

Maybe not with a gun. No, not that cleanly. If she noticed how he was drooling over her dress, how he was having difficulty speaking (even while trying to be cool about it), she would give her stare and he would be a grease spot on the floor. Or maybe just a pile of Jell-O. Any way about it, he's a dead man. Dead man drooling.

But he thinks that maybe, just maybe he would die a happy man.

Beckett decided that they would go together to the nightclub in Castle's Ferrari. Then they wouldn't look like a low class couple, or as Espo said, "a whiff of bacon." No, they had to look like a party couple so they could get close to Oz. Actually, Beckett had to look like a party girl. It didn't matter really what Castle looked like. Oz wouldn't be interested in him.

So Beckett had on, well, barely had on that party dress. That sinfully short, mini skirt party dress. That dress that was going to be death of Castle, the reason for Castle's murder.

Castle convinced Beckett to let him change. He needed to go home and use a cool wash cloth on his face. He need to change because he had been sweating the entire drive from Beckett's apartment. When she came out of her bedroom in that dress, he was speechless. And he started to sweat.

"_Beck … Beckett, you … uh … you look … uh … uh."_

"_Castle!"_

"_Sorry, you look great. Oz will be impressed."_

"_Oh, yeah. Thanks."_

* * *

Rick opened the door to the loft.

"Mother."

Martha looked at the couple and especially Beckett. "Oh, my. Look at you. Oh, you look gorgeous."

Castle excused himself from the two ladies by saying, "I'm just gonna grab my keys and change."

Seeing Castle leave the room, Martha asks, "You two going out on a date?"

"Oh, no. We're just doing a little undercover work," said Beckett.

Changing the subject to Martha's late beau, Beckett asked, "So, how are you doing?"

"Ahhh eh. I've been better."

Sitting down beside Martha, Beckett continued, "Castle told me that you decided to give the money back?"

"Yeah, well, I tried. Chet's kids refused to take it," Martha sadly answered. "They said their father loved me, wanted me to have the money. So, I'm...you know, trying to figure out what to do with it. Everything I come up with seems so selfish and petty."

"Well, it doesn't have to be that way."

Not noticing that Castle had quickly changed and walked in, Beckett continues, "You know, someone once told me that money doesn't change you, it just magnifies who you are. You cared about Chet. Maybe you could do something that would honor his memory somehow."

"That is a lovely thought. Thank you. Really, thank you."

Castle finally lets the ladies know he is in the room. He smiles knowingly as he heard Beckett repeat something he said recently to her.

"Alright. Got the keys," says Castle.

"Oh, great. I'm driving."

Chuckling, Castle responds, "You're driving? Beckett, this is … this is a Ferrari. It is a high-performance vehicle designed to respond instantaneously to your every whim, your every movement, every …"

Turning to Martha rolling her eyes, Beckett snatches the keys.

Driving the car, Beckett zooms down the street, weaving in and out of cars, and pulls up short in front of the club, handing Castle the keys. "Wow. Nice car."

"Yeah," Castle thought. "Even nicer legs."

* * *

_That little grin of yours_

_That funny chin of yours_

_There's so much to my heart_

_Or give your lips to me_

_For darling that would be_

_The final touch to my heart_

* * *

A/N 4:01 Rise

Kate Beckett was getting ready to leave the hospital (Finally!) with her father. She had collected a few of the things that had been delivered for her, flowers mostly, a few other gifts, too. She told her nurse to take most of it to other patients who were less fortunate. The only one that she wouldn't think of giving away was from Castle. The flowers were just showing signs of wilting. She thought she could take them home to press in a book. She wanted that small tenuous connection to that man who tried to save her.

She told him that she didn't remember, but she did. That momentous declaration couldn't be easily forgotten, even if she was in excruciating pain from the sniper's bullet.

"_Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."_

She thought about the look on his face as he made that declaration. The utter despair in his eyes.

Then she thought about all the previous times with Castle.

Like the first case back after the summer, that counterfeiting case where he had that smirk thinking he had solved the case.

His sad look when he brought the take out to her after she had to shoot Coonan.

Or that kiss to fool the guard and save Ryan and Esposito.

She touched her lips. She almost could feel the press of his lips on hers.

"Kate."

"Oh. Sorry dad. I was a little lost in thought."

"Have you called him?"

"What? Who?"

"Come on, Katie. You and I both know who."

"Dad, Josh and I broke up. He already came by to say goodbye. So I'm not calling him."

"Kate."

Kate gave her dad a 'Beckett stare'.

"Your mother used to do that to me, too. When I asked a question she didn't want to answer. Didn't work on me then, won't work on me now."

Kate sighed.

"Rick. You haven't called him, have you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Kate. The man cares for you. Dare I say, probably more than that. Don't you see it? How many times does he have to demonstrate it, hmm?"

"Dad."

"You told me he bought you that dress to go to that black tie event just after he started following you. He paid all that money to smoke out Johanna's killer. And how many times has he saved your life?"

"Dad, please. Don't make this worse than it already is."

"No, Kate. Your mother and I taught you better than this. Heck, I don't even know the man, but I know he doesn't deserve silence from you."

"It's complicated."

"Yeah, well life is complicated. You know that better than I do. And I know how stubborn you are. Johanna was that way too, so you come by it naturally."

Kate grunted.

"Kate, at some time you're gonna need him. He wants to be there for you, I can tell. Let him."

"Dad, please."

"Ok, I'll drop it. But please think about it. Even if you just text him and tell him you're okay."

"I'll think about it."

Jim wheeled his daughter out to the car waiting at the hospital loading area. The orderly helped get all of the items Kate wanted to take with her out to the car.

"You have all your instructions for exercises in between your therapy sessions?"

"Yes, Dad."

"And all your medications?"

"Yes, Dad. What am I? Three?"

"Dads are allowed to worry about their little girls even if they are supposedly grown up."

Kate raises an eyebrow.

"So I am claiming father's prerogative. Even if I haven't always been the best of fathers, I am trying now. So at least give me that."

"Okay, Dad. Okay."

"Are you sure you want to spend the next month out at the cabin?"

"Yes dad. I do. I need to get away from the city for a while."

"I need to get away from everything that reminds me of that day," she thought. "Everything that reminds me of Castle. Because if I saw him. If he asked me again, I would breakdown. He would know I lied. That I heard him. And then we'd be finished."

* * *

_You leave me breathless_

_That's all I can say_

_I can't say more because_

_You take my breath away_

* * *

A/N: Sometime in Season 8

Rick Castle was at the bar getting drinks for his wife and himself. They were again at the Metropolitan American Dance Theater fundraiser. He was still on their mailing list and had recently got a call to help. He convinced Kate that it would be appropriate to come back to the scene of their first date. After gently arguing about it, Beckett conceded that even though it was for a case, their coming to the MADT fundraiser 7 years ago was their first date.

After picking up the vodka and cranberry juice for Kate and the red wine for himself he turned to scan the ballroom for his wife. He finally settled on her talking with Mayor Weldon.

Kate positively glowed as far as Castle was concerned. Her dress was tastefully sexy. A long crimson dress with a slit up the side about mid-thigh showing her long, beautiful legs. The neckline teased with just enough décolletage for interest but not gaudiness.

"Oh, excuse me," said a graying gentleman who bumped Castle. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you."

"Sorry," Rick said continuing to lovingly stare at his wife.

The gentleman, noticing where Rick was looking said, "Captivating beauty, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is."

"Lovely women like that always leave us poor men breathless, don't they?"

"Yes sir!"

"And who is that lovely woman you can't keep your eyes off of talking with the Mayor?"

"That is Captain Kate Beckett of the NYPD."

"Oh? I see. You know her?"

"A little," Castle chuckled.

"Hmm."

"The first time we met, she arrested me," Castle continued.

"Oh. I take it you were a ne're-do-well at one time."

"Some would argue, I still am," Castle said self depreciatingly.

"Some?"

"Yeah, my mother, my daughter and my wife."

The gentleman chuckled, "I think all the women in a man's life would argue the same. Mine especially."

"I agree … with the all women part." Castle chuckled.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners? My name is Tom."

"Rick."

"Nice to meet you, Rick. I'd shake your hand but I see your hands are full. Drinks for you and your wife?"

"Yes," Rick answered. "Married?"

"Widowed," Tom responded. "I lost my Marie a year ago. She fought it but the cancer won."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We had 37 glorious years. 2 daughters. 5 grandchildren and another on the way. Marie looked a lot like Captain Beckett over there. Gorgeous brunette. I can still remember the first time I saw her. She took my breath away. I was tongue tied. Couldn't say a word."

Rick agreed, "My wife does that to me, too."

Tom pulled out his phone showing a picture of Marie and his 2 daughters at some happy occasion.

"I loved her so much. Still do."

"I see the resemblance," Rick said.

"Marie loved dancing, any sort. Watching and participating. We took ballroom together for a while. She was active in MADT but that was before the cancer struck. Have you or your wife been cornered to join the board yet, Rick?"

"No, I have my own pet causes. But this fundraiser ended up being my wife's and my first date. So we are coming back to the scene of the crime, so to speak," Rick chuckled.

Tom smiled. "Well I hope you and your wife have a wonderful time."

"Thanks."

Kate had finished greeting the mayor and started looking around the ballroom for Castle.

Tom looked back at Kate noticing her scan.

"I see the object of your desire is alone," Tom said nodding toward Kate. "I won't tell your wife that you lust after Captain Beckett."

"Don't worry, Tom, she already knows."

Tom looked at him raising an eyebrow.

Just then Beckett found Castle and started walking over toward them.

"Captain Beckett is coming over. Perhaps to arrest you again? Should you go and find your wife?" Tom asked.

"Tom, to tell you the truth …"

"There you are Castle," Kate interrupted as she kissed him on the cheek.

Tom looked at the pair with a somewhat shocked look on his face.

Castle handed Beckett her drink and then turned to Tom, "I'm sorry, Tom, I've kept you in the dark. This is my wife, Kate. Kate, Tom."

Tom chuckled shaking Beckett's hand, "Rick here has been staring at you the whole time, Captain."

"Castle! What have I told you about staring? It's creepy," Beckett said gently slapping his chest.

"Only at you, babe. And you love it."

Kate smiled then turned to Tom, "I'm sorry, Tom, but I need this ruggedly handsome man to dance with me. Will you excuse us?"

"By all means," Tom replied.

"It was nice to meet you, Tom."

"Nice to meet you, too. Rick. Kate," Tom responded nodding to them both.

Tom watched the pair depart to the dance floor. He wistfully smiled thinking about the times he took his Marie to the dance floor and held her in his arms.

Tom then looked to the ceiling and thought, "Thank you, God for blessing me with Marie. And please, may you also bless Kate and Rick."

Then with a tear in his eye he continued, "I love you, Marie. I miss you."

Tom listened closely. He could almost hear her say back, "I love you, too, Tom. And I miss you, too."

* * *

A/N: I wrote this last vignette prior to seeing 8X02 XX. This may end up being an AU vignette unfortunately. This also refers to one of my favorite episodes, 1x07 Home is Where the Heart Stops. By doing everything he did to get into the MADT fundraiser, Castle indicated his affection (if not the initial stirrings of love) for Beckett. This overtly showed to Beckett that he would do anything (short of sacrificing Alexis) for her.

A/N 2: I apologize for the long time between updates (it seems to end up being about a month). I can't write a brief vignette that I'm satisfied with. So I have these 3K to 4K chapters that take me a while to write. None of these are pre-written, I just let the songs inspire me.

Thank you so much for your kind reviews, follows and favorites.

Mr. Mellow


	11. I See Your Face Before Me

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Settin' The Pace". These vignettes (as close to canon as I can) come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I See Your Face Before Me". You can hear the song as played by the John Coltrane on YouTube.

watch?v=BC9E-Lii8-M

This song is by Howard Dietz and Arthur Schwartz. There are several performances of this song but the version of it being sung by Johnny Hartman is closest to my heart since John Coltrane collaborated with Johnny Hartman on an album (see my fanfiction "Coltrane from Rick to Kate"). This version is also on YouTube.

watch?v=WBnYcxEkjoo

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

_In a world of glitter and glow_

_In a world of tinsel and show_

_The unreal from the real thing is hard to know_

_I discovered somebody who_

_Could be truly worthy and true_

_Yes, I met my ideal thing when I met you_

* * *

A/N: 1x10 A Death in the Family

Castle finds Beckett in the hospital waiting on word on her ex-boyfriend, FBI agent Will Sorensen. She's sitting, shoulders slumped, head cast down sitting in a chair in the waiting area. As Castle approaches he can tell that she is mentally beating herself after their disastrous meeting with Jimmy "The Rat" Moran.

"You want to talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Beckett responds. "I'm the one who pushed for it, and I'm the one who got Will involved."

Castle, trying to be supportive, sits beside her and continues, "There's no way you could have known this was gonna happen."

"Are you sure about that? Because their vehicle was attacked leaving our meet."

"So?" Castle responds.

"So we were followed," she says disgusted. "Someone who knew about the investigation found out about the meet. We led them to Moran. So yeah, I should've known. And if I were a better cop, I would've."

Castle, trying to knock some sense into Beckett, says almost angrily, "You think this is your fault? Yeah, you pushed for it, not because it's your job, but because you care. Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go. You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary."

She looks over at him with glistening eyes, almost as if to thank him for his pep talk. Then, beyond Castle, she sees Ryan approach.

Almost breathless, Ryan says, "He's gonna make it. He's gonna be okay."

Beckett then sighs relieved.

* * *

Castle made his way back to the hospital after calling Esposito to find where Beckett was. Following the meeting with Dr. Clark Murray, he didn't want to talk to Beckett except for face-to-face. As he approached the hospital room, Castle could hear Beckett and Sorensen talking and laughing.

"No, you didn't. Stop making me laugh," Will said.

"Oh, come on. It's not like you've been shot or something," Beckett teased.

"I thought you were over sprinkles."

Messing with the frosting on the donut, Beckett says, "Maybe not."

"Mmm."

Castle knocks on the door.

"It's the writer monkey. What is he still doing here? Haven't you finished your book yet?"

"Last chapter," said Castle. Turning to Beckett he says, "Do you have a sec?"

"Yeah."

"Watch it, Kate. He likes you."

Beckett turns and says to Castle, "You'll have to forgive him. He is heavily medicated."

Beckett gets up and follows Castle out of the room.

Turning to Castle, Beckett says, "You look awfully serious. Is everything okay?"

Castle says seriously, "Take a seat."

"What?"

"Sit down," Castle says forcefully.

"Castle, what's going on?" Beckett asks.

"It's about your mother."

A stunned Beckett steps back and sits down.

"What did you do?" Beckett hissed, her voice dripping with venom.

"I showed your mother's case to a forensic pathologist I know. He's helped me with Derrick Storm."

"What did you do?" Beckett hissed again even more angrily.

"Beckett, he found something."

"No! No! You don't get to do this. You don't get to stir up my mother's case." Beckett said angrily trying to keep her voice down. The nurses as the floor station were starting to notice the pair. One nurse had already made a move toward them.

"Beckett …"

"No!" Beckett interrupted. "No! I told you not to touch her case and you did anyway, Castle."

"Beckett …"

She interrupted again, "NO! DO. NOT. SAY. ANOTHER. WORD."

"Beckett, please."

"Castle!"

Castle sadly nods.

Beckett angrily gets up and starts to walk away from Castle.

Stopping, without turning to Castle, she says in a barely controlled fury, "I'll thank you to give the file back. I'll send Esposito over to get it from you. Then I expect to never hear from you again. Understood?"

"Beckett, I made copies. I didn't keep the original."

"I don't care. I don't want you to have it," Beckett hissed. "So you'll give it to Esposito and I never hear from you again."

"Yes," Castle sadly responds. "I understand."

He watches her leave without trying to follow her. Castle sits down in the chair Beckett recently vacated and puts his head in his hands.

"I ruined it," Castle thought. "The first woman in a long time that isn't with me for my money or my status. An ideal woman, intelligent and drop dead gorgeous and I drive her away. Great job, Rick, great job."

Waiting a while longer so he doesn't have to withstand Beckett's wrath again, he looks around the floor. The normal bustle of the nurse's station had returned after the scene that Beckett and he made.

He hopes that no one recognized him to sell the story to the scandal sheets, more for Beckett's sake than his. He is a regular subject of 'page 6' articles but she is almost obsessed with her privacy. He decides to check with Paula to kill any article about them.

Believing everything has quieted down, he decides to leave. He dejectedly walks past the nurse's station and continues toward the elevator. Castle pulls out his phone to give his mother the news, that unfortunately he was right. Telling her was the end of them. He opens his contacts list on his phone, hitting the wrong button, Beckett's contact information pops up with the more pleasing picture of the stunning woman's face with her gorgeous eyes. Debating whether he should delete the contact or not, he finally decides that he wants to keep it for the pleasant memories.

Reaching the elevator, he jabs the call button as if it would make it come faster. As he waits, his heart breaks.

He enters the elevator, trying to wipe the last image of Beckett's face from his memory. He wants to remember a more pleasant visage not the livid look she had. But that last vision stays with him and kills him slowly as the elevator doors close.

* * *

_I see your face before me_

_You are my only dream_

_There is your face before me_

_You are my only theme_

* * *

A/N: 4x01 Rise

It had been a beautiful summer day in the Hamptons. Rick and Alexis had spent much of the day by the pool or down at the beach. Alexis's friend Paige had been there earlier in the week but left today with her parents for their European family vacation.

Rick and Alexis went down to one of their family's favorite restaurants to have some pizza for dinner. Alexis was becoming more aware of her father's moods and realized that he had been less cheerful than his usual self. While they collected some seashells she could see the melancholy in his eyes.

Alexis had her suspicions about the reason. It was fairly obvious. She had witnessed the worst day of her dad's life. The day that Detective Beckett was shot.

She had been worried for a long time about her father's almost obsession with following Detective Beckett. She thought he had enough research for a dozen books. She asked her grandmother about the time her father did research for his previous books like Derrick Storm.

"_Your father has never spent this much time researching a book," Martha told her. "I think he spent maybe 9 months doing CIA research for Derrick Storm. Certainly not three years."_

So Alexis decided to spend most of her summer with her father. She felt that if she kept him entertained for most of the summer, perhaps he would be done with the NYPD, with Detective Beckett.

While Rick usually would agree that Alexis would make the good decisions between them, he was still happy that she decided to spend most of her summer with him instead of with her friends. This fall she will be a high school senior and soon after she would be off to college and he would only see her rarely, only on holidays if she went to Stanford.

He was happy that she was keeping him busy. Busy so he couldn't think about Beckett. But at night, in the quiet, in the stillness in his bed, he descended into sadness. His writer's mind would think out worst case scenarios.

The people who had shot her at Montgomery's funeral had successfully completed their mission. Their mission to kill Beckett.

The guys were keeping him informed from time to time. He would hear things third and fourth hand on how she was doing. She was keeping in touch with Lanie, or her dad was. So he knew his worst case scenario was not fulfilled yet.

But still, in the quiet moments, his imagination went wild.

Would the forces that shot her try again? Would they be successful in their next attempt? It was only a matter of time before they tried again.

Yeah, this was a case of the curse of Castle's writer's imagination.

His imagination had a worst case scenario, but his heart had one too.

DMB would finally realize the extraordinary woman he had as a girlfriend. His heart was afraid that Josh would quit his futile quest for world health travelling hither and yon and would finally dive in to the relationship with Beckett and her with him. The relationship that Rick wanted, no craved, with Kate Beckett. He resigned himself to let her go if she was happy. But it didn't mean that he would like it.

When he had those nightmares, he would try to go to sleep remembering the more happy times over the past three years.

The smiles she gave him when he brought her coffee. Grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla.

The feelings he had when they were building theory and they had that shared brain thing going. Almost like a 'Vulcan mind meld.'

When they'd say something simultaneously, like 'I know who the killer is!' and see the look on her face.

The interrogation room where they would play ping-pong with the suspect. They traded whom would get the suspect to break. Yeah, he felt so good the first time when he got that arrogant kid, Brandon to break. The pleased look on her face. Yeah, those were happy times.

But now, he had his nightmares. He still could see her chestnut hair in that bun on the grass, the life leaving her eyes as she bled out from the sniper's bullet. The tear rolling down her cheek. The look on her face as she was dying.

Yeah, that was the face he mostly saw. Her face in the ghostly repose of death.

* * *

_If you could share the magic_

_If you could see me too_

_There would be nothing tragic_

_In all my dreams of you_

* * *

A/N: 4:01 Rise

"How are you feeling, Katie?" Jim Beckett asked his daughter.

"Okay, Dad," Kate answered. "It's been nice to be out of the hospital."

"Breakfast? No coffee, though."

Kate growled.

"You know with your medications, you can't have caffeine for another month or so."

Kate glowered at her father.

"Your mother used to give me that look, too. You learned your lesson well," Jim teased his daughter.

Kate sighed, exasperated.

"I'll fix you some eggs and ham. Something better than those powdered eggs from the hospital."

"Thanks, Dad."

Later, after the breakfast was consumed, Jim asked, "Do you want to do anything today, Katie? Something with your new found freedom? You've been cooped up here at home for almost a week."

"I don't know Dad. I was getting a little claustrophobic being stuck in that hospital room. I'm starting to feel it here, too. We could go out if you like."

"Well, the new Woody Allen movie is out."

"New Woody Allen movie?"

"Yeah. 'Midnight in Paris.' I thought you didn't want to see one of those super hero blockbuster movies and all the others sound a little insipid to me. And you know how much I like Woody's movies. I've wanted to go see it. I was hoping you'd keep me company."

"Yeah. I know how much you quote 'Play it Again Sam'. And then you told me that the title is never said in 'Casablanca'."

"Yup. Well? Are you game?"

"Sure Dad. Let's go."

* * *

Gingerly Kate sat down in the comfy chair in the theater. The pre-show video was mostly completed. Getting comfy, Kate starts on her drink. She is avoiding the popcorn for the time being although the smell is very enticing. After the movie trailers finished, the lights dimmed for the feature.

The movie starts with multiple scenes of Paris during the day. Woody Allen's scenes through the city almost like a lover gazing at his woman after a round of passion. The Sidney Bechet's clarinet playing jazz as the musical backdrop to the opening.

The movie starts with Owen Wilson's character Gil discussing Paris with his fiancée, Inez. Gil loves Paris and wonders how wonderful Paris is in the rain. Gil mentions that it would be exciting to go back in time to the '20s Paris. Lost in the filmmaker's work, Kate suspended disbelief in the time travel magic. As the movie continued to unfold she remembered something Castle said.

"_Because. If you don't believe in even the possibility of magic, you'll never ever find it."_

As the church bell rings midnight, an old car with some people pulls up beside Gil. He gets in finding out he has been taken to a, what he thinks, is a costume party with a theme of 1920's Paris. As they arrive at the party he finds F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. Later he meets Hemmingway. As she continued to watch, Kate could almost hear Castle saying things like Hemmingway. About truth and good writing. And love. If he lived back then, she thinks that Castle would be friends with Hemmingway.

In her mind she starts to superimpose Castle's face on Hemmingway. The scruffy Castle at the beginning, when she arrested him at the 'Storm Fall' book launch party. How egotistical he was at the beginning. How he was almost an arrogant force of nature like Hemmingway is in the film.

She watches as Gil continues to struggle with his feelings for his fiancée, Inez and what is happening to him and Kate commiserates. She struggles with her sentiments for Castle and how broken she believes she is.

The second night at midnight, an old car pulls up, Gil gets in and Hemmingway is inside to take Gil and his book draft to Gertrude Stein. In the car, Gil and Hemmingway continue their previous night's dialog on truth and life. The scene continues with Hemmingway says something at the end that is like a knife to Kate's heart.

"You'll never write well if you fear dying," Hemmingway says to Gil. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I do. I'd say it's probably my greatest fear, actually," Gil answers.

"Well, it's something all men before you have done. And all men will do."

"I know, I know."

"Have you ever made love to a truly great woman?"

"Actually, my fiancée is pretty sexy," Gil responds.

"And when you make love to her you feel true and beautiful passion and you, at least for that moment, lose your fear of death?"

"No," Gil says sadly. "That doesn't happen."

"I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death," Hemmingway explains. "All cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face, like some rhino hunters I know or Belmonte, who is truly brave, it is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds. Until it returns, as it does to all men. And then you must make really good love again. Think about it."

Thinking about it, tears start to fall and Kate starts to sob, realizing that she is a coward because she doesn't love well, that she never has. Her walls she has fashioned around herself, around her heart, have prevented anyone from loving her and her loving them. Her 'keeping one foot out the door' has kept everyone at bay.

And she's a coward because she knows that if she dives in with Castle it will be all in. All or nothing. He will smash down those walls. It will be love with a capital 'L'. It will be passionate, because that is all Castle can do. He knows no other way with her. She sees it now. It's staring her in the face that he doesn't follow her for the books anymore, it hasn't been that for a while. It's because he loves her with a passion that pushes death out of his mind. Why would he try to save her? Jump in front of a bullet meant for her?

"Katie, are you okay?" her father asks.

In between sobs she says, "I'm okay, Dad. Just the movie is sad."

"Do you want to leave?"

"No, no. Let's stay."

The movie continues about nostalgia and life and love. Then Gil and Picasso's mistress, Adriana get whisked back to 1890's Paris and Adriana wants to stay in 'Belle Epoque' but Gil wants to go back to his time.

He explains to Adriana, "Because if you stay here and this becomes your present, soon or later you'll imagine another time was really the golden time. And so will I – I'm beginning to see why it can't work, Adriana. The present has a hold on you because it's your present and while there's never any progress in the most important things, you get to appreciate – what little progress is made – the internet – Pepto-Bismol. The present is always going to seem unsatisfying because life itself is unsatisfying – that's why Gauguin goes back and forth between Paris and Tahiti, searching. It's my job as a writer to try and come up with reasons why despite life being tragic and unsatisfying, it's still worth it."

Adriana says to Gil something that Kate could hear herself saying to Castle, "That's the problem with writers. You are so full of words."

Gil goes back to his present and breaks it off with Inez realizing that he wasn't in love with her and she was having an affair with their friend, Paul.

The movie completes with Gil and a girl he met earlier, Gabrielle, in the rain walking away from the camera. The credits roll. The house lights come up.

"Katie?"

A somewhat dumbfounded and sedate Kate Beckett sits in her seat, staring at the now darkened screen. A tear slowly goes down her cheek. She thinks about what life is and why it's still worth it. It may be worth it to dive in with Castle.

"Katie? Are you okay?"

"Oh. Oh. Sorry, Dad," Kate says wiping the tear. "I guess I was lost in thought."

"Sometimes Woody does that to you."

"Thinking about love and truth. And death."

"I hope not too much about death. We've had more than enough of that for a while," Jim says in a gallows humor way.

"Yeah."

"But love and truth? We can never get too much of that, can we?"

"No, Dad, we can't."

* * *

_It doesn't matter where you are_

_I can see how fair you are_

_I close my eyes and there you are_

_Always_

* * *

A/N: 4x11 'Til Death Do Us Part

"Good Morning, Richard," Martha said to her son.

"Good Morning, Mother," Rick responded. "How was the Lady Gaga concert? Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Well, her music is not my cup of tea. But Alexis seemed to enjoy herself. This boy, JD, was very attentive to Alexis. I think she is finally over Ashley."

"Well after that long distance break-up she's been kinda moping around for a while." Rick agreed.

"So what about you, mother? Or should I ask?"

"You know a lady never tells. But I will say that John and JD were perfect gentlemen. They both were very attentive to us even though they had familial duties to attend."

"So were there a number of people at the charity function?"

"A few, some young people Alexis's age but for the most part people your age. You know the type, intellectual but only enough to be a little dangerous. Looking to be seen at the right places, the right parties."

"Sorta like you, mother."

"Pish posh. You know I only go to those things if it is a theater party. Everything else is boring. Each person telling how wonderful their house is or their European vacation was or their new car or whatever. No intellectual discussions, plays seen, good books read, the classics … and yours of course Richard."

"Mother, are you telling me the closest these people get to Kafka is when they kill a cockroach?"

"Interesting way of putting it."

The pair doesn't notice Alexis until she says, "Interesting way of putting what?"

"Mother was telling me about the soiree last night. What did you think, Pumpkin?"

"I had a wonderful time. JD danced with me most of the night. He made me feel like a princess for one night. Made me forget 'he who shall not be named.' He even got me backstage to talk with Lady Gaga."

"Wow, sounds like you had fun. I'm glad for you, Pumpkin."

"Thanks, Dad. Oh, how was the wedding? Was Beckett there?"

"Yes, she was. Esposito was there with a date and Lanie was with a date, too."

"Didn't Dr. Parish and Esposito just break up?" Alexis asked.

"Yes, they did. But it looked like it was amicable."

"Well, go on," Martha interjected.

"Jenny was a beautiful bride. The wedding party looked fantastic. Bridesmaids dresses weren't some hideous monstrosity inflicted on her poor friends. They looked like something you could wear out again at some formal function."

Martha and Alexis gave him a look.

"I may not be a fashionista like you two, but I do know a little something about women's dresses."

"Ooh, Dad! TMI!"

"Not like that, research for my novels. Like 'Death of a Prom Queen', remember?"

"Ooh. I need to go. Paige and I need to study." Alexis said kissing her father's cheek. "I'll see you later."

"Okay, Pumpkin. Have fun."

Both Martha and Rick watch as Alexis leaves the loft. Then Martha turns and says to her son, "And how was the reception?"

"We all had a great time. One of Jenny's friends caught the bouquet. But to her horror, the best man caught the garter."

"The 16 year-old mathlete? Oh, I'm sure they did something."

"It was sorta funny. All the single men were lined up across and the best man was at one end. Kevin threw the garter and it hit the kid right in the chest. He caught it instinctually. He was very embarrassed. So they just continued on. No putting the garter on the bouquet girl."

"Did you dance much?"

"Since I was one of the groomsmen, I did one dance with one of the bridesmaids. Jenny once, Lanie once."

"Uhuh. And where was Katherine all this time? You didn't dance with her at all?"

Castle smiled with the memory, "She took pity on me and agreed to be my plus one. So we danced together several times."

Martha gave him a look.

"Okay, I wasn't counting. But we did spend most of the night together. She couldn't dance the night away though. She's still recovering from her shooting."

"And you monopolized her time where no other suitor could have a chance?"

"She didn't seem to mind my attention."

"I would probably agree. She does seem to be at least tolerant of your presence."

"Tolerant, Mother?"

"Well, I don't want to over inflate your already overinflated ego, but …"

"But?"

"Well … maybe I'm wrong, but I thought I saw some affection in her eyes when she found us in the bank a few weeks ago."

Rick closed his eyes remembering the look that Beckett gave him. He opened his eyes and looked again at his mother. Trying for subterfuge, he responded, "Affection?"

"Richard, you are surrounded by women and yet you seem to be totally clueless when it comes to the fairer sex."

"Something every man is guilty of."

"Well, I thought I taught you better."

"But affection, mother?"

"Well, perhaps I don't know Katherine as well as you. Maybe it was relief that you were okay. Thankful that someone who has done much for her was unharmed. I mean you have done a lot for her haven't you?"

"Well, I suppose."

"Richard, this is your mother speaking. Self-depreciation is unbecoming when you mother knows all the details."

"Mother, I …"

"Richard, you have saved her life, I think you said, 9 times over the time you've been shadowing Katherine. Not to mention saving a good portion of Manhattan almost a year ago. And haven't you spent upwards of a quarter million dollars on her?"

"Mother …"

"I won't quibble about the exact figure, and it's your money."

"Thank you for remembering that."

"And you declared your love for her, admittedly very poor timing on your part, which she doesn't remember, right?"

"Right."

"And you have dedicated two of your most recent books to her?"

Puffing out his chest, "Yes, I have. And bestsellers, I may add."

"Darling, maybe I misread her and her affection for you. But don't you think you've monopolized Katherine's time enough? Don't you think you've done enough? Don't you think you've spent enough? Time and time again you have very clearly demonstrated your extreme affection for this woman. Only another clueless man would not be able to fathom your demonstrations. Yet she apparently hasn't responded. In fact during the time you been 'shadowing' Katherine, she's taken up with two other men that you know of. Maybe she's not interested in a relationship with you and is trying to let you down easy yet you stubbornly stay with her. It may be time to cut your losses, kiddo."

"She's still in danger, Mother. While it is still in my power to keep her safe, I will. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I left her now. I need to keep her away from it. To keep the deal going."

"Richard, keeping this 'deal' from Katherine will someday explode in your face. She will eventually discover this deal and it is very likely you will not be happy with the result."

* * *

_Would that my love could haunt you so_

_Knowing, knowing I want you so_

_I can't erase_

_Your beautiful face before me._

* * *

A/N: 6x22 Veritas

Beckett strode into the bull pen noting that her team had beat her in. She was actually glad that Ryan and Esposito had beat her in this morning. It was Castle's fault she was late though. She was wearing a sleep shirt he had bought her that said 'Make Me Late for Work' and he decided to oblige. Castle noted that it looked really good on the floor. She smiled thinking of the recent activities and then quickly changed her demeanor. JFL (Just F***ed Look) would not be a good facial expression for what she needed to do. As she put her purse and jacket on her desk, she changed to an 'angry Beckett' look.

As she approached the pair, she heard them talking.

"Did you see the look on Bracken's face as we took him to booking?" Esposito asked Ryan. "That was worth the trip to D.C."

Ryan looked up and noticed Beckett first when she walked over to the pair.

"Banker's hours, Beckett? Or did you and Castle celebrate a bit much?"

Leaning down, Beckett said in a quiet but very firm tone, "Javier Esposito! Conference room! Now!"

"Yes, boss." Esposito said as he looked to Ryan for help.

"Ryan, sit," Beckett said pointing to his chair as Kevin looked to follow them into the conference room.

Beckett went around the conference room shutting the blinds. She turned to Esposito as he pulled out a chair, "Stand."

"Yes boss."

Satisfied that the blinds were shut and no one could see into the conference room. Beckett started.

"Javi, what were you thinking?"

"What? Huh? I don't know. Did Lanie say something? It's just Lanie and I were celebrating your collar of Bracken and …"

"Castle rolled on you. He told me everything."

"What? What did he tell you? I'm gonna kill him. Whatever it is, you need to hear my side first."

Beckett continued with her firm voice. "You are not going to hide behind Castle, Esposito. You're going to get what's coming to you."

* * *

_Lying in bed at the loft the morning after the exhausting day in D.C., Beckett turned to her fiancée, "That was nice."_

"_Yeah, that's my kind of celebration and morning wake up," Rick said as he kissed her._

_Beckett had a sated smile on her face. _

"_You're glowing, Beckett. I love looking at your beautiful face when you're glowing like this after sex."_

_Beckett ponders how to ask the question and then dives in, "Rick, babe, I need you to tell me something."_

"_Anything," Rick pleasantly answered still in the afterglow._

_Kissing him, Beckett continues seriously, "This is a big thing, so I need you to do this for me no matter what."_

"_Okay, this doesn't involve any pain does it?" Castle teasingly asked._

_Giggling Beckett answers, "Probably not."_

"_If you want something else for the wedding, you can have it. I just want you to be happy." Castle said as he pulled her toward him for a hug._

"_Well, this will make me happy but it isn't for the wedding."_

_Pulling away, looking at her face, Castle started to get worried, "This doesn't involve Alexis does it? Did she tell you something? She isn't getting back with Pi?"_

"_No, it doesn't involve Alexis. And I would only keep something from you if it wasn't dangerous for her. And don't worry, she's not getting back with Pi. That ship has sailed."_

"_Okay."_

"_So you'll tell me?"_

"_Scout's honor."_

"_Castle, you never were a scout."_

"_Do you prefer a pinkie promise?" Castle said extending out his pinkie finger._

"_Not necessary," Beckett chuckled._

"_Okay, what do you want to know?"_

"_Who gave you the file?"_

"_What file?"_

"_Don't 'what file' me, Castle. You know what file. My mother's case file."_

"_Oh, that file."_

"_Yes, that file."_

"_I promised them that I would never tell you."_

_Beckett gives him her patented glare. _

_Cringing, Castle says, "Beckett, even naked you are intimidating."_

_Keeping silent, she continues to glare at him._

"_Beckett, I promised. And if I said anything I was told I would bleed."_

"_Whose wrath do you want, theirs or mine?"_

"_Point taken. But, this means I need to go into witness protection."_

"_Castle!"_

"_It was Javi."_

* * *

Esposito was backing away from Beckett thinking of how he can safely get away from Beckett. He may have faced some intense situations when he was in the military, nothing compares to Kate Beckett on a rampage.

"Letting a civilian free down in the archives? And then letting Castle look at my mother's case file? Do you have any idea what would have happened to Castle or to you if someone found him alone down in the archives? Montgomery would have hell to pay. He would have had to suspend you and kick Castle out permanently. Even now, if Gates find's out, she'll have enough ammo for sure."

"Beckett, I'm sorry. He convinced me that he could do something. He …"

"Espo, quit while you're ahead."

"Quitting."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I …"

"Javi!"

Esposito sighs but remains silent.

"This means there is only one thing to do."

"Beckett. Please."

Beckett nears Esposito and gives him a big bear hug. Shocked, at first Esposito doesn't know what to do and then he slowly puts his arms around Beckett.

"Thank you, Javi." Beckett says almost crying.

"You're welcome, Kate."

* * *

A/N: I can't believe that Beckett wouldn't find out who gave the case file to Castle. And I believe she would be very grateful but she would want to tweak Esposito.

Thanks for Reading!


	12. Stardust

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Stardust". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Stardust" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=TeFeLaEsHBs

This song is by Mitchell Parish and Hoagy Carmichael. A version of it being sung by "The Velvet Fog", Mel Torme is also on YouTube.

watch?v=3s1YVwGCgik

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

A/N: 8x05 The Nose

Rick took Kate's NYPD t-shirt and breathed in her scent. He missed her so much. She felt so warm and comfortable when she hugged him earlier today. He could still smell the faint cherry aroma of her hair in the t-shirt.

Rick gently, reverently folded the shirt and placed it back on his bed. Their bed. The bed he was supposed to share with his wife, his muse, his always. But she wasn't there and hadn't been there at the loft in over a month.

A month of worry for Rick. A month of "is she still alive." A month of "will the mercenaries find her and kill her." A month of "will she ever be here with me again." A month of gloom, despair and anguish.

Rick Castle had always been a hopeful man, a cheerful man, but now with his heart breaking, he could find little hope, little cheer. His wife had left him and didn't tell him why.

He looked around their room. Their room. The loft wasn't his anymore. It was theirs. And without her there it felt cold, forbidding, impassive.

Previously he had turned on all the lights in the loft to try to dispel the loft's emptiness. But the light only made the shadows clearer, stark and closer to his ever present writer's imagination.

So he knew that no light would help now. The only thing left to do was to listen to her favorite artist, Coltrane. Like Beckett reading her mother's books to feel closer to her, Castle picked up a Coltrane album to listen to, to feel closer to Beckett.

The first one he touched had a high contrast black and white picture of John Coltrane holding his sax that was topped by his name and the album title, "Stardust."

He put the album on the turntable and sat down on the couch to listen. To listen and to think.

* * *

_And now the purple dusk of twilight time_

_Steals across the meadows of my heart_

_High up in the sky the little stars climb_

_Always reminding me that we're apart_

_You wander down the lane and far away_

_Leaving me a song that will not die_

_Love is now the stardust of yesterday_

_The music of the years gone by._

* * *

"Richard!"

Martha's heels click on the hardwood floor in her son's apartment while her jewelry tinkled from her movements. Clicking and tinkling, she proceeds from the entry to the bedroom. Dreading but knowing what she may find and hoping she doesn't, Martha opens the door to his bedroom. She's glad to find that her son is alone.

"Richard! It's time to get up."

"Mother," Rick Castle says, his face buried in his pillow. "It's too early to get up."

"Nonsense, Richard, it is after noon."

"My point exactly, Mother."

"Really?"

"Yes. Now let me go back to sleep."

"Richard," an exasperated Martha says. "May I remind you what today is?"

"What, Mother? What is today?" Rick asks irritated.

"It's your birthday. Happy Birthday, Richard."

"Thank you, Mother, but I'm really not in the mood for celebrating."

"Well, Paula and Gina may have something to say about that."

"Really?" Castle says annoyed. "Mother, they work for me. Not the other way around."

"Yes, but …"

"Mother, there is no 'yes, but' in it. I'm their employer, I'm not their employee."

"Richard, they combined your birthday with a book launch party. Or did you forget?"

"I was trying to forget." Castle says as he buries himself into his bed.

"Richard Alexander Rodgers! Get up!" Martha exclaims as she pulls the comforter and sheets down off of her now groaning son.

"Mother, you know that isn't my name anymore," Castle says as he sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes.

"Well, I haven't got used to your new name. I still don't understand why you changed it. It is a perfectly good name."

"Mother," Castle answers. "We've been over this before. I didn't want to be accused of getting by on your name. And, more importantly, I didn't want to be confused with a famous musical playwright. Okay?"

"Well, I guess you're right," she responds. "Still, you need to get up and get dressed. Gina and Paula want you ready for your photoshoot before the party. You're on a schedule, so let's get to it!"

Castle trudges to the en suite to prepare for his day.

Martha leaves the bedroom to prepare some coffee for her son as she hears the shower start. She knows that he is hopeless unless he is fully caffeinated. She starts the coffee maker and then scans the room. Clothes are on the floor and scattered around the room on the furniture, some obviously not his. Martha picks up a pretty but inexpensive bra.

"This is way too small to fit Richard, thank goodness," she thinks. "He doesn't seem the 'La Cage aux Folles' type."

She starts to pick up the clothes around the room, sorting them into what is obviously his and obviously not. Luckily, as far as Martha is concerned, the "obviously not" pile is relatively small. However, there are a couple of different bra sizes in the collection. She picks each one up with trepidation not knowing what germ or other substance may be on them. One of them is clearly a young woman's panty that has an obvious stain that probably came from something Martha really did not want to think about. That one she kicked into the "obviously not" pile.

Finishing her dirty clothes collection, she hears the coffee maker sputter its last indicating the brew is complete. She clicks her way to the kitchen to find a ceramic mug for Richard's caffeine injection. She notes that the sink is full of dishes, mostly wine glasses and coffee mugs, some of which apparently have been there for a while.

"I am not Richard's maid," she thinks leaving the mountain of dishes alone.

Opening the refrigerator, she finds a more than adequate selection of flavored creamers. She picks one and turns to the cup she filled. As she stirs in the creamer, she hears the shower stop. She stirs in a small amount of sugar and then proceeds to take a sip. Humming her enjoyment, she pours a second cup for her son, leaving out the sugar and creamer. Like her, he can be particular about the additions to his coffee.

She sees, off to one side, a box opened but seemingly full of books. They are all the same book, her son's latest offering, "Flowers for Your Grave." She picks one from the box and reads the blurbs and synopsis.

Hearing her son emerge from his room, she says, "Richard, is this your new book?

"Yes, Mother," Rick responds. "I haven't been lazing around all the time."

Martha raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, part of the time, but it's finished and today we have a party to celebrate," Castle continues, a smile on his face that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Richard, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you haven't been yourself for the past several months. Since … since Kyra left for London."

"Yeah, well, I've gotten better since I threw myself into the book," Rick says trying to deflect.

"Richard, look at me," Martha says as she grabs his head and turns it to look her in the eye. "A mother can tell when her child is hurting. Richard, it's okay to grieve after the loss of a loving relationship."

"Mother."

"Yes, you threw yourself into this book to hide your pain. And now that the book is out, you have nothing left to think about but your loss. I get that. I really do. And grieving is part of the process. But Richard, self-destruction is not the answer."

"Mother, please. I'm an adult now."

"That's debatable."

"Mother. Stop."  
"Alright, I'll stop. But I ask a favor in return."  
"How much is it going to cost me, Mother?"

"No. No dinner at La Cirque. I want you to meet someone."

"Someone?"

"Well, you let me invite a few cast members of the play I'm in now. There's one I'd like you to meet. Her name is Meredith and she is cute, vivacious and I think you two might get along well. So I expect you to be on your best behavior and show her a good time. Okay, kiddo?"

"Okay, Mother."

As Coltrane's somber tenor saxophone plays on the stereo, Rick remembered that time just before he met Meredith at his book launch party. Where he was still wallowing in self-pity and despair after the collapse of his relationship with Kyra. Then, just like now, he is despairing over a woman leaving him, "needing space", but this time it's his wife Kate leaving him.

"Just another case of a woman not defying her demons," Rick thinks. "Kyra's demon was her mother. Kate's demon is her sense of justice bordering on a crusade for her mother."

Taking another sip of scotch, feeling the burn on his throat, he muses, "After being so down, I made a poor decision by getting together with Meredith that results in something great, Alexis."

"I don't think I'll get a second chance that is so lucky," Rick thinks. "No quick decisions anytime soon. Other than I can't sleep at the loft until Kate comes back."

* * *

_Sometimes I wonder, how I spend_

_The lonely nights_

_Dreaming of a song_

_The melody _

_Haunts my reverie_

_And I am once again with you_

_When our love was new _

_And each kiss an inspiration_

_But that was long ago_

_And now my consolation is in the stardust of a song_

* * *

A/N 8x05 The Nose

Kate looks down on her left hand, the simple band on her ring finger. The ring that seems almost pointless now.

She left him. She left her husband of less than a year. She left him without telling him why. She left Rick telling him she needed space, a time-out.

Beckett felt that if she told him why, then he would become a target and be killed. She felt that she couldn't live in a world without Rick in it.

So she risks all that she has worked for, all that she desires for … what? For justice? She's sure but she's not sure at the same time.

If Bracken's ex organization would kill her former team because of a severely redacted memo, what would they do if someone found out more? Scorched earth, perhaps?

She looks away from her hand and stares up at the ceiling thinking of another time where she was separated from Rick. And it was because he investigated something she told him not to.

* * *

A/N: 1x10 A Death in the Family

Castle and Beckett get up and start to walk toward the elevator to chase down another lead. Turning to Beckett, he says, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Since when do you ask permission to ask questions?"

"It's about your mother's case."

Beckett stops walking and faces Castle. She looks at him with a shocked look.

"Have you ever thought about ... Reopening it?"

"What are you doing?"

Castle responds, "Nothing. I just thought if we worked together …"

"No," Beckett says firmly.

"I have resources."

"Castle, you touch my mom's case, and you and I are done. Do you understand?"

"Okay."

The pair starts walking again.

Castle continues, "Why don't you want to investigate it?

She stops walking and faces him again. Her look is almost unbridled fury.

With gritted teeth she answers, "Same reason a recovering alcoholic doesn't drink. You don't think I haven't been down there? You don't think I haven't memorized every line in that file? My first three years on the force, every off-duty moment was spent looking for something someone missed. It took me a year of therapy to realize if I didn't let it go, it was gonna destroy me. And so I let it go."

Beckett then turns and walks away, into the elevator.

Castle follows her and says, "Sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah, well, now you do."

* * *

"And he investigated it anyway," Beckett thinks. "And even if I tell him not to investigate this, to stay as far away as possible, he'll investigate anyway."

Then she remembers that summer, when she sent him away afterward. How she was so angry at him. And frustrated with him. But he found something, his resources was able to find a clue that led to everything that followed up to her arrest of Bracken.

And now it has led to this.

This forced separation. This divide, this partition between them keeping them apart. This loneliness that she has is almost too much to bear. Seeing him, touching him in that too brief hug to know that he was safe.

Holding his shirt. Wallowing in the scent of Castle. His cologne, his soap, his shave crème, everything that screams Castle is there.

Part of it makes her feel closer to him and part of it makes her feel so alone.

Alone on this quest. Her "Don Quixote" moment.

She thought of that time that she beat him at Scrabble when she put down "quixotic" on the board thinking at the time that he was on a quixotic quest to beat her.

"Ironic," Kate thinks. "Perhaps now it's me on some quixotic quest."

She looks down again at the ring on her finger wondering if the sacrifice is worth it.

"No," she thinks. "They will come for me and I need to be ready. Forewarned is forearmed. I can't take the chance that Castle will be caught in the crossfire. I can't drag him into this investigation."

She pauses and thinks about the last time she kissed him. She kissed him as she walked out the door of the loft.

Touching her lips she convinces herself, "It's better for him to be hating me and be alive than to be loving me and be dead."

* * *

_Besides the garden wall, when stars are bright_

_You are in my arms_

_The nightingale _

_Tells his fairytale_

_Of paradise, where roses grew_

_Though I dream in vain_

_In my heart it will remain_

_My stardust melody_

_The memory of love's refrain._

* * *

/N 8x08 Mr. and Mrs. Castle

After a fitful night's sleep, Beckett rises to prepare for the day. Another day at the office while trying to "unofficially" solve the Loksat case with Vikram.

Beckett turns on her coffee maker with the special blend that Castle had found for her. The aroma fills the small kitchen in the hide-out that she has taken refuge.

She continues to her shower as an "ear worm" fills her mind.

_ And I don't even know how I survive_

_ I won't make it to the shore without your light_

_ No I don't even know if I'm alive_

_ Oooohhh without you now_

_ This is what it feels like …_

They enjoyed a night at a dance club and heard this song. Rick managed to find it and put it on her iPhone.

She had liked always liked "trance" style of EDM and Armin Van Buuren especially, but now this song just stabbed her in the heart.

"Ironic," Kate thought. "He put this song on because I liked it. Now it taunts me."

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

In her mind's eye she could see herself 5 years ago when he walked out of the precinct with his ex-wife Gina. How devastated she was then.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

That day at the New Amsterdam Bank and Trust when the bomb went off and she thought that Castle was in the explosion.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

Then the car crash on their wedding day. She crawled down to the car first to try to save him. When the fire was too much she plopped herself down in the gully beside the car engulfed in flames.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

She took the 20 minutes to do her hair while she thought. She could almost do the whole thing in her sleep now. It was part of her armor, her captain's uniform. Her hair, her suit, her heels, her holster, her gun … all this was her armor, her modern day knight's uniform. The last thing she put on was the coat-of-arms, her shield … her NYPD badge.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

Beckett walks out into the grey twilight dawn of another day. Another day separated from her husband.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

The click, click, click of her power heels is the only thing she hears in the alleyway before she reaches the street. She turns and walks the block to the stairway to the subway, no hailing a cab from this area, still traceable. Her metro card paid for with cash makes it less likely that she can be traced to Vikram and her safe house.

Beckett stood on the platform waiting for the train to come, her mind blank staring at the advertisements on the opposite wall. She chuckles sadly to herself thinking that she was "zombie like" this morning and how Castle would bring it up.

Castle.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

The next train pulled up and she entered the open doors to take her downtown to the 12th. The car was fairly full for an early morning trek to the precinct. She looked around at the other early morning denizens of the subway car in her immediate vicinity.

A business man in his power suit reading the "Wall Street Journal".

The white man with dreadlocks and his iPod earbuds bouncing his head to the beat of the music.

The fashionable black woman seated at the extreme end of the car staring out at the lights passing the subway car window.

The swaying of the car made her bump into the "Wall Street Journal" man, but neither said a thing. That was the way it was for New Yorkers, the subway had no shame in making people invade another's personal space, so they regularly ignored it.

The "Wall Street Journal" man had noticed her at first but then turned to his reading very shortly after. She saw that the last thing he noticed was the ring on her finger.

_ This is what it feels like …_

_ The memory of love's refrain._

Looking down at her finger she wonders if she even deserves to wear that ring. Whether what she has done to Rick has nullified everything.

Then the thought leaves Beckett. She puts on her mask. She becomes the "Beckett of the 12th". The avenging angel from the NYPD who will solve any case … as long as it takes.

* * *

She sat there somewhat dazed. Her next clue, the drug cartel man, Longarzo, was gunned down by Ryan and Esposito trying to protect them all. Beckett wondered when her next clue would come out. A clue to end this Loksat investigation. It was almost like when she gunned down Dick Coonan. Her best clue, the person who kept the information to the next step was killed right in front of her. This time she didn't pull the trigger, but it still felt the same.

She doesn't think about her biggest case. How she struggled for years without coming up with a single clue. How she was stuck and had to pull herself out of the mire. How therapy helped her get beyond her mother's murder.

And then this mystery writer, her mother's favorite, had upset her apple cart. Beckett's well ordered, if lonely, life had been turned upside down by this apparent man-child. He broke down her walls and she broke down his.

To all outside his mother and daughter he looked like a playboy, a nine-year old on a sugar rush, a man-child. But as she got to know Castle better, she found him to be more than met the eye. How she shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Castle wasn't, isn't that man that she read about in the gossip pages. He isn't that man who has some starlet wannabe on his arm that he beds. That was his wall, his façade.

Castle is a loving father and a good son. A caring, protective man of those who he loves.

He was the reason she was able to solve the case. His resources broke the clue. His $100,000 dollar contract, a gift really, got her her mother's killer.

After thinking about their first case, her mother's case, the dirty bomb, her first apartment blown up by the Nikki Heat killer, even the case in D.C., Castle was a key component to her solving each one.

Maybe she would have solved them eventually, but with his help they solved it faster. They got the "story". And the story got them their suspect.

It took Beckett a while, but she finally realized that, no matter what, Castle and she were better together than apart. And if they were together, perhaps, just perhaps she would still be able to protect him from Loksat.

Beckett reached her desk and reviewed the reports left for her from the overnight cases. She reviewed them with half her attention because she knew what she had to do.

She needed to apologize to Castle and hope he would take her back.

Then they would solve this case together.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope that you and yours have a very Happy New Year!


	13. I Love You

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from Coltrane's album "Lush Life". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I Love You". You can hear the song as played by Coltrane on YouTube.

watch?v=MzSVV1sI57g

This song is written by Cole Porter. A version of it being sung by Bing Crosby is also on YouTube.

watch?v=P-qp5T2urf8

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from dustjackets dot wikifoundry dot com slash page slash Transcripts

* * *

_I love you_

_Hums the April breeze._

_I love you_

_Echo the hills._

* * *

A/N: 3x05 Anatomy of a Murder

Beckett entered the morgue looking for her best friend Lanie. She turned into the examination room that Lanie normally used, finding it empty. The recent case of the doctor in the casket with another corpse was closed and all the bodies released to the loved ones. The doctor's murderer was in holding waiting to be arraigned. Beckett had completed most of the paperwork for the ADA and was meeting Lanie for drinks and a meal.

Beckett's new boyfriend, Dr. Josh Davidson, was on call so he couldn't get away tonight so she asked Lanie to celebrate.

"So, tell me about this new boyfriend, Kate," Lanie asked as the pair walked out of the morgue. "I heard he showed up last week at the precinct."

"Yeah," Beckett said opening the door to the street. "Typical male. Didn't listen to me when I texted him that I would pick him up. So he just showed up."

They walked to a bar a short distance from the morgue window-shopping as they made their way.

"What's his name?" asked Lanie.

"Dr. Josh Davidson."

"So he's a medical doctor?"

"Yeah, heart surgeon."

"Sounds interesting to me. What about you?"

"He rides motorcycles. That's how we met. I was out riding upstate and met him at a biker bar of all places."

"That's different."

"Yeah."

"So he met the "boys"?"

"Yeah."

"How did Castle take it?"

"Okay, I guess. Why?"

"No reason," answered Lanie.

"Lanie."

"Okay. Ryan and Espo think of you as a big sister. Captain Montgomery looks at you like you are a colleague, maybe grooming you to be his replacement. But Castle, well … Castle … just that he doesn't look at you like you're a cop," Lanie answered. "He looks at you like a man who's interested looks at a woman."

"Lanie, he's with Gina now. He isn't interested in me."

"Mmhmm," Lanie answered. "Keep telling yourself that, Kate."

"Oh, come on," Beckett said. "Why would he be interested in some cop? He's a best-selling author who is dating his ex-wife and publisher. And even if they break up, hell, there's a long list of eligible bachelorettes that he could choose from. Remember last year when he was number 9 on the most eligible bachelors? He's not interested in me, Lanie."

"Kate."

Beckett just turned to Lanie and gave her a look that said "Drop it."

"Then let's change the subject," Lanie said shifting gears. "Tell me about the case. From what I heard …"

"From Espo," Kate interrupted.

Lanie glared and then continued, "What I heard was there was some star-crossed lovers in the case."

"Yeah. They wrote each other continually. Castle and I looked at the letters for clues."

* * *

"_These are just love notes," said Beckett. "There's nothing in here about the escape."_

"_Then we have to look at these like a romance novel, not a murder mystery," Castle responded. "These people are baring their souls in these letters and if we're lucky we'll find our Zihuatanejo."_

_Beckett gives him an incredulous look._

_Castle explains, "In "The Shawshank Redemption", Andy was trying …"_

_Beckett interrupts, "No, I know what it is. I'm a cop. I've seen the movie. It's just that there's nothing about that in here. The only thing that Amy talks about is being innocent of the crime she was convicted of and how much she misses Greg."_

"_Yeah, it's pretty clear Greg misses her, too. Listen to this. 'The days without you grow longer, but my love for you grows' …"_

_Beckett interjects, "Stronger?"_

"'_Harder.' A poet he's not." _

"_Yeah well, not everyone is a best-selling crime novelist. And it doesn't mean that their love was any less. Listen to what she wrote to him. 'I can't bear to see you suffer. Make a new life with someone else. Just be happy. If anyone deserves it, it's you.'"_

_Castle searching through the letters he has, "I think I have his response to that. 'I don't believe in much, but I believe in us.' I like this guy. 'And no matter the obstacles, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get rid of me. I love you.'"_

_Castle looks up and they both realize how close they've gotten and what Castle has just said, even if he was just reading. _

"_You're right. These are worthless."_

* * *

Later, walking home from her "Girls Night Out" with Lanie, Kate contemplates the case and Lanie's comment, "He looks at you like a man who is interested looks at you."

"Castle, can't be interested in me. Nah. That's just Lanie trying to be a matchmaker. Or win some precinct pool."

Walking a bit further, she thinks, "He's with Gina now. And I'm with Josh. Nothing is going to happen with Castle. Nothing at all."

* * *

_I love you_

_The golden dawn agrees_

_As once more she sees_

_Daffodils._

* * *

A/N 4x02 Heroes and Villains

"Dammit, Hastings, you could have waited until the elevator doors closed. Why did you have to kiss Paul right when the whole floor could see you?" Beckett thought as she toed off her killer heels.

Beckett dropped the takeout bag of Thai food she picked up at that hole-in-the-wall restaurant Castle found. The fragrant Thai emitted an enjoyable aroma filling her apartment.

"I'm working on being better for Castle and then she kisses Paul right after Castle noted the similarity between us and them. 'A writer and his muse, fighting crime.'"

Unloading the bag and pulling a plate from the sink, she spooned out a portion of the enticing Thai. Her new favorite, from that time when Castle tried to apologize for overstepping, for resurrecting her mother's case. She remembered the gift of food that he brought to the bullpen. How he sheepishly pulled out the different kinds of food trying to find the right one to satisfy her. How he told her he would stay with her because she asked him to, because he made her job a little more fun.

She took her plate over to the table and sat down to eat her Thai before it got too cold. She started with the chopsticks and proceeded to eat the fragrant cuisine.

She paused and got lost in another daydream. Beckett smiled and touched her lips remembering the one and only kiss Castle and her shared.

She teared up thinking about the lost opportunity for them. How things had conspired against them. And now, she felt this broken woman, this imperfect female had the audacity to believe that she was good enough for her favorite author, her best-selling favorite author. No, she was damaged. How could this fine man, this good son and father take this wounded woman into his household to become part of his family?

"No, he will not," she thought sadly.

She ate the rest of her Thai somberly. She was no longer hungry, but she knew that she needed to eat, to heal and to be able to give closure to some other unfortunate family.

So she ate, the spicy Thai lost all flavor. Its enticing aroma was now lost on her nose. She felt nothing.

Sitting at her table, the now empty plate before her, she sobbed. Her sobbing was painfully pulling at her chest scar.

She sat back dejectedly into her chair and looked around her apartment. She saw the stuffed raven on her desk and smiled.

"I'm giving you 'the bird'," she remembered Castle saying to her as he handed her the raven.

She looked over at the large book in the book case. Carefully opening the book, she found a delicate browning flower in between two sheets of wax paper. She remembered the flowers Castle brought to her to cheer her up. She took one of them and pressed it in this book to remember his thoughtfulness by.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Kate," said Dr. Burke. "How has your week gone? Anything you'd like to talk about?"

Beckett sat down in the chair across from the doctor and toed off her ballet flats. She sat sideways as she pulled her feet up into the chair as if to make herself smaller.

"Okay, I guess."

"Kate, you sound like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"We had this – and I use this term very loosely – "superhero" case that Castle was just salivating over. One part of it was this fairly green police woman from our precinct and her boyfriend slash writer."

"Like you and Castle."

"Yes. NO! Not like Castle and me."

Beckett paused.

"Well not exactly like us. The writer is a graphic novelist and writes online. He's not a multi best-selling author. She's a beat policeman not a lead detective. Anyway, the ending is that they are walking out of the precinct, and Castle makes a comment."

"Although, given Castle's feelings for you, I don't think he would purposely try to hurt you. Never the less, was his comment upsetting in some way?" asks Burke.

"No," Beckett responds. "It was just contrasting. He was comparing us with them and said something like 'a writer and his muse fighting crime, sorta like us'. And I could see the similarity. But then they kiss as the elevator doors close."

"And that made you uncomfortable."  
"Yeah. And jealous in some way. I mean that is where I want us to be someday."

"You and Rick."

"Yeah. But we're not there now and it's because of me. I am such a mess. I'm healing and I don't feel like I am in a good place for a relationship."

"But you want one with Castle."

"Yeah. I do."

* * *

_It's spring again_

_And birds on the wing again_

_Start to sing again_

_The old melody._

* * *

A/N: 5x22 Still

Beckett pulled off her boots while sitting on the bed in Castle's loft. She groaned as the boot finally released her aching feet. After standing in one place for hours, her feet were sore and she may need that foot soak massager tonight.

She thought about the events of today, how Castle had stayed with her to the, happily, not-so bitter end. How he risked everything to save her from that bomb. How he kept her company and her spirits up. How he showed just how much he adored her.

Captain Gates told her to go home to recover from her ordeal and sign off on her report in the morning. The boys took her statement at the scene and said they would take care of everything short of her signing off.

She was looking forward to the hot bath Castle was preparing for her to soothe her tired muscles and feet. She heard the water starting to run into the massive tub in Castle's master bath and she started to remove her clothes. Almost mechanically, without thinking, she pulled her socks off, then her jeans, her blouse, her bra and panties.

She walked into the bathroom and smelled the sweet smell of vanilla that Castle had added to the running water; the bubbles starting to rise around the tub. She took a look around and saw Castle starting to leave.

"I'll leave you in peace. You probably need to unwind from today. The adrenaline is probably still rushing through you. I'll let you relax while I whip something up."

"Castle," she softly responded. "Rick, please don't leave."

"Okay," he gently answered.

"Join me?"

"Of course."

She moved forward in the tub to allow him to disrobe and sit down behind her. After Castle was situated, Beckett leaned back against his chest and his arms wrapped around her. The warm water and her partner enveloped her in a soothing cocoon, relaxing her.

Castle could feel the intensity wash away from Beckett as the calming water rose in the tub. She turned her head and kissed his upper arm as she lay her head against it.

"Castle," she asked.

"Hmm."

"I know we argued about it earlier but … when did you know? That you loved me?"

"Yeah, we did argue about who was into who first," Castle chuckled.

Beckett turned in his arms to look up at him while still enveloped in his arms.

"Okay," he continued. "I did think about it while you sent me away."

"Castle, I only did that because of …"

"Yeah, I know. Alexis and mother."

"Yeah."

"To be honest, I don't know exactly when I felt it. I knew it sprouted from our first case."

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, I told Alexis a long time ago that when writing you have to love your characters."

"And you love Nikki Heat."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"I became passionate about writing again. You did that to me, Kate. Make me want to write again."

Beckett turned her back to him and snuggled into his arms. She said, "I'm glad."

"I guess I knew I had some feelings for you when you told me about your mother, after that frozen woman case."

"Yeah, I remember."  
"I saw the pain in your eyes and thought that maybe I should do something to relieve that pain. That's when I did that ill-advised foray to your mother's case file."

"Castle."

"No, Kate. It was ill-advised. You got shot, Montgomery killed, Ryan and Esposito kidnapped and tortured. No. It was ill-advised. I put the target on all of you. You know Josh accused me of that. There are times that I still feel guilty … responsible for putting that hole in your chest."

Castle turned away from Beckett, almost in shame, as she spun around and looked at him. She put her hands on his face to turn his head to face her.

"No, Castle. It wasn't ill-advised. We found out who killed her and who ordered her killing. That changed everything."

Castle guiltily looked up at Beckett as she continued to hold his face in her wet hands. Beckett leaned down and kissed him and then turned and laid back with her back against his chest. The dwindling bubbles indicating that the bath water was cooling.

"Castle, I know about what Josh said. My dad told me about the fight in the hallway. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I heard you saying you loved me."

"Water under the bridge, Beckett."

"Just like I have forgiven you, you have forgiven me. So we're even."

"But, but …"

"Castle, we're even."

"Okay."

Castle paused.

"Do you want me to continue?"

"If you want to," Beckett answered.

"Okay. I could tell that I had strong feelings for you when you told me to go away after I tried to tell you what I found. And then you let me back in, so I thought you had some feelings for me. That's part of the reason I invited you to live in the loft after your place was blown up. But then you moved out of the loft so quickly, I thought I was wrong and you were just putting up with me."

"Castle, we weren't anything back then."

"Beckett, I offered my loft for as long as you wanted but you moved out in just a week or so. If you had of stayed I wouldn't have had that ill-advised fling with Ellie Monroe."

"There's that word again."

"If you were still at the loft, do you think I would even dream of bringing Ellie Monroe there?"

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess not."

"I'm not blaming you, Beckett. I'm only pointing out that if you were still there, I would have thought I still had a chance with you then."

"I guess I wasn't ready then. Seeing your happy family life and how mine was destroyed made it hard to be there. I saw how good you were to your mother and Alexis …"

Beckett started to sob.

"Hey, hey," Castle said turning Beckett around and hugging her.

"It's okay," Castle said. "We've both made plenty of mistakes, but we got here, didn't we?"

Beckett nodded against his chest, still sobbing.

"And, I hope, we'll be together for a long time, okay?"

"Okay," Beckett responded watery.

"My biggest mistake was green lighting Demming to start dating you."

"You greenlighted him?"

"Yeah, he asked me if there was anything going on between us. I told him the truth, much to my chagrin. Another of my ill-advised moves."

"So that's why he didn't hesitate."

"Yep. And when I saw you being happy with him and sorta pushing me away. I figured that you had chosen and I had to live with it."

"But you waltzed out of the precinct with Gina on your arm."

"Yeah, that was still another of my numerous ill-advised moves."

Beckett settled back into Castle's arms in the tub.

"Gina was a distraction, a redirection, because I thought you were happy with Demming. I figured when I left, I probably wouldn't be coming back."

"But you did."  
"Yeah, I did. And I thought being with Gina would quench my feelings for you. I fooled myself for a while. But after seeing you, after being back with you for a while, I knew it was only a matter of time, I was lost. And then when you were shot, I thought you were dying and I wouldn't have another chance so I gave you my ill-timed declaration of love."

"I detect a theme here," Beckett teased.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Castle paused pondering and then said, "I guess to give you an answer, I realized I loved you when I saw you kissing Demming in the precinct after that case with the two killers. That's when I knew."

* * *

_I love you,_

_That's the song of songs_

_And it all belongs_

_To you and me._

* * *

A/N: 8x08 Mr. and Mrs. Castle

"Castle," Beckett gently said to her husband while she ran her fingers through his hair.

He groaned and then turned toward her saying, "Kate, isn't it too early to get up?"

"Castle, we need to make our plan. But first of all, I need to apologize to you and thank you for taking me back."

Castle sat up and turned to his wife.

"Kate, there's no need for thanks. I told you the other night, I never have given up hope for us. Even after all of this."

"But I hurt you," Beckett said sadly bowing her head.

"Yes, you did. I can't deny that. But I can't do anything but forgive you. Anything less means I cannot be married to you anymore. Because not forgiving means not loving anymore and I still love you, Kate."

"Castle."  
Putting his finger under her chin and gently pulling up so she looks into his eyes he says, "No, I mean it, Kate. I love you, you've asked for forgiveness, so I forgive you. I still hurt that you lost faith in us and it will take a while for that to fade but I just love you, Kate, so forgiveness is a given."

"Shouldn't I earn your forgiveness? Do some penance?"

"What, do you want me to go all 'Fifty Shades' on you?" Castle asked waggling his eyebrows. "Didn't we have enough naked punishment last night?"

"Castle," Kate said gently pushing on his shoulder.

"Beckett, in all seriousness saying that you must 'earn' my forgiveness indicates that it's conditional. But it's not."

"Why?"

"Remember in 'Harry Potter' and the unforgivable curses?"

"Yeah."

"Those were curses that could not be undone, could not be excused."

"Yeah, I remember."

"Okay, I'm going out on a limb on this but … you haven't cheated on me."

"No, of course not. I love you. I can't imagine my life with anyone else," Beckett said sitting up and holding Castle's hands.

"Okay. I believe you."

"Thanks," said Beckett.

"You aren't planning on killing me are you?"

"Rick," Beckett said exasperated.

"I'll take that as a no."

"No. I'm not planning on killing you," Beckett said, rolling her eyes.

"Well in my mind cheating and killing are the unforgivable curses. In fact, you're trying to protect me, right?"

"Right, from Loksat, whoever that is. Making him think that I am doing this on my own so they won't come after you again."

"Okay, so in my mind there is nothing to forgive. You hurt me because you didn't confide in me, you didn't have faith in me. Hell, I hurt you when I left you at the altar."  
"But this is different, Rick. You don't know what happened so you don't know what choices you made. I made a choice."

"We only know what that fake Henry Jenkins told me. And half, if not all of that is probably not true. For all we know I could have made the choice to stay away. We may never know."

"Rick."

"Kate, you did this with the best intentions. You've been on your own for a long time, so doing it yourself, drawing into yourself is deeply ingrained. I understand that. And we'll get through this. Okay?"

"Okay. But I still feel guilty."

"Let me give you another example."

"Okay."

"Well, perhaps this isn't the best example but …"

"Go on."

"Well, when you were a teenager and dated that clove cigarettes guy that your parents hated, did they love you any less? Did they make you do some penance afterward?"

"Well, no. But that was my parents. You're not my parent."

"That's why I said this may not be the best example but that's an example of love without stipulations, without provisos. That's what true love is. You. Just. Love. Each of us makes mistakes, each of us falls down from the ideal. But that's what makes us human."

Castle looked Beckett in the eyes and continued, "Being human is a part of you that makes me love the whole even more. I know that you're a kick-ass, extraordinary, persistent detective and now captain. But also you are my loving wife trying to protect me from some evildoers. And you are my partner in life. You're my lover and my best friend. What more can I possibly ask?"

"Your wife staying with you at the loft?"

Castle chuckled, "Touché, Beckett."

Kate smiled lovingly back at Rick.

"Okay. But know now that I will do what you ask. You want me to stay out of it, I'll do it reluctantly. And I will be continually begging you to let me help."

Beckett thinks for a moment then says, "No. I want you to help. But you have to be very careful. We don't know who is part of the Loksat organization so you can't just go off and do things you normally do."

"Me? Go off and do something?"

Beckett gives him a glare.

"Yeah, you're right. I tend to go off and do things. Okay, I'll be careful and try to keep off their radar."

Beckett responds, "Castle, there is do or do not, there is no try."

"Just another reason I love you, quoting Yoda."

Beckett gives Castle a serious look while wrapping her arms around his neck, "Castle, I'm serious now, this could easily get you killed if you're not careful. It could get Martha or Alexis, too. So you have to do this carefully, quietly so as not to arouse suspicion."

Castle nods.

"And we're still going to have to look separated."

"Beckett. No"  
"Yes, Castle. This keeps a buffer between us if anything ever goes south."

"But I won't be able to have your back."  
"I know. But I'll feel better if I know you're safe."

Castle reluctantly responds, "Okay."

Beckett kisses him and says, "Thanks Babe. I hope this isn't long."

"Are conjugal visits out, too?" Castle asks seductively.

"Definitely not. But we may have to find another venue. The loft is too big a target. Too easy to get to both of us."

"We'll figure something else out."

"Yeah," Kate responds. "We'll need to establish some way of getting messages to each other. Can you think about it? Not one of your outlandish schemes. Keep it simple."

"Okay. No complicated schemes. I'll let you know when I have something."

"I love you," Beckett says.

"I love you, too, Kate."

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope to have updates to this on a more regular, but slow, basis (probably about monthly).


	14. Lover Come Back to Me

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "Black Pearls". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Lover, Come Back to Me" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=oAlSgkbLCzQ

This song is by Sigmund Romberg and Oscar Hammerstein II. A version of it being sung by Dinah Washington with Clifford Brown is also on YouTube.

watch?v=2oWx95lejmk

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

_The sky was blue_

_And high above_

_The moon was new_

_And so was love_

_This eager heart of mine was singing_

_Lover where can you be_

* * *

A/N: Pre Series

Rick Castle looked down at the papers strewn across his desk.

Meredith Castle v. Richard Castle

His marriage dissolution was all but a done deal. All he needed to do was sign.

All the marital assets, defined in attachment A were to be apportioned per the dissolution order.

Rick was okay with that because he got the most important marital asset, his daughter, Alexis.

Meredith got her freedom from her unenlightened husband.

Meredith, not being an "A List" actress, had to claw and scratch for every part in movies or TV she could. So she did. The way for non-"A list" actresses to get parts was either to know the producer or sleep with the director.

In most cases, she didn't know the producer. And, in this particular case, the director was, well, "endowed" so that the "price" was more than satisfactory to her.

Why Rick, her husband, didn't understand that was beyond Meredith's comprehension. So she decided that she would be better off without him around being a "stick in the mud" about marriage fidelity.

Meredith didn't want Alexis either, that was to be sure, and Rick was glad about that. His, soon to be ex-, wife made it clear to him that she didn't want to be tied down with a child. She knew how bad it was for Martha and didn't want that for herself.

Meredith has career plans. Plans that didn't include a child. So Meredith was perfectly fine with sticking him with Alexis. Not that he felt that having his daughter was "sticking it" to him.

Meredith wanted a career over motherhood; she wouldn't make the same choice as Martha. Meredith told him that.

That was the worst thing for Meredith to say to him, that his existence, his presence, had caused all the problems Martha and he faced. That it was all his fault. He was the reason they were poor when he was a child. He was the reason that Martha didn't hit it big on Broadway or the movies. That he was a "scholarship kid" at every private school he went to.

He was the reason that Martha was a marginally known actress of the stage not a world famous screen actress with multiple Academy Awards and other plaudits to her acting résumé.

As a child, he was what was wrong with his mother's life. And now, as an adult, he was what was wrong with Meredith's life.

He went into the marriage with the best of intentions. He truly did. He wanted his child to experience a normal childhood. Well at least as normal as could be with an actress mother and a best-selling author father. But at least both parents would be there for their child.

Not like his childhood.

Not like his lonely childhood, where his best friends were the stage hands on the travelling shows Martha was able to be part of.

Not fatherless. Being called "bastard" behind his back, not entirely out of earshot.

No, their child would have a normal, within reason, childhood that could be provided by two parents. Two married parents. It wouldn't be a "white picket fence" household. "White picket fence" houses were in short supply in southern California or Manhattan. But there would be a house, a lawn, maybe a pool, and a backyard with a swing set. All the things that Rick didn't have in his childhood.

He thought he could provide everything their daughter needed. He would spare no expense. Money would be no object.

All the money in the world couldn't keep his marriage intact.

So there he sat, in his office looking at the remains of his marriage.

Paper.

That was all that was left.

His marriage license was a piece of paper. Now not worth the paper it was printed on.

And by signing a different piece of paper, his marriage would be over.

Sighing, Rick signed the papers that ended his all too brief marriage to the mother of his child.

His child.

Now he was totally responsible for a helpless little human, his daughter.

Rick walked down the hall from his office to his daughter's bedroom. Quietly he opened the door. He looked in on his sleeping daughter, Alexis. Almost two, she was sleeping peacefully in her crib.

"I'm sorry, Alexis," He thought to himself. "I thought being a family would satisfy your mother, but I was wrong. She wanted more than I had the ability to give so you will be without a mother for most of your childhood. I hope you can forgive me."

* * *

_You came at last_

_Love had its day_

_That day is past_

_You've gone away_

_This aching heart of mine is singing_

_Lover come back to me_

* * *

A/N: Pre Series

Kate Beckett looked down at the kitchen table where Will's key to her apartment lay. It sat there as a sign of the end of their relationship.

They had exchanged words. She wanted to stay in New York, he was ready to move on.

"_Kate, I've got some great news," Will Sorenson said smiling. "My boss came to me a couple of weeks ago with a proposition."_

"_Okay. I'll bite. New car, more responsibility?" _

"_Yeah, something like that."_

"_Well, tell me. You look like you're about to explode."_

"_Okay … Okay," Will said excitedly. "Well, remember I was on a business trip last week?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I travelled to another FBI office for an interview. There's an opening in Boston. With a new group that's based there."_

"_Oh," Kate said deflated._

"_Kate, it's a great opportunity," Will had told her. "It's an opportunity for me to do more. Move up the ladder. A bigger stage for me. More important cases."_

_Kate looked dumbfounded. _

"_Hey, I know it's a big deal. We have a lot to talk about. A lot to celebrate. That's why I made reservations at that Italian place you like. If we leave now, we'll just make it."_

_Kate still stood in silence, a blank look on her face._

"_Hey, Kate. What's wrong? Tell me."_

_Finally looking at him, she says, "You've accepted the offer?"_

"_Yeah, they needed an answer, so I said yes. It'll be great for both of us."_

"_You interviewed and accepted a new job, in a new city without talking with me?"_

"_Well … yeah. But it's a great opportunity … for the both of us."_

"_It's an opportunity for you, Will, not me. This is all yours."_

"_With your record, you'll be a shoe-in to get a job at the Boston PD. I'm sure of it. I'm just as sure Captain Montgomery will give you a great reference."_

"_No, Will. It's not. I'll have to start over at the bottom."_

"_You can't be sure of that."_

"_Yes, I can. I haven't been a homicide detective for long. At best they'll put me on a probationary duty for a while if not put me in traffic. I'm not ready to just start over."_

"_Kate."_

"_No, Will. No. My dad is just getting his act together. He's been sober for just a short time. I need to be there to keep him on the wagon."_

"_Kate, Boston isn't that far away."_

"_Will, my mind is made up. You go if you want, but it'll be without me."_

"_Kate, please."_

_Beckett glared at him as if to say "this argument is over."_

"_Fine." _

_Will pulled out his key chain and removed the key to Kate's apartment. He placed it on the table in front of her and then turned and opened the door. Looking back at Kate, he said, "I'm sorry, Kate. I hoped you would be happy for me and come with me. I guess I thought wrong."_

_Without another word from either of them, Will stepped out and closed the door._

_Kate sat down on her couch in shock. Leaning forward, her face in her hands, the shock wearing off, she quietly sobbed._

After a while Kate went to the bathroom to wipe her tears. Looking in the mirror, she saw her mascara running down her face, the rest of her face blotchy, her nose red, from her crying.

"I can't leave my father now," she thought. "If I leave, he may not be able to keep it together."

Cleaning her face with a facecloth, she wiped the last of the makeup off her face.

* * *

_When I remember every little thing_

_You used to do_

_I'm so lonely_

_Every road I walked along_

_I walked along with you_

_No wonder I am lonely_

* * *

A/N 4x01 Rise

Kate Beckett sat on the porch at her dad's cabin in the Catskills. The Adirondack Chair supported her healing body while a thin afghan blanket warmed her legs, protecting them from the early morning chill. A thin mist rose from the lake beside the cabin. There was a peaceful silence around her. The occasional bird song was the only noise that broke the stillness of the morning.

Kate's tea sat in the mug beside her on the table. She thought that Castle would have a small chuckle at her choice. Earl Grey, hot. Exactly like Captain Picard liked it.

Oh yes, Castle would love that she is drinking hot Earl Grey tea. Oh, and he would love that she got the reference, too.

Yeah, some of Castle's inner geek was rubbing off on her.

She smiled thinking about how Castle would react.

Castle.

"Oh, Castle," she sadly thought. "If you could see me now. This pathetic shell of a woman. Barely able to take care of herself."

On her lap was a book. Of course, it was one of his. His photo on the back of the dust jacket blankly smiled up at her.

She thought about the things he did.

The smile on his face when he held Jimmy Walker's bottle of St. Miriam's Whiskey. The glee he had when he was told he could buy one. The gang walking out of the precinct singing "Piano Man." The fun they had when they got to "The Old Haunt." The team's acceptance of Castle as a true member.

Beckett smiled as she remembered the evening at Castle's new purchase. He was so excited to have a secret office. His "hidden lair" as he called it.

"He can be such a child at times," she thought. "But he has that 'child-like' wonder that brings me joy."

She then thought about the magic shop and how she teased him about her "magic" trick.

Beckett smiled and thought, "I love teasing Castle; he's so easy."

Beckett reached over for her tea and found it was cold. Slowly she stood up and gently walked to the front door of the cabin. Going inside, she started up the kettle again to make another cup.

"I miss my coffee," Beckett thought. "But the doctor felt that it was too much caffeine for my body. Tea, however was okay. Doesn't tea have caffeine, too?"

Blankly she stared at out the window over the kitchen sink into the woods outside the cabin. With the windows open for the cool early morning breeze she could hear the songbirds calling each other for a mate.

Finally, the kettle started to whistle. Kate pulled out another tea bag and poured the hot water into her mug.

Carefully walking back to her chair on the porch, she mused about her unconventional partner.

"Castle always had an unorthodox way of getting us out of a jam. Shaking the champagne then popping the cork to make it sound like a gunshot. Bumping the suspect's head. That kiss to save Ryan and Espo."

Smiling, she touched her lips remembering that kiss.

"I could feel the love he has for me even though it was supposed to be a ruse."

She was broken out of her reverie by the house phone ringing. With the spotty cell phone service out here, her dad had set up a portable phone for her so she wouldn't have to go far to answer his calls.

"Hi, dad."

"How did you know it was me?" Jim teased.

"Who else would call me up here?" Kate responded.

"So you haven't called him."

"No, dad, I haven't."

"Katie, I think you should call him. At least to tell him you're okay. Rick is probably worried sick about you."

"Dad, if I call him, he'll want to come up here and see me."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Yes, dad. I'm really not ready to see him or anyone else for that matter."

"Kate, Rick won't care what you look like or what you can't do now. All he'll care about is your welfare."

"Dad, please."

"Katie, the man cares deeply for you. Please call him. At least to let him know you're alive."

"Let me get better dad. Then I'll think about calling him."

"Katie."

"Dad, please drop it."

"Katie, the loneliest people in the world are the ones who wouldn't take a leap of faith to connect to another person. Please don't let that be you."

"I won't, dad."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

"I love you, Katie."

"I love you, too, dad."

* * *

_The sky is blue_

_The night is cold_

_The moon is new_

_But love is old_

_And while I'm waiting here_

_This heart of mine is singing_

_Lover come back to me_

* * *

A/N: 7x01 Driven

Kate stood in front of her new murder board where her mother's was once posted. It wasn't a murder board, she hoped, it's an investigation board, but if it quacks like a duck …

At the top was her fiancée, a publicity head shot of Richard Castle. One of the ones that he would use for book signings or other publicity events. Now the only publicity events were speculation stories in the newspapers and tabloids.

The headlines read:

Mystery Writer Missing – Burning Car Found in Ditch

Richard Castle Kidnapped?

Richard Castle Disappeared – Left Fiancée at Altar

Below them were notes on the disappearance. The Cadillac SUV crushed at Vinnie's chop shop. The three sets of footprints at the scene. The lack of a ransom note.

The video … the video of Richard Castle making a drop of $10000. The video that convinced everyone but Beckett that Castle had purposely left her.

Left her at the altar.

No, she didn't believe that. After almost 7 years, he wouldn't just abandon her without a very compelling reason.

Richard Castle, loving father, devoted son would not leave Alexis nor Martha without a persuasive rationale.

Richard Castle is not that cruel either. He wouldn't get cold feet and just disappear on her.

"No," Beckett says, trying to convince herself. "No, he wouldn't leave us. He must be held captive or has something keeping him from coming home."

She stayed less and less at the loft and more at her apartment. Partially because she felt his absence more at the loft and partially because she had her investigation board there. She kept the details from Martha and Alexis but she let them know that she wasn't dropping the search for Castle.

She just couldn't give up. He had said that while they were looking for her ex.

"_Because what's a great love story without obstacles to overcome? Every fairytale has them. Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend. But you can't give up. That's the deal. We want the happy ending, we can't give up."_

* * *

Martha went to the precinct after a few weeks of Beckett leaving the loft.

"Katherine," Martha called.

"Oh, hi, Martha."

"Any news on Richard?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Beckett replied.

"Alexis and I are going to the Hamptons to get away from the noise of the city, will you come with us?" Martha asked.

"Thank you, Martha, but no, I can't."

Martha grabbed one of Beckett's hands. Gently squeezing it, she said, "Katherine, you look like you haven't had any rest in weeks."

"I have been working hard trying to find Castle. I can't stop now."  
"Katherine, when Richard comes back, and I'm sure he will, he'll be worried that you didn't take care of yourself while he was gone."

"Martha, please."

"It will wait for a weekend. You need some time away. Come back with a fresh perspective."

"Martha," Beckett resignedly said.

"Katherine, I need you to come. Alexis needs you to come. You're our connection to Richard right now. Please. If not for yourself, please come for us. We have to stick together. We're the women Richard loves and who love him back. We need each other to strengthen our hope and resolve that Richard will be coming home. Please, Kate. Please."

Martha's forlorn look convinced Beckett.

"Okay, Martha, I'll come."

* * *

That night after unpacking and having a simple meal with Martha and Alexis, Beckett walked down from the Hamptons house toward the pool, the path to the beach beyond. She stopped after coming through the gate. She smiled as she remembered the aborted skinny dipping session with Castle as the victim fell in to the pool almost two years ago.

Castle said he had the pool emptied and the walls cleaned with bleach twice before refilling. Given the amount of blood at a crime scene he had been exposed to, she was amused that he went to such great lengths to remove the diluted remains of the murder from the pool.

She smiled again thinking about all the times he brought humor to her. The outlandish theories, the jokes, the snide comments. She remembers that she was so annoyed with him when he first started shadowing her, now she's having trouble with this reality of not having him by her side. Her partner in crime, and she hoped, in life.

"Martha was right," Kate thought. "I needed a break. I'm glad I came."

Walking slowly toward the beach, Beckett looked up at the waxing moon.

"I hope you can see the moon now, Castle," she thought. "I hope you can feel my love for you and hope you come home soon."

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long delay in updating this series of vignettes. My muse left me with the onslaught of the disappointing season we fans just experienced. An incoherent ending to an incoherent season.

I will write some more Coltrane songs for Caskett at a later date. I haven't totally completed the Coltrane songbook.

I hope you enjoyed this.

Thanks for reading!

Mr. Mellow


	15. After the Rain

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "After the Rain" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube. There are multiple postings, here is one:

watch?v=dCoGXMr-FOI

This is a Coltrane original and has no lyrics. This story came to me as a thought about the end of season 4 and start of 5 and all that transpired after.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html

* * *

A/N: Spoilers 4x23 Always, 5x01 After the Storm, 8x22 Crossfire.

A tired Captain of the 12th precinct, Kate Beckett exits the elevator on the floor of the loft apartment she shares with her husband Rick Castle and their young daughter, Lily.

Their loft apartment. Theirs. Sometimes it seems like a dream to Kate. Reality intrudes from time to time, but now, she is so happy with her life she cannot believe it was almost lost on so many times.

She unlocks the door to a dark loft. Castle had texted her earlier that he was taking is "other best girl" out to dinner. Rick had wanted to take them both to dinner after she finished her paperwork but she felt that since he just got back from a two week long book signing trip, Lily needed some solo "daddy time."

So Kate walks into an empty apartment. The place is silent, the sounds of the city is barely a murmur penetrating the loft. The streetlights form bands of dark and light across the open living room.

Kate finds some frozen leftovers that Rick had made before he left on his trip. While she nukes it in the microwave, she goes to the stereo and turns on the music. Rick had all of the Coltrane songbook programmed into the music library for her. He was continually looking for classic jazz for her, especially Coltrane.

The music starts to play, a soft and mellow Coltrane resounds from the speakers. She looks to the display and sees the title "After the Rain." She starts to gently sway to the music. The title speaks to her. How her life changed after the rain that May evening several years ago. That night that he could of just as easily shut the door in her face, but he didn't.

After two and a half years of officially dating and four years of marriage, she still pinches herself from time to time in wonder on how she got so lucky to have this wonderful man, sometimes child, always her biggest cheerleader.

While swaying to the music, she looks back on that first night together and the following morning.

* * *

Kate Beckett awoke with a start. She was disoriented only for a moment.

Rubbing her hands on the sheets, the sheets felt different from her bed. The cloth felt so smooth against her bare skin. She had not a stitch of clothing on, no pajamas, no nightie, nothing. She was sore, but she understood that the soreness was from the fight she had with her assassin.

The aromas were different, too. The strong scent of sex assaulted her nose.

Then she remembered. Of course she wasn't in her own bed, she was in Castle's bed. And of course she was naked. Beside her was a very naked Castle, radiating heat, warming her from without while her heart warms her from within.

She spent the night and the early morning apologizing for her lies and her anger at him endeavoring to protect her. He kept a secret from her for her benefit, not his. Her secret (that she heard him confess his love) from him was for her benefit, too. And so she apologized. For both.

Castle accepted her apology with grace. Just like a couple of years ago, she accepted his apology for opening her mother's case over her objections. Another instance of him doing something she didn't like, but it was for her benefit, not his.

In fact, while she sat shivering on the swings in the rain, she realized that he had done a number of things for her benefit, not for his. And that's why she realized that she owed him an apology, he deserved an apology. And he deserved the truth from her, too.

So there she was, laying in Castle's bed, naked, in the afterglow of the multiple orgasms she had with him. Feeling the warmth of the emotions of her heart for this patient man who slept beside her. His rhythmic breathing a soothing sound in the dawn's early morning light after a rough previous day.

She was beaten by her would be assassin, but she survived. He left her literally hanging, but she survived. She resigned from the NYPD because she couldn't betray Captain Montgomery and she couldn't let another crooked cop ruin her investigation. And now she was jobless, but she would survive.

She was at bottom, but this magnificent man, asleep beside her, had put away his anger at her lies and betrayal, and let her into his home and his heart. If she was being honest with herself, she had his heart long before the moment she said to him, "I want you." The unspoken answer to the question he asked her at the first Nikki Heat book launch party was manifest, she knew then as now he wasn't the man who could turn her away.

She turns to Castle, he lay on his side, his back to her. She gently presses a kiss between his shoulder blades, breathing in the woodsy scent of his cologne. She thinks that she could get used to this, waking beside him. Feeling so safe, so protected. Far away from where she was yesterday afternoon while she hung by her fingers at the roof's edge of the Rosalyn Hotel.

She gets up to find her phone, looking at the time. While early, she decides she wants to "apologize" some more to Castle. And given the time, that requires coffee.

Having learned a long time ago that hot things in the kitchen and naked flesh do not mix, she finds Castle's hastily discarded button down on the floor and puts it on. She revels in the shirt's "Castle" scent; pulling the collar to her nose, breathing deep with a contented grin, she carelessly buttons a couple of buttons on the shirt as she walks through the door to the living room and the kitchen beyond.

* * *

"Mommy, Mommy!" Lily runs to her mother, hugging her legs. Kate, momentarily dumbfounded after being lost in a daydream recalling that first night, recovers and bends down to her daughter.

"Hey, Beckett, whacha doin?" Castle asks.

Beckett stands and gives her husband a short kiss.

"Listening to Coltrane, after having some leftovers," Kate answers.

"Uh huh," Castle follows. "It looked like you were lost in a dream."

"Mommy, mommy," Lily yells while tugging on her mother's slacks. "Daddy took me to Remy's. An I had a hamger an fries. An Daddy took me to the swings. He tell me you love swings. An we had ice cream. An we played hide and go seek. Daddy isn't a very good hider."

Rick picks up his excited daughter and gives her a wet kiss on the cheek.

"Daddy, stop. Nice kisses. Nice kisses."

"Give her to me, Rick."

Beckett takes her daughter from her husband and pulls her in tight for a hug. Lily wraps her arms around her mother's neck and squeezes as hard as she could.

"Mommy, I think we have the bestest daddy. Except for his kisses," Lily says as she looks into her mother's eyes.

"I don't know, Lily, I like Daddy's kisses. But he always kisses me nice," Kate answers glaring at Castle.

With his daughter matching his wife's look, he sheepishly responds, "Okay, okay, I get it, nice kisses for mommy."

He hugs both of them, then kisses his wife saying, "She's definitely your daughter."

Kate chuckles, "I was there, Castle."

He smiles again, kisses her cheek and steps back from the pair.

"Lily," Beckett says to her daughter. "Let mommy give you your bath and let daddy sit here. He's tired from his trip."

"Okay, mommy."

Castle watches his bride and mother of their child take said child upstairs. He hears the water start before the bathroom door closes. Muffled happy noises come down the stairs to him as he sits down on the couch and relaxes from his long trip.

* * *

It is one of the few times Castle woke before her. Over the past several months, they rarely slept apart, either at her apartment or at the loft. Often, Kate woke first, even on her days off. She would make coffee and then, if there was time, breakfast. Only occasionally, Castle woke before Beckett, but usually before he had time to put his feet on the floor beside the bed, Kate woke.

This morning was different. He heard her come in very late because of a case. She texted him in the late afternoon that they had caught a case and for him not to wait up.

So he woke first and would not disturb her if he was quiet. He turned to her sleeping form facing him. Her hair chaotically surrounding her face making her even more beautiful in his eyes.

It had been raining overnight and she came to the loft wet, exhausted but pleased. The case was a simple one, quickly solved. She didn't feel up to taking a shower before collapsing into bed so her hair dried naturally.

Castle liked it when she let her hair dry naturally, with no teasing and fussing over it. It made her look softer, gentler, and more feminine than she did when she worked at her hair, her armor. This was something he got to see now that they were together. Her naturally drying hair was his second favorite because it reminded him of their first night together just a few short months ago. That stormy night when she came to is door soaked, apologizing, begging his forgiveness. His favorite was what he called JFL hair, but he got to see a lot of that later that first night, too.

He looked, no stared at her for more than a few moments. Her gentle breaths wafting to him in a soothing caress. He knew she still didn't like him staring at her (he called it 'observing') but she tolerated it because she knew he observed with the look of love. In his mind he still heard her say "it's creepy", but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't get enough of Kate Beckett.

He thought of metaphors for how she made him feel. "Like an oasis for a thirsty man," he thought. "No, no metaphor, no simile, I can't come up with anything. Nothing I will ever write will come close to capturing all that is Kate Beckett."

He quietly moved toward her, gently kissed her cheek and moved off the bed. His robe on, he walked into the living room and the kitchen beyond to make Beckett's coffee.

* * *

"Castle," Kate said while gently shaking her sleeping husband. "Castle. Babe. Why don't you get off the couch and into bed? It can't be comfortable there."

Kate caresses his face as he wakes with a start.

"Whoa. What? Oh. Beckett did I fall asleep?"

"Yes, babe," Kate answers. "I already put Lily to bed."

Castle sinks into the couch trying to get the sleepiness out.

"Do I need to do the same with my eldest child?" Beckett teases.

"No. I'm fine, Kate. Just tired."

"Okay babe, let's go to bed."

"I hoped to give Lily a good night kiss."

"You'll just wake her, Castle. And I told her that you were tired from your trip and you would make her pancakes in the morning."

"And you, too?"

"Are you getting your second wind?"

"Pancakes, an edible way of saying, 'thank you so much for last night.'"

"We'll have to do something worth it then."

"With you as my wife, every morning I wake up beside you is 'thank you so much for last night.'"

* * *

A/N: Sorta apropos with the tail end of Hurricane Matthew here in Florida. Sorry for the long delay in updating this series of vignettes. My muse left me after the onslaught of the disappointing 8th season we fans experienced. An incoherent ending to an incoherent season. And now Castle only lives in our imaginations and TNT reruns.

I will write some more Coltrane songs for Caskett at a later date. I haven't totally completed the Coltrane songbook.

I hope you enjoyed this.

Thanks for reading!

Mr. Mellow


	16. Lover

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "The Last Trane". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Lover" by John Coltrane. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=LJz9xU6nOoA

This song is by Lorenz Hart and Richard Rodgers. A version of it being sung by Ella Fitzgerald is also on YouTube.

watch?v=fACKdzd1bD4

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html.

* * *

_Lover, when I'm near you_

_And I hear you speak my name_

_Softly in my ear you breathe a flame_

_Lover, when we're dancing_

_Keep on glancing in my eyes_

_Till love's own entrancing music dies_

* * *

A/N: 4x04 Kick the Ballistics

Kate Beckett opens the door to her empty apartment. She still feels the pain from her stitches occasionally as she moves.

She thinks about what Kevin Ryan said at the end of the last case.

"_To bravery and commitment, to love and sacrifice, to Jane."_

She still hasn't told Castle she remembers his words to her in the cemetery. She feels that she isn't in a place where she can accept the love Castle has offered.

It wasn't like it was with Josh.

No bravery.

No commitment.

Definitely no love.

Moreover, no sacrifice on either of their part.

She didn't feel that much for the doctor, not nearly as much as she felt for her partner and friend.

Josh had brought it up multiple times but the last time was just before she went to L.A.

* * *

A/N: 3x21 The Dead Pool

Beckett had just made it home from the precinct. She was running late. She had a date planned with her boyfriend, Dr. Josh Davidson. She was looking forward to being with him since they hadn't been able to coordinate their schedules for weeks. He had been on shift when she was off and then he went to Africa for several weeks. Then to Haiti.

It seemed like it had been a long time since they went out together.

He was nice. Comfortable. Not challenging. Not someone to dive into together with.

A diversion.

She rushed to change out of her "professional police detective" wear and into something more feminine, more appropriate for a date. They were going out to an uptown restaurant that was becoming known for their food and ambiance.

A dress was appropriate. That one shoulder red dress with some heels would be the thing to wear tonight. Tasteful but sexy, that's what they both needed.

A diversion.

She took a quick shower and was just drying off when she heard a knock at her door.

"Just a minute," she yelled at the door.

"Just me, Kate," Josh yelled back through the door.

Kate wrapped the towel around her body and went to the door. Looking through the peephole she saw that it was her boyfriend.

As she opened the door, Josh noted her attire.

"You're not ready yet?" Josh asked. "Our reservation is in an hour. With traffic we'll barely make it."

"I'll be just a minute," Kate said.

She could almost hear Castle saying with his eyebrows wiggling, "I love what you're wearing. Let's order in. Let me take that towel."

"Need to hurry, Kate."

"I know what time it is, Josh."

"Why are you so late tonight?"

"I caught a case and the team was struggling then Castle had an idea. It turns out it was the key and we solved the case and got an arrest. I left the precinct about an hour ago. The guys were finishing up paperwork when I left."

"Castle had an idea?"

"Yes, Castle," Kate responded almost defensively.

"No after case celebration with him?"

"No, why?" Beckett asked. "His daughter had a small crisis that he needed to attend to."

"Because it seems like you spend a lot of time with him. He isn't a cop. He's just a writer. Why do you keep him around?"

"He often comes up with the explanation that makes sense. I get the facts, he sees the story."

"Yeah, well, it seems to me that he is a dangerous distraction."

"Excuse me?"

"You never see an untrained, neophyte in an operating room. All the people there are highly trained. And they know their roles. You, Ryan and Esposito are highly trained professionals. And you know your roles."

"Yeah, and your point being?" Kate using her interrogation skills to draw him out.

"He's a loose cannon. He's an uncontrolled variable in your cases. Out in the field he could get hurt or get you or your team hurt."

"He knows his role. He may be a little unconventional, but he's a big help on cases," Kate responded.

She looked at Josh as he looked at the floor. Then it occurred to her that there was more to this than just her being a little late because of a case.

"Hey, where is this coming from, Josh?" She asked. "This seems to be coming from left field to me."

"You went out with him on Valentine's Day, Kate!" Josh said blurted out exasperatedly. He looked at his girlfriend trying to understand.

"Yes, I did." Kate responded unashamedly.

"So you admit it."

"Yeah. We just arrested his school friend for murder, the first person to encourage him to be a writer. Castle said that if it wasn't for Damian Westlake, he wouldn't be a best-selling author. So yes, I had a drink with him to comfort him on his devastating disappointment."

"The week before you went out dancing with him." Josh continued.

"We were going undercover. I needed his Ferrari as cover," Kate answered defensively.

Josh stood silently.

Trying to divert Josh, Beckett added, "Hey, we arrested a drug kingpin. I've told you about everything and nothing is going on with him."

"Nothing but a toe curling kiss as a ruse," Kate thought.

"And then more recently going to a movie with him?"

"Yeah, so? You were on shift. I was going to go by myself anyway. Castle said he'd never seen 'Forbidden Planet' even though he is such a sci-fi nerd, so we went together."

"It seems to me that you go on more dates with Castle than your boyfriend."

"What? You keeping score?"

"And always the excuse."

"Josh, he's been a big help to me on some key cases. What's the problem?"

"I just don't know where I stand with you, Kate. He seems to be lurking on the edge of our relationship. Castle did this, Castle said that."

"I tell you those things so you know what my work is like. Don't you have a 'work family' at the hospital? I have a 'work family' at the precinct and Castle is part of it. As much as Ryan or Esposito or Lanie or Captain Montgomery for that matter. We work closely together in tough situations."

"I work in a tough situation, too, Kate."

"I never said you didn't," Beckett said putting her hand on Josh's shoulder. "You save people every day. I know that. That's your job. Just like my job is to put killers away. We do different things to help and protect the people here."

Josh shrugged his shoulders.

She chastely kissed Josh on the cheek then said, "Let me finish getting dressed and we'll go. We'll only be a little late. I'm sure that we'll still have a nice evening. Something to divert from our hectic lives. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Beckett finds herself lost in a daydream about that date night with Josh. She compares him to Castle and thinks, "He was just a diversion, a convenient excuse to prevent anything with Castle. Now, even though I'm single again, that convenient excuse is still a wall between Castle and me."

Realizing she is sitting in a very dark room, she turns on a lamp beside the couch.

She thinks, "No bravery and commitment. Josh never showed that, the next Doctors Without Borders was his biggest commitment, his bravery. Castle has shown bravery and commitment on numerous occasions. Most recently on my first case back, having my back when he could have been blown away by Mitch Yancey's shotgun."

Rubbing her face, she gets up and walks to her kitchen. Looking at the barren cupboard and fridge she decides to order in. She calls her favorite Chinese restaurant around the corner from her apartment and orders some takeout. She takes out a goblet and pours herself a glass of wine.

"_Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."_

"I haven't shown bravery either. I don't have the courage to tell Castle I remember what he said and ask if he meant it."

* * *

_All of my future is in you_

_Your every plan I design_

_Promise you'll always continue to be mine_

_Hey lover, please be tender_

_When your tender fears depart_

_Lover, I surrender to my heart_

* * *

A/N: 5x03 Secret's Safe with Me

Rick woke up in the middle of the night with another idea for a Nikki Heat scene. Generally, unless he typed something up in his computer or wrote something down, it would bother him for the rest of the night, keeping him awake. So he rolled himself out of bed and stood up.

Feeling the bed move, Beckett asked sleepily, "Rick, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Rick responded. "Nikki woke me up. Go back to sleep."

"Okay," Kate answered. "Don't stay up long."

"I just got to get this on paper."

Beckett rolled over away from Castle.

Castle went into the bathroom for his early ablutions. Washing his hands he thought more about Beckett and Nikki. He dried his hands with a smile on his face, almost as if he thought he had pulled one over on the universe.

Kate Beckett was over at his place, sharing his bed.

Before going to his office to write, he gazed at his partner, her hair softly surrounding her face. He gently smiled at the sleeping form that held his heart for longer than she knew. He recognized that it sort of sprung on him one day and that's when he knew love completely. One day he'd tell her how he slowly fell for her. How her fierce personality sometimes came out so lightly in the simplest of ways.

"_That even on the worst days there's the possibility for joy."_

He thinks, "Even from the beginning, Kate, every day you allow me into your life, to be your partner, is a joyful day for me. That day, 5 years ago when you walked into the last Derrick Storm party, still continues to be one of the best days of my life. Always."

Rick turns and walks to his office, turns on the desk lamp aiming it away from the bedroom and Kate's sleeping form, and starts to tap away on the keyboard.

* * *

That's where Beckett finds him, in his office, pounding away at his keyboard, dreaming up new adventures for Nikki and Rook.

She stops and watches him while he creates. She feels joy at seeing him at work, not because she accuses him of not working, because she knows he does work and works hard. He works to craft the exact right thing to happen or the right thing for Nikki to say to Rook.

No, it's because she gets to see the author that kept alive the connection between her and her mother. It's because he became her favorite author, though she won't tell him that yet.

It's because he disappointed her at the beginning of their unconventional partnership, but now he is the so integral to her life she cannot imagine it without him.

It's how he sees right and wrong, good and evil.

It's the things he does while he writes. The way his eyebrows move, the way his whole body is relaxed, yet tense at the same time. His creative juices flowing through him forming an aura around him that cocoons him from the rest of the world so he can be in Nikki's.

It's because she sees his love for her through his writing about Nikki. How humbled she feels that he is inspired to write a fifth novel based on her.

It's because how much she loves him and it scares her.

Kate walks up to him while Castle continues to type, his concentration unbroken. She approaches him from behind, puts her hands on his chest and kisses him on his cheek.

Resting her head on his shoulder, she says, "Nikki kept you up a long time. You never came back to bed, did you?"

"Yeah," Rick responds. "Nikki and Rook got into a pickle. Last night I couldn't figure out how to get them out and then it came to me during the night. I had to get it down. I've been revising it for the past …" looking at his phone, "oh wow, three hours."

"Are you going to be alert enough to come to the precinct later? I was hoping for coffee and a lunch date."

"Yeah, Beckett," Castle says turning to her, pulling her to sit in his lap. "All I'm good for is caffeine and food."

"And comic relief," Beckett says as she kisses him.

"The precinct thanks me for that, at least the coffee. A caffeine deprived Beckett is a scary sight for them. But yeah, I'll be by later. I'll make you some coffee and breakfast now. Go take your shower."

Kissing him again, Beckett rises from Castle's lap and turns to the bedroom and the en suite beyond, sashaying toward the door. Castle sighs watching his gorgeous partner walk away, her magnificent legs giving him very naughty thoughts.

As he hears the water running, he rises, adjusts himself and then proceeds to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and coffee for that most extraordinary woman in his shower.

* * *

_I say "The devil is in you"_

_And to resist you I try_

_But if you didn't continue I would die_

_Lover, please be tender_

_When your tender fears depart_

_Lover, I surrender to my heart_

* * *

A/N: After they are married.

"Beckett! We're going to be late!"

"Just a minute. I'm almost ready!" Kate responds.

Castle walks into the bedroom looking for his wife. Scanning the room, not finding his spouse, he notes sounds emanating from the bathroom.

He finds his lovely bride wrapped in a towel, her face close to the wall mirror applying mascara.

He ogles her and says, "Love the towel, love what's in the towel more. Hmm, perhaps I should unwrap what's in the towel."

"No you don't, mister," Kate says holding the towel knotted at her chest backing away. "You just turn yourself right around and go in the living room. I'll be putting on my dress in a moment."

"But all I wanted to do was play," Castle says wiggling his eyebrows. "Maybe poke a little fun at you."

Beckett smiles, "Maybe you can 'poke a little fun' at me later when we get home."

"Aww."

"But now, I need to get ready," Kate says giving her husband a look that brooks no argument.

"Okay, okay," Castle says holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll check if the limo is ready."

Castle walks out to check on the limo. Beckett shakes her head at her husband, thinking about the man-child she married.

A few minutes later, Beckett walks out of the bedroom.

"After all this time, Beckett, you still take my breath away," Castle complements his wife. "You're still stunning no matter what you wear. I'm going to be the envy of every man there and every woman there will be pointing daggers at you with their eyes."

Kate blushes then says, "And you still know how to turn a phrase, writer man. But … thanks."

"Maybe I can convince you to stay in and let me poke a little fun?" Castle asks wiggling his eyebrows.

"And you ruin it." Beckett sadly adds.

"It's the devil in me." Castle sheepishly responds.

They look into each other's eyes and Beckett smiles.

"And you love me for it," Castle teasingly adds.

"I do," Kate smiles. "Now take me to this party. I want to make you proud."

Castle kisses her and says, "You do. Always."

Castle sticks out his arm. Beckett grasps it and kisses him on the cheek as they walk out the door.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed these vignettes. Thanks for reading, reviewing and following.


	17. I Could Write A Book

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from when Coltrane was a sideman for Miles Davis. This song is from the Miles Davis's album "Workin' with the Miles Davis Quintet". These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I Could Write a Book". You can hear the song as played by The Miles Davis Quintet on YouTube.

watch?v=S9SuOELXEmc

This song is by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart. A version of it being sung by Harry Connick Jr. is also on YouTube.

watch?v=xMZhqcsB9b8

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from seriesmonitor dot com slash castle slash transcripts slash index dot html.

* * *

_If they asked me, I could write a book_

_About the way you walk and whisper and look_

* * *

A/N: 2x04 When The Bough Breaks

Rick Castle has been talking with one of his writer friends when he sees Kate Beckett at the centerpiece display of the first Nikki Heat book "Heat Wave." She looks amazing in that tight, blue, sinfully short dress. Rick can only imagine what is, or is not, for that matter, under that dress.

"Down boy," Castle thinks as he gets up.

"Will you excuse me?" Castle says to his writer friend.

Castle starts to stride across the room when he is stopped by his agent, Paula Haas.

Paula grabs his arm and asks, "That's her?"

Castle turns to her smiling. "That's her."

"Huh," Paula responds. "That's one hell of a love letter you wrote her. Geez, one night in Ibiza and what do I get? A chapter in Storm Fall."

"A very hot chapter," Castle adds.

"And she gets a whole book? She must be a pretty special girl. Let me ask you something, when she calls you do you call her back?"

"Yeah."

"Of course you do," Paula continues, "because she's important to you. And because it's polite."

"I call you back."

"Three. Book. Deal. And I can't even get you on the phone to let you know you have an official offer."

"There's a …" Castle stammers.

"Yeah."

Castle is dumbstruck. "I'm a, I'm ..."

"So can I close the deal?"

Castle pauses for a moment to collect himself. This was what got him started as a writer. Reading about a certain British secret agent in "Casino Royale."

"Paula, I'm sorry, but this is … this is a big step for me. I don't know that I'm ready to walk away from Nikki Heat."

"The one on the page or the one standing over there in the Hervé Léger dress?"

Castle breathless, looking over at the lovely creature by the "Heat Wave" centerpiece carefully disguised as Kate Beckett answers, "The one ... on the page."

"Oh, Rick. You sleeping with her?"

Aghast Castle answers, "No!"

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Go get her out of your system, then come down to the office and sign the damn contract, okay?"

Paula pats Castle on the cheek and then walks away.

"I don't think I could ever get her out of my system," Castle thinks.

Beckett after picking up a book and looking at Castle's photo on the back, opens the book to the dedication, which reads: 'To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the 12th'. Kate is dumbfounded, so dumbfounded that she doesn't feel Castle approach.

"Hey."

Still in shock Beckett responds, "Hey, I ... I was just uh, the dedication. Wow. Thank you."

Castle gives his most earnest look at Beckett, "I meant it. You are extraordinary. Listen. I was thinking ..."

Rick pauses, then says, "What if the wife caught on to the affair?"

Beckett again is thrown for a loop by Castle.

Recovering she asks, "Melissa Talbot, a killer?"

Castle, quoting Shakespeare, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Trying to regain her footing, Beckett responds, "Well, uh, anything is possible. I didn't see it that way."

"You're saying that 'cause you've never been scorned."

"What makes you say that?"

"C'mon, what man has ever turned you away?"

"Because if you were mine," Castle thinks, "I'd never let you go."

Beckett, uncomfortable with the complement from Castle, changes tack, "So, any word on a certain British secret agent who shall not be named?"

Castle says with a small smile, "I got the official offer."

Beckett, surprised, exclaims, "Wow, congratulations."

Castle, looking away a little sheepish, "I haven't accepted it yet."

"But you're going to, aren't you?" Beckett asks almost hoping he says no.

"What, you think I should?"

"Yeah," she responds.

She continues trying to fish, "I mean, is there a reason why you wouldn't?"

Not understanding Beckett's subtext Castle asks, "So you'd be okay if I didn't write another Nikki Heat?"

Chuckling, "I mean why wouldn't I? It's not like I asked you to write the first one."

"You know, a lot of people would be flattered that someone chose to write a book based on them."

"Flattered?" Beckett asks derisively.

"Yeah."

Beckett, getting a little peeved, responds, "Do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this Nikki Heat thing?"

"Gee, I'm sorry," Castle answers irritated.

"I'm not asking you to be sorry, I'm just... Just do whatever you want to do. You always do anyway."

Castle, more irritated, "Oh, fine, it's settled then."

"Fine."

Both Castle and Beckett are getting more irritated by the moment, neither giving an inch and determined to get in the last word.

"I'll do the other book."

"Great."

"Enjoy the party."

"Thanks, I will."

Castle, wanting to get the last dig in, continues, "You know what, it's just as well because there really wasn't enough to the character of Nikki Heat for more than one novel anyway."

Beckett getting her dig in, too, "Oh, there's plenty to the character. She just needs a better writer."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They turn away from each other angry. Later they'll wonder how they went from a complement to a fight in less than a couple of minutes.

* * *

_I could write a preface on how we met_

_So the world would never forget_

* * *

A/N: Early season 5

Kate got into bed with Rick at the loft. The dinner they had was romantic, sensual and satisfying. Castle is an excellent cook. A little unconventional, a little adventurous, very similar to his lovemaking.

For the past couple of months since they got together, the evenings were spent either working on a case or making love, sometimes both. Tonight was an exception. The case was disturbing but over. The suspect in custody. The evidence collected. Captain Gates sent the team home with the "paperwork tomorrow" barely off her lips when they left.

Emotionally and physically exhausted, it didn't take much convincing by Castle for Kate to spend the night at the loft. So there Kate was, lying in Castle's bed, waiting for him to join her so she could cuddle in.

Once he was in bed, head on his pillow, Kate moved over and lay her head on his chest. She could hear the "thump-a thump" of Castle's heart. The heart she still felt she had to mend after everything she put him through.

"Rick?"

"Hmm?" Castle responded.

"That line in 'Heat Wave' about 'You watch the crowd. I'll watch my ass.' Where did that come from?"

Castle chuckled, "You don't remember? The way you walked away after saying 'you have no idea' at the end of our first case? When I tried to convince you to go out to dinner? That hip sway?"

Beckett rose off his chest then said "Did I do that?"

"Mmhmm."

Giggling, Beckett continued, "I did, didn't I?"

Castle smiled at her. She loved the way he smiled at her with his whole face, even his eyes had that twinkle.

Beckett lay her head back on his chest. Rick gently caressed her hair.

"I still love the smell of cherries."

Kate smiled, "I'm glad."

As she lay, she stroked his chest. She pondered what she was going to say next.

"Rick?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry," Kate said.

"For what?"

She sat up and looked into his eyes. "For everything I've put you through. Specially the past year."

"Kate."

"No, Castle," Beckett continued. "I've put you through hell. Demming, Josh, lying about hearing you for a year."

"Kate."

"No," Beckett replied, tears starting to form. "I've thought about it a lot over the past couple of weeks. I'm very truly sorry for what I've done to you. Put you through an emotional wringer. You deserve better."

"Kate," Castle gently said. "Please don't tell me what I do or do not deserve. Only I can decide what I deserve."

Beckett lay her head down on Castle's chest. He could feel the moisture on his t-shirt. He caressed her cherry scented, long chestnut hair.

"Kate," Castle softly continued. "Where are we?"

"Hmm?"

"Where are we right now?"

"I don't understand. Relationship wise?"

"No, not that. We're here. In my loft. You in my bed lying on my chest. We're cuddled together. We're a couple now. At the precinct we're a somewhat undercover couple, pun not intended. But we're together now. What's past is past. You can't change that, you can only learn from your past and move on. Does it really matter how we got here? Yeah, there may have been a few potholes in the journey to get here."

"A few?" Beckett interrupted. "I think it was more than a few. Some Grand Canyon sized potholes. Mostly me keeping you at arm's length."

"Okay, more than a few. Ellie Monroe, Demming, Gina, Josh, my ill-timed declaration. But to me, it's that we got here. I've got you, you've got me. That's what's important. So we had a few bumps along the way. They'll be great stories to tell our grandchildren."

"Grandchildren?" Beckett pops up looking at him skeptically.

"It's a metaphor, Beckett."

"Says the author."

"You're the detective, I'm the author. All is right with the world," Castle says smugly.

Smiling, Beckett lays her head back on his chest, "And don't you forget it."

* * *

_And the simple secret of the plot_

_Is just to tell them that I love you a lot_

* * *

A/N: Late season 5 perhaps?

Kate Beckett kicked off her sky high heels after coming home. Her feet were tired from the day of chasing leads and questioning suspects. Paperwork was left undone because she could barely keep her eyes open.

Castle was away on one of his book tours promoting the latest 'Nikki Heat' novel. While he was gone, he arranged for a daily morning delivery of her grande skim latte, two pumps sugar free vanilla. It wasn't the same as when he brought it to her. He always kept her coffee filled while they were at the precinct so that she could work that much more on cases. But, the downside of that was she never could get the expensive, barista quality espresso machine to work. Even Ryan's efforts paled against Castle's latte making. So her coffee intake was down, the case was dragging and she wasn't sleeping well because her ruggedly handsome bed warmer was away on his book tour.

Being a native New Yorker, Beckett knew about the cold. As a kid and even prior to Castle sharing her bed, she would pile the blankets high during the dead of winter. Now with her natural heater boyfriend, she didn't feel the need. If she were cold, she would snuggle in to Castle and warm her up. Of course, during the scorching summer, she would stay on the opposite side of the bed because he was so HOT!

So Kate entered the empty loft exhausted. She barely had enough energy to microwave some leftovers Castle left for her.

She turned to the audio system and started the music. Castle had programmed all of his and her CDs into the system. In his enthusiasm for her being in the loft (and to be honest, to make her more likely to come to the loft than her apartment) he bought every CD in the John Coltrane discography.

From 'Giant Steps' to 'Africa Brass Vol 1 &amp; 2.' 'A Love Supreme' and 'My Favorite Things.' And her favorite, 'John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman.'

She at first was amused by his fervor for finding Coltrane vinyl and CDs for her. He continued with Miles Davis albums that Coltrane was on. Interspersed with the CDs or albums were much more expensive items. Earrings here, a necklace there, designer clothes. It started to get uncomfortable.

He explained, "What is the use of being rich if I can't give gifts to my loved ones, Kate?"

His showering her with gifts wasn't important to her. Beckett wasn't a 'Material Girl.' She was in love with the man, Ricky Rodgers, the good son to Martha, the great dad to Alexis, not the BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, RICHARD CASTLE. His money nor his fame was important to her, he was.

After a while, the gifts were awkward. She thought about their discussion a few weeks before he left on his current book tour.

"_What, don't you like it?" Castle asked. "I could get another color. Is it the wrong size?"_

"_No," Kate answered looking at the gift. "Castle. It's lovely. But it's too much."_

"_Too much money?"_

"_Yes. No. Maybe."_

"_Kate," Castle continued. "I'm not following."_

"_Yeah," Beckett answered. "Please don't take this the wrong way but … You need to quit showering me with gifts. I am with you for you, not for how much money you have or how many gifts you give me. It's not the material things that I want, I just want you."_

"_Mother keeps on telling me women like to be showered with gifts. And she told me it's my job to make sure the women in my life are properly taken care of. That means things like this," Rick said pointing at his latest gift._

"_Well, I'm not your mother," Kate said exasperated._

"_Thank goodness or we might get arrested in all 50 states and the District of Columbia," Castle joked._

_Beckett smiles, "Yeah. Me, too."_

"_And Gina expected me to give her gifts all the time," Castle added. "I'm just doing what I'm used to, to show that I care. That I love you."_

"_I know," Beckett said as she kissed him. "But I'm not Gina either."_

"_Thank goodness," Castle sighed. "Or we'd be fighting. Hey, are we fighting?"_

"_No," Beckett giggles. "I think you would know if we were fighting."_

"_Okay, so what's the problem?"_

"_All these gifts are overwhelming me."_

_Castle gave her a questioning look._

"_All these expensive gifts remind me that you're this world famous bestselling author and I'm just this cop and – and we're in this relationship that makes absolutely no sense. Or worse, I almost feel like I'm this gold-digging bimbo that is just into you for what you can give me, your fame and your money."_

"_Kate," Castle answered as he wrapped her in his arms. "You're not 'just a cop' and you're not a 'gold-digging bimbo.' You're extraordinary. You're the best NYPD has ever seen. And you're my girlfriend which humbles and elates me every day you're with me. It's like I've won the lottery. It's that this wonderful, awe inspiring woman has chosen to spend part of her life with me. Me. The kid who was the lowest of the low in school. The geek. The nerd. The bastard. And now I'm Leonard."_

"_Leonard?"_

"_Yeah, Leonard Hofstadler. From 'The Big Bang Theory?' So yeah, Leonard. And I got the hot, head cheerleader to be my girlfriend."_

_Looking up into his eyes she says smiling, "I'm not blonde."_

"_No, you're not. You're better. You're my girlfriend."_

_Giggling, Beckett says, "Yes, I am."_

_Hugging Castle and then looking at him she continues, "I know that you won't listen to me if I tell you to stop, but can we agree to tone it down a little? Maybe not buying me every little thing you see that you'd like to give me?"_

"_Okay," Castle pouts with a smile in his eyes. "Does that include Coltrane, too?"_

_Beckett smiles, "Okay, Coltrane is exempt. Though I think you've pretty much exhausted that. Everything else isn't. Capeesh?"_

"_Okay."_

* * *

_Then the world discovers, as my book ends_

_How to make two lovers of friends_

* * *

A/N: Many years after. Spoilers for 7x06 Time of Our Lives

Rick Castle walks down from the Hampton's house toward his wife. She lay asleep on a comfy lounger in the middle of the back lawn. He approaches as quietly as he can to keep from waking her. Her hair, now grey, is gently blown around her face. Her white hat keeping the bright summer sun off her face while she rests. Although there are more laugh lines on her face than when they first met, she is still stunning in his eyes.

"Beckett," Castle says gently shaking his wife. "Kate. The kids and grandkids will be here shortly."

She wakes then stretches catlike before looking at her husband.

"Castle, hey," she responds. "I was just snoozing for a moment. I need to rest up. The grandkids will keep me hopping."

Chuckling, Castle continues, "Yeah. They will. I remember the last time they were here we spent two days in the hot tub recovering."

"We weren't only recovering in the hot tub, Castle," Beckett smirks. "I seem to remember other activities going on in the hot tub, too."

"Can you blame me?" Castle asks. "I can't keep my hands off of you, Beckett, you're still as hot as when we first met."

"Oh, puleez. Are you going blind? Or are you blind already?"

Kissing Kate, he says, "No. I'm not blind. I still see the most beautiful goddess in front of me. The one who was silly enough to marry me."

"Silly, huh?"

"Foolish? Temporary Insanity? Or maybe discombobulated. Yeah, that's it. You were discombobulated when you agreed to marry me."

"I seem to remember the day we married that it was you that was knocked unconscious," Beckett teases back at her husband. "And when you woke up you were ranting about an Incan relic that transported you to some parallel universe. Somewhere where I didn't know you and you hadn't written anything worth reading since 'Storm Fall'. So if anyone was discombobulated, it was you."

Hugging her husband and then kissing him she continues, "And the discombobulation continues if you still think I'm as hot as I was when we met. Castle, we met almost 35 years ago. My hair is grey. My face is wrinkly. I wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt shorter than mid-calf because my legs are scary. So, at the risk of channeling Dr. Seuss, hot, I am not."

"Au contraire, mi amour," Castle replies. "In my eyes, you are still as lovely, still as smart, still as extraordinary as when we met. And maybe even a little better with age. Like fine wine."

Chuckling Beckett responds, "Fine wine, huh? Okay, I'll leave it but … when is your next ophthalmologist appointment?"

"Not for a while," Castle smiles.

"I may need you to schedule it sooner because you must be going blind."

Castle smiles, "Well, you know, love is blind."

Beckett wraps her arms around Castle's neck and kisses him.

Castle looks into her eyes and says, "And every day I feel like my love for you grows and grows."

"Me, too, babe. Me, too."

* * *

A/N: Oh please, 'I Could Write a Book?' Did you think I could resist?

I apologize for quoting so much directly from an episode. I know how much some people (myself included) dislike just copying episode dialog and calling it a fan fiction. It just seemed to fit.

Thanks for reading, reviewing and favoriting.


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